Magic Area Affects Wizards Health - ch 1/2
Title: Magic Area Affects Wizards Health
Author: Lady FoxFire
Pairing(s): None
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Crack
Category(s): Humor
Setting: Post Hogwarts
Summary: At some point in our lives we learn that we have to take a grain of salt for everything we see, hear and read because just because someone says it’s the truth, doesn’t mean it is. Shame the Wizard world doesn’t know that.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series nor do I make any money from this fic.
Bad Author Notes: My Muse decided that my life was dull and lifeless and that I needed some crack in it so she had me write this fic
Life in the wizard world had returned to normal with the defeat of the Dark Lord and his followers. Even the insanity of the trials for the followers and supporters of the Dark Lord had settled down.
Yes, life had returned to the way life should be; paying the bills, trying to win the girl of your dreams, changing the baby’s nappies and grumbling about the price of whatever thing you’re buying. This was the way life should be, peaceful, calm and placid.
In a small home on the edge of Godric’s Hollow, a father playfully chased his young children to the table as the mother finished cooking breakfast. With a quick kiss between the loving couple, the family settled down to eat the morning meal.
As the family ate their meal an owl landed on the window sill and pecked at the glass.
“Paper’s here,” the eldest child announced.
“Right you are, Helen,” her father glanced at the owl from the Daily Prophet. “And I believe its Ellen’s turn to get the paper.” He handed over the coins needed to pay for the paper to youngest child.
The little girl snatched the money from her father’s hand and raced to the window. Placing the coins in the pouch, she took the paper and carried it proudly back to her father.
“Here daddy,” the little girl said with a huge smile on her face.
“Good girl,” her father said as he gave his daughter a quick hug. “Now go finish your breakfast.”
“You did a good job, Ellen,” the children’s mother said as she helped her youngest girl back into her seat.
Ellen just smiled as she dug back into her breakfast.
“Anything interesting, John?” the mother directed the question to her husband and father of her children.
“The French Ministry are demanding an apology for some slight,” John replied. “Doesn’t say what it was. Protests in front of the new cinema a group claims that Muggle cinema corrupts the mind of our young.”
“I don’t know about that, but I do know Muggles come up with some strange ideas,” the mother replied. “They claim that a man has walked on the Moon, can you believe that? I find it hard to believe that a Muggle could ever do something before a wizard or witch could.”
Her husband made a sound she knew meant he agreed with her but said nothing more.
Annoyed by John’s continuing silence she asked. “John, are you listening to me?”
“Yes, dear. Just found an interesting article,” John replied.
“Oh? What’s it about?” The wife asked.
Her husband was silent for a moment before handing over the paper. “Last article on page 2,” he told her.
Magic Area Affects Wizards Health.
The Kanines-Buck Institute recently announced that they had completed an exhaustive study on the effects of living in areas of high magical concentration has on witches and wizards. The Institute concluded that living in a high magically concentrated area such as Diagon Alley, Hogwarts and some of the great Pure-blood homes was dangerous to the health of witches and wizards.
The Kanines-Buck Institute has documented proof that living in such areas causes problems such as impotence, constipation, diarrhea, flatulence, infertility, infidelity, narcissism, superiority complex, over-inflated sense of superiority, sheeple mentality, addiction, incest and lower mental capacity.”
Luckily for all the witches and wizard who suffer through these ailments, there is a cure. The Kanines-Buck Institute state that by having witches and wizards move from an area of high magical concentration to one that has a low magical concentration and in some case to areas of no magic seems to reverse some of the ailment if not completely cure them.
For the students of Hogwarts, the Kanines-Buck Institute recommends that they spend their summer months in no magic areas for their own safety.
Kanines-Buck Institute does state that those who live in low or no magic areas and who have to work or visit areas of high magical concentration don’t have to worry as long as they regularly return to the low or no magic areas.
When this reporter ask the director of Kanines-Buck Institute, Dr. Flimflam what witches and wizards who live in areas of high magical concentration should do, the doctor said, “While it’s not my place to tell people what they should do, I know exactly what I would do. If I lived in Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley or actually any of the alleys I would spend a little bit of time each day in a muggle area. Maybe take a walk along the River Thames or visit Royal Botanic Gardens. For the professor at Hogwarts, summer breaks and sabbaticals would be the best things for them. As for those who own manors, especially the very ancient ones, I would recommend that they sell them and move to a low or no magic areas.”
Dr. Flimflam continued one and actual gave example on the effect of living high magical density versus low magical dense. The two families he used were the Malfoys and the Weasleys. The family who lives in their ancient ancestral home struggled to bear and heir to the family line while the Weasleys who live in an area of low magical concentration easily had 7 children. The Malfoys who suffered from moments of questionable judgment joined the last Dark Lord, who was defeated by Harry Potter who grew up in a no magic area, while the Weasley family produced children who work in a various occupations such as curse breakers, dragon handlers, two of their children actually started their own business which now employed 5 witches and wizards.
This reporter did some further research in Kanines-Buck Institute claims and can’t find any reason to doubt it. So that leaves the question about what the wizard world will do with this new knowledge, do we continue on as we have done before or do we follow the Kanines-Buck Institute’s suggestion?
The wife looks at her husband then at their children. “Do you think we’re in an area with a low enough magical concentration?” she said softly.
