Fic: I For One Welcome Our New Corporate Overlords, Nick/TMNT
Y'all probably know by now that Nickelodeon has bought the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
What better way to celebrate than stupid crossover fic, I ask? There is no better way. Warnings for my sense of humor and a perhaps unwarranted sense of optimism.
It was an ordinary day in the sewers, at least until someone knocked at the door.
Leonardo frowned and looked up from his book. "Did you hear that?"
"Yeah," Michelangelo said.
"One of the pipes knocking?"
"Not a pipe," Donatello said, coming out of his lab. "Somebody's at the door."
Leo put the book aside. No one knocked at the door. Ever. "Foot?"
Don shook his head. "Looks like four people. Three kids and an adult."
"They armed?"
"I think they have a...cake," Don said, as the thumps started at the door again.
"Okay, this is officially weird," Mike announced.
"Like it wasn't already?" Leo asked. He put his hand on his sword. "Go ahead and open the door, Don. Let's see what's going on."
What was going on was, as Don announced, four people; three teenagers and an adult. With a cake. The cake said "Welcome to Nickelodeon!" in green squiggly icing.
"Okay," Don said. "I'm dreaming. I'm going back to bed now."
"No, wait!" the lone adult said. He was a dark-haired man, probably in his mid-twenties. "We're just here to say welcome to Nickelodeon! And we have a cake!"
"And it's really good, and they wouldn't let me eat any of it until we got here!" added one of the girls. She was blond, and looked a little crazed. "And I'm starving!"
"Hi," the other girl said, about the same height and dark-haired. "I'm Carly Shay, this is my brother Spencer, that's Sam--" she indicated the blond, now hustling the cake urgently into the lair-- "and this is our technical producer, Freddie."
"Hey," Freddie said. Spencer grinned. Sam was busy ripping the plastic case off the cake.
Splinter came out, apparently out of nowhere, with a stack of paper plates and some forks. "This looks delicious," he said. "Raphael! Come greet our guests! You've already met Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello, I see, and my name is Splinter."
Raphael came in, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "What's-- hey, where'd the hotties come from?"
Carly and Sam grinned.
Spencer glowered. "We're your welcome from Nick," he said. "The family friendly network."
"That's no fun," Raphael said. "Hey, is that cake?"
"That is indeed cake," Spencer said. "Chocolate."
"Sweet," Raph said.
"Hey, is that, like, a training room?" Sam asked, already halfway through her first piece of cake and eyeing a second.
"Yeah."
"Can you hit stuff in there?"
"Yeah."
"Sweet."
Twenty minutes later, the cake was gone, Sam, Carly, Leonardo and Raphael had disappeared into the training room, and Spencer and Michelangelo were discussing the ideal ingredient combination for spaghetti tacos. Splinter thought that, overall, the meeting was quite successful.
Donatello and Freddie were discussing how the latest in video surveillance techniques could be used to improve a webcast, which was somewhat worrying, but the letter from Nick had warned no synergy came without a cost.
"I still don't get why you were so surprised, though," Spencer said. "We're usually further down on the list. Didn't you hear from Spongebob?"
Everyone shook their heads. Everyone except Michelangelo. "Spongebob?"
"Yeah," Spencer said. "Yellow? Perky? Wears square pants?" He gestured.
Mike's eyes widened. "Oh, crap."
"Michaelangelo?" Splinter asked. "You didn't--"
"I thought I was having a funky dream!" Mike said, defensively. "Dude, if your sponge started talking to you, you'd chuck it down the garbage disposal too--"
"It'll be okay," Freddie said. "I'm sure. I mean, he's gone through worse in the cartoon. Right?"
"Riiiight," Spencer said. "But...just don't do it again, okay?"
"Be friendly to strange sponges," Mike said. "Got it."
Don suddenly looked nervous. "JimmyGenius23...isn't really 23, is he?"
"Probably Jimmy Neutron, so...I'm saying no," Spencer said.
"Totally not," Freddie said. "I don't think he's even hit puberty. Doesn't stop him from pretending he's older, though...."
"Um," Don said, shoving his chair back, "I think my processor might be...um...I'll be right back."
"You never get a second chance to make a first impression, Donnie," Mike called after him.
"Shut up!"
"I know what'll cheer him up," Spencer said into the awkward silence a few moments later. "Spaghetti tacos!"
"Let's do it!" Mike said.
As they headed for the kitchen counter, Freddie looked over at Splinter. "You'll be fine," he said, reassuringly.
