Ch 5 - Beware the Little White Rabbit
Title: Beware the Little White Rabbit
Author: Lady FoxFire
Pairing(s): None
Rating: PG-13
Warning: None
Category(s): X-over
Setting: SG-1 - Season 4; Buffy - Season 5
Summary: #3 in the Blackmail series - sometime you don’t have to jump down a rabbit hole. Sometimes you just need to ask a friend for help.
They had been on board the spaceship for three days before it finally broke orbit and headed off into space.
“Beautiful view, isn’t it,” Colonel O’Neill commented as he walked up to Joyce Summers as she stared out into space through the observation window.
“It is,” Joyce replied, “But… but an observation window on a spaceship? Is that like putting a glass bottom on the Titanic?”
Jack snorted. “It’s not really an observation window. It’s more or less an oversized computer monitor.”
“So I’m not really seeing it,” Joyce replied, a trace of disappointment evident in her voice.
Jack shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the closest you’ll get without going outside. And this way it can’t spring a leak.”
“A leak would a bad thing,” Joyce said. “So how long until we get where we’re going?”
“A little over a day,” Jack answered.
“And then we’ll start over,” Joyce stated softly before turning to look at Jack. “What are we going to do? Dawn and me. I run… ran an art gallery. Mother of two daughters. One of which hasn’t graduated high school yet. What am I going to do on an alien world?”
“Be a mother,” Jack replied with a shrug of his shoulder. “And not just to her,” he nodded back to the rest of the ship, “but to all the men and women on the planet. They need someone to talk to, someone not in the line of command. Someone they can be honest with and get honest advice from.”
Joyce started to giggle. “You want me to open Callahan’s Place.”
“Callahan’s Place,” Jack echoed back with a confused look.
“Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon. Spider Robinson?” Joyce asked.
Jack slowly shook his head no.
“You poor, poor man. You don’t know one of the most puntastic literary master-pieces of the world!” Joyce exclaimed.
“Why does I suddenly feeling of dread?” Jack muttered as Joyce linked her arm with his and started to guide him away while talking about Callahan’s Place.
~*~
The transport rings vanished, leaving behind SG-1 and Joyce and Dawn Summers.
Looking around at her surroundings, Joyce commented, “Not what expected.”
“It’s the trees, isn’t it?” Jack asked.
“I kind of expect alien trees, not… trees,” Joyce replied.
“It looks like that campground you and dad dragged us to,” Dawn suggested as she looked around. “Remember how dad got poison oak and we had to leave early?”
“Yes, I do,” Joyce growled. “Hope the little bitch got it, too,” she said very softly.
“Somehow dad got poison oak down there,” Dawn explain with a smirk. “He walked funny for almost 3 weeks.”
The men in the group cringed in sympathy while Carter and Joyce shared a smirk.
“Shouldn’t someone have met us here?” Dawn questioned as she looked around. “Or can anyone just teleport onto the planet when they want?”
“Oh there is someone out there. He’s probably in the tree line cursing up a storm,” Jack stated with an evil smirk.
“Try behind you and trying to figure out if I should kick your ass, Jack,” a male voice growled from behind them.
They turned around to face the source of the voice.
“Xander,” Joyce gasped.
“Now why would you want to kick my ass?” Jack asked innocently.
“You’re alive,” Joyce said as she stared at the young man.
“Xander!” Dawn squealed as she tackled him.
“Dawn,” Xander gasped looking down at the girl trying to hug him to death. Looking up at the older lady, “Mrs. Summers.”
“I want an explanation,” Joyce ordered as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him, “now!”
“It’s Jack’s fault,” Xander replied.
“My fault? How is it my fault?” Jack demanded in surprise.
“It was your boots,” Xander stated.
“Well, you’re the one who blackmailed me,” Jack countered.
“Blackmail!” Joyce exclaimed in shock. “Xander Harris, what did you do? How come you’re here… alive? I was told you were dead!”
“I didn’t have much a choice, Mrs. S,” Xander explained. “Buffy threatened to kill me. Willow would have helped. I went from someone most demons wouldn’t bother with because they knew that Buffy would get revenge to being someone the demons would hunt down, hoping to gain favor with Buffy or at least get revenge for me helping her. Add in all the stuff in my head from Halloween and it wasn’t a good thing.”
“And this lead to blackmailing Colonel O’Neill, how?” Joyce demanded as she tapped her foot.
“He was my red flag to Colonel Pierce,” Xander answered quickly. “You had my book with his number in it and you were in LA at the time.”