“I don’t know,” her husband told her as he took in all the magical items around them. “I don’t know.”
Author: Lady FoxFire
Pairing(s): None
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Crack
Category(s): Humor
Setting: Post Hogwarts
Summary: At some point in our lives we learn that we have to take a grain of salt for everything we see, hear and read because just because someone says it’s the truth, doesn’t mean it is. Shame the Wizard world doesn’t know that.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series nor do I make any money from this fic.
Bad Author Notes: My Muse decided that my life was dull and lifeless and that I needed some crack in it so she had me write this fic
Life in the wizard world had returned to normal with the defeat of the Dark Lord and his followers. Even the insanity of the trials for the followers and supporters of the Dark Lord had settled down.
Yes, life had returned to the way life should be; paying the bills, trying to win the girl of your dreams, changing the baby’s nappies and grumbling about the price of whatever thing you’re buying. This was the way life should be, peaceful, calm and placid.
In a small home on the edge of Godric’s Hollow, a father playfully chased his young children to the table as the mother finished cooking breakfast. With a quick kiss between the loving couple, the family settled down to eat the morning meal.
As the family ate their meal an owl landed on the window sill and pecked at the glass.
“Paper’s here,” the eldest child announced.
“Right you are, Helen,” her father glanced at the owl from the Daily Prophet. “And I believe its Ellen’s turn to get the paper.” He handed over the coins needed to pay for the paper to youngest child.
The little girl snatched the money from her father’s hand and raced to the window. Placing the coins in the pouch, she took the paper and carried it proudly back to her father.
“Here daddy,” the little girl said with a huge smile on her face.
“Good girl,” her father said as he gave his daughter a quick hug. “Now go finish your breakfast.”
“You did a good job, Ellen,” the children’s mother said as she helped her youngest girl back into her seat.
Ellen just smiled as she dug back into her breakfast.
“Anything interesting, John?” the mother directed the question to her husband and father of her children.
“The French Ministry are demanding an apology for some slight,” John replied. “Doesn’t say what it was. Protests in front of the new cinema a group claims that Muggle cinema corrupts the mind of our young.”
“I don’t know about that, but I do know Muggles come up with some strange ideas,” the mother replied. “They claim that a man has walked on the Moon, can you believe that? I find it hard to believe that a Muggle could ever do something before a wizard or witch could.”
Her husband made a sound she knew meant he agreed with her but said nothing more.
Annoyed by John’s continuing silence she asked. “John, are you listening to me?”
“Yes, dear. Just found an interesting article,” John replied.
“Oh? What’s it about?” The wife asked.
Her husband was silent for a moment before handing over the paper. “Last article on page 2,” he told her.
Magic Area Affects Wizards Health.
The Kanines-Buck Institute recently announced that they had completed an exhaustive study on the effects of living in areas of high magical concentration has on witches and wizards. The Institute concluded that living in a high magically concentrated area such as Diagon Alley, Hogwarts and some of the great Pure-blood homes was dangerous to the health of witches and wizards.
The Kanines-Buck Institute has documented proof that living in such areas causes problems such as impotence, constipation, diarrhea, flatulence, infertility, infidelity, narcissism, superiority complex, over-inflated sense of superiority, sheeple mentality, addiction, incest and lower mental capacity.”
Luckily for all the witches and wizard who suffer through these ailments, there is a cure. The Kanines-Buck Institute state that by having witches and wizards move from an area of high magical concentration to one that has a low magical concentration and in some case to areas of no magic seems to reverse some of the ailment if not completely cure them.
For the students of Hogwarts, the Kanines-Buck Institute recommends that they spend their summer months in no magic areas for their own safety.
Kanines-Buck Institute does state that those who live in low or no magic areas and who have to work or visit areas of high magical concentration don’t have to worry as long as they regularly return to the low or no magic areas.
When this reporter ask the director of Kanines-Buck Institute, Dr. Flimflam what witches and wizards who live in areas of high magical concentration should do, the doctor said, “While it’s not my place to tell people what they should do, I know exactly what I would do. If I lived in Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley or actually any of the alleys I would spend a little bit of time each day in a muggle area. Maybe take a walk along the River Thames or visit Royal Botanic Gardens. For the professor at Hogwarts, summer breaks and sabbaticals would be the best things for them. As for those who own manors, especially the very ancient ones, I would recommend that they sell them and move to a low or no magic areas.”
Dr. Flimflam continued one and actual gave example on the effect of living high magical density versus low magical dense. The two families he used were the Malfoys and the Weasleys. The family who lives in their ancient ancestral home struggled to bear and heir to the family line while the Weasleys who live in an area of low magical concentration easily had 7 children. The Malfoys who suffered from moments of questionable judgment joined the last Dark Lord, who was defeated by Harry Potter who grew up in a no magic area, while the Weasley family produced children who work in a various occupations such as curse breakers, dragon handlers, two of their children actually started their own business which now employed 5 witches and wizards.
This reporter did some further research in Kanines-Buck Institute claims and can’t find any reason to doubt it. So that leaves the question about what the wizard world will do with this new knowledge, do we continue on as we have done before or do we follow the Kanines-Buck Institute’s suggestion?
The wife looks at her husband then at their children. “Do you think we’re in an area with a low enough magical concentration?” she said softly.
“I don’t know,” her husband told her as he took in all the magical items around them. “I don’t know.”