Retarded!
So Evan and I had a day.
Me: So I went there. [Points to Sweet Iron waffle house.] It was supreble... supremel... supremely --
Evan: Mmm!
Me: -- mediocre.
Evan: Oh. You had me expecting something entirely different.
Me: I'm un-caffeinated. Oh, they do have good coffee. Stumptown. It's from Porkland.
Evan: Porkland, huh?
Me: I'm also on pain meds.
Me: I wish we could get Paula Deane to wrestle in butter for charity. In fact, I kinda want to start a charity just to do that.
Evan: But who would she wrestle with?
Me: Herself. For about fifteen minutes, then she collapses in a heap on the floor. The referee declares her the winner.
Evan: Paula Deane declares herself the winner.
Me: Ow, my tooth hurts! [Points to tooth with chopsticks]
Evan: Oh, I thought you were referring to some other set of teeth.
Me: Well... [Points furtively toward crotch]
Evan: No wonder Joel hates it when you get your period. Some girls bleed, you grow a set of fangs.
Me: He has anxiety.
Evan: [As Joel] Another mouth to feed! That's just what we need!
Evan: [Sniffing a jar of sauce on our table] What is this? I can't distinguish anything by smelling.
Me: Jam.
Evan: Really?
Me: No. I have no idea. [Superiorly] Let me see... [Sniffs] I still have no idea. None whatsoever.
Evan: It's jam, then. If we don't know what it is, from now on... It's jam.
Me: Deal.
Evan: My croissant has raspberry jam in it!
Me: ...real jam?
Evan: I hope so.
Jam: [going everywhere]
Me: Your jam is unjammed. It's a free-for-all!
Evan: Let's all have jam!
Me: JAMGASM!
Evan: JAMBOREE!
Me: Yours fits surprisingly well.
Me: Seattle lightning company! I mean lightning. [Pause] Light. Ning. What the fuck?
Evan: Lighting?
Me: Yeah, lightning. I keep saying lighting when I mean lightning.
Evan: Uh huh...
Me: Fuck. Let's get some coffee.
We have coffee. I take the wrappers from Umbria's obligatory chocolates and fold them into tiny paper hats. We put them on our pinky fingers and declare pinky-finger-hat-war (?).
Me: My hat is smaller! I have a candy-hap!
Evan: That's probably the best thing I've ever heard.
Me: [Can't stop laughing. Hides in the cowl of her sweater. Five minutes later, stops laughing abruptly] Ah, I need a cigarette.
We wander into an alley and someone has made a huge sign out of recycled plastic 2-liter soda bottles that says "WASTE NOT." There is a ceramic bee randomly cemented to the alley wall. I love the city.
Evan: Rasmus...
Me: Rasmussen...
Evan: Mouse...
Me: Moose...
Me: Rasmussen Moose-Mouse?
Evan: Rasmussen Moose-Mouse, attorney at law.
I bought bath crayons at Magic Mouse and drew in the bath when I got home. And now it says кругом одна вода in green script across the wall.
I was depressed for two weeks but now I feel a lot better.
Me: So I went there. [Points to Sweet Iron waffle house.] It was supreble... supremel... supremely --
Evan: Mmm!
Me: -- mediocre.
Evan: Oh. You had me expecting something entirely different.
Me: I'm un-caffeinated. Oh, they do have good coffee. Stumptown. It's from Porkland.
Evan: Porkland, huh?
Me: I'm also on pain meds.
Me: I wish we could get Paula Deane to wrestle in butter for charity. In fact, I kinda want to start a charity just to do that.
Evan: But who would she wrestle with?
Me: Herself. For about fifteen minutes, then she collapses in a heap on the floor. The referee declares her the winner.
Evan: Paula Deane declares herself the winner.
Me: Ow, my tooth hurts! [Points to tooth with chopsticks]
Evan: Oh, I thought you were referring to some other set of teeth.
Me: Well... [Points furtively toward crotch]
Evan: No wonder Joel hates it when you get your period. Some girls bleed, you grow a set of fangs.
Me: He has anxiety.
Evan: [As Joel] Another mouth to feed! That's just what we need!
Evan: [Sniffing a jar of sauce on our table] What is this? I can't distinguish anything by smelling.
Me: Jam.
Evan: Really?
Me: No. I have no idea. [Superiorly] Let me see... [Sniffs] I still have no idea. None whatsoever.
Evan: It's jam, then. If we don't know what it is, from now on... It's jam.
Me: Deal.
Evan: My croissant has raspberry jam in it!
Me: ...real jam?
Evan: I hope so.
Jam: [going everywhere]
Me: Your jam is unjammed. It's a free-for-all!
Evan: Let's all have jam!
Me: JAMGASM!
Evan: JAMBOREE!
Me: Yours fits surprisingly well.
Me: Seattle lightning company! I mean lightning. [Pause] Light. Ning. What the fuck?
Evan: Lighting?
Me: Yeah, lightning. I keep saying lighting when I mean lightning.
Evan: Uh huh...
Me: Fuck. Let's get some coffee.
We have coffee. I take the wrappers from Umbria's obligatory chocolates and fold them into tiny paper hats. We put them on our pinky fingers and declare pinky-finger-hat-war (?).
Me: My hat is smaller! I have a candy-hap!
Evan: That's probably the best thing I've ever heard.
Me: [Can't stop laughing. Hides in the cowl of her sweater. Five minutes later, stops laughing abruptly] Ah, I need a cigarette.
We wander into an alley and someone has made a huge sign out of recycled plastic 2-liter soda bottles that says "WASTE NOT." There is a ceramic bee randomly cemented to the alley wall. I love the city.
Evan: Rasmus...
Me: Rasmussen...
Evan: Mouse...
Me: Moose...
Me: Rasmussen Moose-Mouse?
Evan: Rasmussen Moose-Mouse, attorney at law.
I bought bath crayons at Magic Mouse and drew in the bath when I got home. And now it says кругом одна вода in green script across the wall.
I was depressed for two weeks but now I feel a lot better.