Joyce pinched the bridge of her nose as if to ward off a headache. “You didn’t memorize his phone number.”
A bashful look appeared on Xander’s face. “In my defense, JD just got a new phone and I haven’t exactly memorized the number yet.”
Joyce shook her head sadly.
Dawn tighten her grip around Xander’s waist, bring his attention back to her. “Xander?” She said as she looked up at him with big doe like eyes. “Are mom and me going to be living with you?”
“Ahhh… no,” Xander answered as he wiggled out of her grasp. “I live in this tiny hole in the wall apartment on the base. No room for you and Mrs. S. but I do know they have a nice place picked out for you.”
“You can always move in with us,” Dawn suggested.
“Dawn,” Joyce said in a slightly chastising tone of voice, “I’m sure that Xander is quite happy living by himself.”
“But mom,” Dawn whined.
Joyce shook her head. “No. I’m sure that Xander will be visit often but he probably enjoys living on his own.”
“Your mom’s right,” Xander added in as he gave Dawn a squeeze. “It’s really nice to live on my own and not hear my parents fighting or worry about coming home to find out that they sold my stuff.”
“But they’re on Earth and we’re not,” Dawn pointed out.
“I know but it’s a mental thing,” Xander explained.
Dawn’s face twisted up into one of frustration. “Are there at least some cute boys here?”
“I’m a straight man so I don’t notice cute boys but I do know that there are a number of men on the base that your sister and Willow would drool over,” Xander stated. “I also know that you’re jail bait and if any of them men touch you then I will be helping your mother hide the body.”
“Just zat them three times,” Jack chimed in.
“But the problem with that is there is no body. You need to leave some sign to warn off anyone one else from trying the same thing,” Xander pointed out.
“Xander!” Dawn exclaimed as she punched him in the arm. “How do you expect me to find a boyfriend if you keep threating them.”
“I think that’s the point,” Daniel added in.
Jack and Xander both nodded their heads.
“I think that right now would be a good time for Doctors Jackson and Carter to escort my daughter to the base,” Joyce suggested firmly. “Xander, Colonel O’Neill and I need to talk.”
“Shit!”
“Dead man walking,” Dawn said softly as she let go of Xander and backed away from him.
“Love you, too, Dawn,” Xander grumbled
Dawn smiled before practically skipping over to Teal’c and threaded her arm within his. “Would you be so kind as to walk with me to my new home, Mr. Teal’c?”
Teal’c bowed his head in acceptance. “I would be pleased to escort you, DawnSummers,” Teal’c replied. “I would be neglecting my duties to XanderHarris and your mother if I did not insure that the others on the base knew of the consequences of disrespecting you.”
Dawn blinked a couple of times. “Does that mean you won’t let me date either?”
“Indeed,” Teal’c said with a smirk as he started walking towards the base with Dawn at his side.
“She’ll never date again,” Daniel stated before starting after Teal’c and Dawn.
Carter just shook her head as she followed behind them. “Reminds me of a few girls in school and their fathers.”
Xander waited a few minutes for Dawn and her escorts to get out of hearing range. “Mrs. S, I can explain everything.”
Joyce held up her hand to signal him to stop talking as she shook her head. “You don’t have to explain any more, Xander,” she explained. “I actually need to apologize…”
“Apologize? For what?” Xander interrupted.
“For Buffy. For not see what she was doing to you. For what she was becoming. When she was little… she was always so kind and loving as a child,” Joyce explained with a shake of her head. “I don’t know where it all went wrong.”
“She became a teenager,” Jack answered. “And when she finally became an adult, she’ll stop being a bitch.”
Xander snorted. “That explains Willow too. Not that I didn’t have my bout of stupidity either.”
A brief smile cross Joyce’s face. “I still want to apologize for not noticing how bad it was and for not being there for you. You saved my girl’s life and because of your actions you made it possible for me to protect Dawn.”
A blush came to Xander’s face. “I did what I had to do,” he replied simply. “But that does bring up a point I wanted to ask about. Dawn?”
Joyce stance changes, became stronger and firmer. “You don’t remember her?”
Xander shook his head. “No. Not exactly. She’s… things… situation… it’s like remembering a dream. It’s hard to explain. I know her, I remember things about her, doing things with her, but I also don’t remember her.”
Joyce nodded her head in acceptance.
“So who exactly is she?” Xander asked.
Joyce glanced over at Jack then back at Xander. “My daughter,” she replied simply and in a voice that say she would accept no disagreement.