"Thank you, young man," Splinter said, raising his teacup. "I believe you are correct."
What better way to celebrate than stupid crossover fic, I ask? There is no better way. Warnings for my sense of humor and a perhaps unwarranted sense of optimism.
It was an ordinary day in the sewers, at least until someone knocked at the door.
Leonardo frowned and looked up from his book. "Did you hear that?"
"Yeah," Michelangelo said.
"One of the pipes knocking?"
"Not a pipe," Donatello said, coming out of his lab. "Somebody's at the door."
Leo put the book aside. No one knocked at the door. Ever. "Foot?"
Don shook his head. "Looks like four people. Three kids and an adult."
"They armed?"
"I think they have a...cake," Don said, as the thumps started at the door again.
"Okay, this is officially weird," Mike announced.
"Like it wasn't already?" Leo asked. He put his hand on his sword. "Go ahead and open the door, Don. Let's see what's going on."
What was going on was, as Don announced, four people; three teenagers and an adult. With a cake. The cake said "Welcome to Nickelodeon!" in green squiggly icing.
"Okay," Don said. "I'm dreaming. I'm going back to bed now."
"No, wait!" the lone adult said. He was a dark-haired man, probably in his mid-twenties. "We're just here to say welcome to Nickelodeon! And we have a cake!"
"And it's really good, and they wouldn't let me eat any of it until we got here!" added one of the girls. She was blond, and looked a little crazed. "And I'm starving!"
"Hi," the other girl said, about the same height and dark-haired. "I'm Carly Shay, this is my brother Spencer, that's Sam--" she indicated the blond, now hustling the cake urgently into the lair-- "and this is our technical producer, Freddie."
"Hey," Freddie said. Spencer grinned. Sam was busy ripping the plastic case off the cake.
Splinter came out, apparently out of nowhere, with a stack of paper plates and some forks. "This looks delicious," he said. "Raphael! Come greet our guests! You've already met Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello, I see, and my name is Splinter."
Raphael came in, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "What's-- hey, where'd the hotties come from?"
Carly and Sam grinned.
Spencer glowered. "We're your welcome from Nick," he said. "The family friendly network."
"That's no fun," Raphael said. "Hey, is that cake?"
"That is indeed cake," Spencer said. "Chocolate."
"Sweet," Raph said.
"Hey, is that, like, a training room?" Sam asked, already halfway through her first piece of cake and eyeing a second.
"Yeah."
"Can you hit stuff in there?"
"Yeah."
"Sweet."
Twenty minutes later, the cake was gone, Sam, Carly, Leonardo and Raphael had disappeared into the training room, and Spencer and Michelangelo were discussing the ideal ingredient combination for spaghetti tacos. Splinter thought that, overall, the meeting was quite successful.
Donatello and Freddie were discussing how the latest in video surveillance techniques could be used to improve a webcast, which was somewhat worrying, but the letter from Nick had warned no synergy came without a cost.
"I still don't get why you were so surprised, though," Spencer said. "We're usually further down on the list. Didn't you hear from Spongebob?"
Everyone shook their heads. Everyone except Michelangelo. "Spongebob?"
"Yeah," Spencer said. "Yellow? Perky? Wears square pants?" He gestured.
Mike's eyes widened. "Oh, crap."
"Michaelangelo?" Splinter asked. "You didn't--"
"I thought I was having a funky dream!" Mike said, defensively. "Dude, if your sponge started talking to you, you'd chuck it down the garbage disposal too--"
"It'll be okay," Freddie said. "I'm sure. I mean, he's gone through worse in the cartoon. Right?"
"Riiiight," Spencer said. "But...just don't do it again, okay?"
"Be friendly to strange sponges," Mike said. "Got it."
Don suddenly looked nervous. "JimmyGenius23...isn't really 23, is he?"
"Probably Jimmy Neutron, so...I'm saying no," Spencer said.
"Totally not," Freddie said. "I don't think he's even hit puberty. Doesn't stop him from pretending he's older, though...."
"Um," Don said, shoving his chair back, "I think my processor might be...um...I'll be right back."
"You never get a second chance to make a first impression, Donnie," Mike called after him.
"Shut up!"
"I know what'll cheer him up," Spencer said into the awkward silence a few moments later. "Spaghetti tacos!"
"Let's do it!" Mike said.
As they headed for the kitchen counter, Freddie looked over at Splinter. "You'll be fine," he said, reassuringly.
"Thank you, young man," Splinter said, raising his teacup. "I believe you are correct."