Xander looked at Joyce then at Jack and back to Joyce. With a firm nod of his head, Xander said, “One thing I remember about Dawn is that she’s more devious than I was when I was bored.”
“Guess it will be your job to keep her entertained then,” Jack said with a smirk.
“Just like it’s your job to keep Daniel out of trouble?” Xander replied.
“I doubt she could be worse than Daniel,” Jack stated.
“If Dr. Jackson is anything like Dr. Levant in Wormhole X-Treme then Dawn is the Dr. Jackson 2.0 - female version, only bigger, better and badder,” Joyce said with pride.
“Like mother, like daughter,” Xander added in.
Joyce smiled at Xander. “And don’t you forget it,” she said before starting down the path Dawn had took.
“Strong woman,” Jack said simply as he watched her walk away.
Xander nodded his head. “She’ll run this base with an iron hand within a month,” he declared before turning to look at Jack. “You know she’s single.”
Jack turn to look at Xander. “Are you trying to hook me up?”
Xander shrugged his shoulders as he started to walk towards base.. “Why not? You’re single. She’s single. I know you better than anyone else in the world, so I know you’ll treat her well and that you’re not really interested in Dawn and using Joyce to get to her. Perfect match.”
“Ah ha,” Jack replied in a tone that said ‘you’re crazy’. “Don’t think that will happen.”
“Alright. Why?” Xander demanded. “It’s not like you have to hide what you do from her.”
“Well, long distance relationships don’t really work,” Jack replied. “And you can’t get any longer distance when you’re on different planets.”
“And how often are you up here?” Xander replied with a smirk. “Of course if you’re afraid…”
Jack shot Xander a look. “You know I hate you.”
Xander just smiled in return. “You know dating Mrs. S would squash those rumors of you being involved with Carter or Daniel.”
“Oh for crying out loud!” Jack exclaimed. “Are those rumors still going around?”
“Yeap. I hear the pool is pretty high,” Xander replied with a sly smirk.
“Three way split?” Jack suggested.
Xander’s smirk grew as he nodded his head.
“You know that this means that I need to set you up with someone,” Jack stated.
“What? What do you mean set me up with someone?” Xander babbled. “Do you know the type of women that are interested in me? Does the term homicidal or deadly mean anything to you?”
Jack just smiled as he walked along.
“Jack! You can’t do it! Come on! You can’t. Please!” Xander begged as he followed along.
Author: Lady FoxFire
Pairing(s): None
Rating: PG-13
Warning: None
Category(s): X-over
Setting: SG-1 - Season 4; Buffy - Season 5
Summary: #3 in the Blackmail series - sometime you don’t have to jump down a rabbit hole. Sometimes you just need to ask a friend for help.
They had been on board the spaceship for three days before it finally broke orbit and headed off into space.
“Beautiful view, isn’t it,” Colonel O’Neill commented as he walked up to Joyce Summers as she stared out into space through the observation window.
“It is,” Joyce replied, “But… but an observation window on a spaceship? Is that like putting a glass bottom on the Titanic?”
Jack snorted. “It’s not really an observation window. It’s more or less an oversized computer monitor.”
“So I’m not really seeing it,” Joyce replied, a trace of disappointment evident in her voice.
Jack shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the closest you’ll get without going outside. And this way it can’t spring a leak.”
“A leak would a bad thing,” Joyce said. “So how long until we get where we’re going?”
“A little over a day,” Jack answered.
“And then we’ll start over,” Joyce stated softly before turning to look at Jack. “What are we going to do? Dawn and me. I run… ran an art gallery. Mother of two daughters. One of which hasn’t graduated high school yet. What am I going to do on an alien world?”
“Be a mother,” Jack replied with a shrug of his shoulder. “And not just to her,” he nodded back to the rest of the ship, “but to all the men and women on the planet. They need someone to talk to, someone not in the line of command. Someone they can be honest with and get honest advice from.”
Joyce started to giggle. “You want me to open Callahan’s Place.”
“Callahan’s Place,” Jack echoed back with a confused look.
“Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon. Spider Robinson?” Joyce asked.
Jack slowly shook his head no.
“You poor, poor man. You don’t know one of the most puntastic literary master-pieces of the world!” Joyce exclaimed.
“Why does I suddenly feeling of dread?” Jack muttered as Joyce linked her arm with his and started to guide him away while talking about Callahan’s Place.
~*~
The transport rings vanished, leaving behind SG-1 and Joyce and Dawn Summers.
Looking around at her surroundings, Joyce commented, “Not what expected.”
“It’s the trees, isn’t it?” Jack asked.
“I kind of expect alien trees, not… trees,” Joyce replied.
“It looks like that campground you and dad dragged us to,” Dawn suggested as she looked around. “Remember how dad got poison oak and we had to leave early?”
“Yes, I do,” Joyce growled. “Hope the little bitch got it, too,” she said very softly.
“Somehow dad got poison oak down there,” Dawn explain with a smirk. “He walked funny for almost 3 weeks.”
The men in the group cringed in sympathy while Carter and Joyce shared a smirk.
“Shouldn’t someone have met us here?” Dawn questioned as she looked around. “Or can anyone just teleport onto the planet when they want?”
“Oh there is someone out there. He’s probably in the tree line cursing up a storm,” Jack stated with an evil smirk.
“Try behind you and trying to figure out if I should kick your ass, Jack,” a male voice growled from behind them.
They turned around to face the source of the voice.
“Xander,” Joyce gasped.
“Now why would you want to kick my ass?” Jack asked innocently.
“You’re alive,” Joyce said as she stared at the young man.
“Xander!” Dawn squealed as she tackled him.
“Dawn,” Xander gasped looking down at the girl trying to hug him to death. Looking up at the older lady, “Mrs. Summers.”
“I want an explanation,” Joyce ordered as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him, “now!”
“It’s Jack’s fault,” Xander replied.
“My fault? How is it my fault?” Jack demanded in surprise.
“It was your boots,” Xander stated.
“Well, you’re the one who blackmailed me,” Jack countered.
“Blackmail!” Joyce exclaimed in shock. “Xander Harris, what did you do? How come you’re here… alive? I was told you were dead!”
“I didn’t have much a choice, Mrs. S,” Xander explained. “Buffy threatened to kill me. Willow would have helped. I went from someone most demons wouldn’t bother with because they knew that Buffy would get revenge to being someone the demons would hunt down, hoping to gain favor with Buffy or at least get revenge for me helping her. Add in all the stuff in my head from Halloween and it wasn’t a good thing.”
“And this lead to blackmailing Colonel O’Neill, how?” Joyce demanded as she tapped her foot.
“He was my red flag to Colonel Pierce,” Xander answered quickly. “You had my book with his number in it and you were in LA at the time.”
Joyce pinched the bridge of her nose as if to ward off a headache. “You didn’t memorize his phone number.”
A bashful look appeared on Xander’s face. “In my defense, JD just got a new phone and I haven’t exactly memorized the number yet.”
Joyce shook her head sadly.
Dawn tighten her grip around Xander’s waist, bring his attention back to her. “Xander?” She said as she looked up at him with big doe like eyes. “Are mom and me going to be living with you?”
“Ahhh… no,” Xander answered as he wiggled out of her grasp. “I live in this tiny hole in the wall apartment on the base. No room for you and Mrs. S. but I do know they have a nice place picked out for you.”
“You can always move in with us,” Dawn suggested.
“Dawn,” Joyce said in a slightly chastising tone of voice, “I’m sure that Xander is quite happy living by himself.”
“But mom,” Dawn whined.
Joyce shook her head. “No. I’m sure that Xander will be visit often but he probably enjoys living on his own.”
“Your mom’s right,” Xander added in as he gave Dawn a squeeze. “It’s really nice to live on my own and not hear my parents fighting or worry about coming home to find out that they sold my stuff.”
“But they’re on Earth and we’re not,” Dawn pointed out.
“I know but it’s a mental thing,” Xander explained.
Dawn’s face twisted up into one of frustration. “Are there at least some cute boys here?”
“I’m a straight man so I don’t notice cute boys but I do know that there are a number of men on the base that your sister and Willow would drool over,” Xander stated. “I also know that you’re jail bait and if any of them men touch you then I will be helping your mother hide the body.”
“Just zat them three times,” Jack chimed in.
“But the problem with that is there is no body. You need to leave some sign to warn off anyone one else from trying the same thing,” Xander pointed out.
“Xander!” Dawn exclaimed as she punched him in the arm. “How do you expect me to find a boyfriend if you keep threating them.”
“I think that’s the point,” Daniel added in.
Jack and Xander both nodded their heads.
“I think that right now would be a good time for Doctors Jackson and Carter to escort my daughter to the base,” Joyce suggested firmly. “Xander, Colonel O’Neill and I need to talk.”
“Shit!”
“Dead man walking,” Dawn said softly as she let go of Xander and backed away from him.
“Love you, too, Dawn,” Xander grumbled
Dawn smiled before practically skipping over to Teal’c and threaded her arm within his. “Would you be so kind as to walk with me to my new home, Mr. Teal’c?”
Teal’c bowed his head in acceptance. “I would be pleased to escort you, DawnSummers,” Teal’c replied. “I would be neglecting my duties to XanderHarris and your mother if I did not insure that the others on the base knew of the consequences of disrespecting you.”
Dawn blinked a couple of times. “Does that mean you won’t let me date either?”
“Indeed,” Teal’c said with a smirk as he started walking towards the base with Dawn at his side.
“She’ll never date again,” Daniel stated before starting after Teal’c and Dawn.
Carter just shook her head as she followed behind them. “Reminds me of a few girls in school and their fathers.”
Xander waited a few minutes for Dawn and her escorts to get out of hearing range. “Mrs. S, I can explain everything.”
Joyce held up her hand to signal him to stop talking as she shook her head. “You don’t have to explain any more, Xander,” she explained. “I actually need to apologize…”
“Apologize? For what?” Xander interrupted.
“For Buffy. For not see what she was doing to you. For what she was becoming. When she was little… she was always so kind and loving as a child,” Joyce explained with a shake of her head. “I don’t know where it all went wrong.”
“She became a teenager,” Jack answered. “And when she finally became an adult, she’ll stop being a bitch.”
Xander snorted. “That explains Willow too. Not that I didn’t have my bout of stupidity either.”
A brief smile cross Joyce’s face. “I still want to apologize for not noticing how bad it was and for not being there for you. You saved my girl’s life and because of your actions you made it possible for me to protect Dawn.”
A blush came to Xander’s face. “I did what I had to do,” he replied simply. “But that does bring up a point I wanted to ask about. Dawn?”
Joyce stance changes, became stronger and firmer. “You don’t remember her?”
Xander shook his head. “No. Not exactly. She’s… things… situation… it’s like remembering a dream. It’s hard to explain. I know her, I remember things about her, doing things with her, but I also don’t remember her.”
Joyce nodded her head in acceptance.
“So who exactly is she?” Xander asked.
Joyce glanced over at Jack then back at Xander. “My daughter,” she replied simply and in a voice that say she would accept no disagreement.
Xander looked at Joyce then at Jack and back to Joyce. With a firm nod of his head, Xander said, “One thing I remember about Dawn is that she’s more devious than I was when I was bored.”
“Guess it will be your job to keep her entertained then,” Jack said with a smirk.
“Just like it’s your job to keep Daniel out of trouble?” Xander replied.
“I doubt she could be worse than Daniel,” Jack stated.
“If Dr. Jackson is anything like Dr. Levant in Wormhole X-Treme then Dawn is the Dr. Jackson 2.0 - female version, only bigger, better and badder,” Joyce said with pride.
“Like mother, like daughter,” Xander added in.
Joyce smiled at Xander. “And don’t you forget it,” she said before starting down the path Dawn had took.
“Strong woman,” Jack said simply as he watched her walk away.
Xander nodded his head. “She’ll run this base with an iron hand within a month,” he declared before turning to look at Jack. “You know she’s single.”
Jack turn to look at Xander. “Are you trying to hook me up?”
Xander shrugged his shoulders as he started to walk towards base.. “Why not? You’re single. She’s single. I know you better than anyone else in the world, so I know you’ll treat her well and that you’re not really interested in Dawn and using Joyce to get to her. Perfect match.”
“Ah ha,” Jack replied in a tone that said ‘you’re crazy’. “Don’t think that will happen.”
“Alright. Why?” Xander demanded. “It’s not like you have to hide what you do from her.”
“Well, long distance relationships don’t really work,” Jack replied. “And you can’t get any longer distance when you’re on different planets.”
“And how often are you up here?” Xander replied with a smirk. “Of course if you’re afraid…”
Jack shot Xander a look. “You know I hate you.”
Xander just smiled in return. “You know dating Mrs. S would squash those rumors of you being involved with Carter or Daniel.”
“Oh for crying out loud!” Jack exclaimed. “Are those rumors still going around?”
“Yeap. I hear the pool is pretty high,” Xander replied with a sly smirk.
“Three way split?” Jack suggested.
Xander’s smirk grew as he nodded his head.
“You know that this means that I need to set you up with someone,” Jack stated.
“What? What do you mean set me up with someone?” Xander babbled. “Do you know the type of women that are interested in me? Does the term homicidal or deadly mean anything to you?”
Jack just smiled as he walked along.
“Jack! You can’t do it! Come on! You can’t. Please!” Xander begged as he followed along.