Our last days together.
Sitting there. Petting my little girl. She purrs only a little for me and only in the mornings. Mostly, she turns away. She doesn't want the attention. She doesn't want to be acknowledged.
She sits over her water bowl for hours on end. I watch as she battles internally with the instinct that says "drink", and a body that says "no more".
She hasn't eaten in over 4 days. She barely drinks. Most of her liquid is coming from the needle with which ocicat and I my administer SQ fluids. Her eyes are so sunken in.
More energy is displayed tonight. Purrs and her archetypal complaining squeak. A double dose of sub-cutaneous fluids given tonight. Afterwards, as I'm rubbing them in, she purrs for me. I feel encouraged as she goes over to her water plate and laps some more. I run to the kitchen and prepare a little dish of tuna water for her. I place it next to her. She takes one sniff and immediately leaves, clearly repulsed.
It is pretty clear that while she wants to be comfortable, but is ready to go now and is saying as much in the only ways she has to do so.
The hydration we've been giving her is helping her comfort level significantly. She's started purring again for me. I'm so glad she's purring again. She'd almost stopped there for a couple days.
Tonight, I seem to be staying up with her. I expect I'll be getting very little sleep. She is resting on a sheepskin on my bed. My room is extra warm for her, as her circulation is going. She is cool to the touch tonight. She's used up all her fat stores. She is just skin and bones. I have heating pad (on very low) near her that I use lightly to aid her comfort. Must be very cautious though, since she doesn't seem to be cautious any more.
Purrs and little Na'arah complaints.
She seems to like the warmth of my hand.
I'm mostly beyond tears at this point. Mostly...
I am so worn out. Exhausted physically and emotionally. Yet, sleep seems unimportant next to staying with her, petting her now and then, and watching her peacefully nap....knowing this will be my last night with her.
Dear child, if you would only lap a bit at the tuna water or nibble just a bit of food, I could hope that maybe we could bring you back from this. Twice before, you've started down this path. Once, 7 years ago. Once, this spring. Each time, I knew that it was not yet time and I fought to help bring you back. This time...this time, painful though it is for me, it feels wrong to hold you back. This time I must let you go.
I love you, my little girl. And I will miss you terribly. *sob*
She sits over her water bowl for hours on end. I watch as she battles internally with the instinct that says "drink", and a body that says "no more".
She hasn't eaten in over 4 days. She barely drinks. Most of her liquid is coming from the needle with which ocicat and I my administer SQ fluids. Her eyes are so sunken in.
More energy is displayed tonight. Purrs and her archetypal complaining squeak. A double dose of sub-cutaneous fluids given tonight. Afterwards, as I'm rubbing them in, she purrs for me. I feel encouraged as she goes over to her water plate and laps some more. I run to the kitchen and prepare a little dish of tuna water for her. I place it next to her. She takes one sniff and immediately leaves, clearly repulsed.
It is pretty clear that while she wants to be comfortable, but is ready to go now and is saying as much in the only ways she has to do so.
The hydration we've been giving her is helping her comfort level significantly. She's started purring again for me. I'm so glad she's purring again. She'd almost stopped there for a couple days.
Tonight, I seem to be staying up with her. I expect I'll be getting very little sleep. She is resting on a sheepskin on my bed. My room is extra warm for her, as her circulation is going. She is cool to the touch tonight. She's used up all her fat stores. She is just skin and bones. I have heating pad (on very low) near her that I use lightly to aid her comfort. Must be very cautious though, since she doesn't seem to be cautious any more.
Purrs and little Na'arah complaints.
She seems to like the warmth of my hand.
I'm mostly beyond tears at this point. Mostly...
I am so worn out. Exhausted physically and emotionally. Yet, sleep seems unimportant next to staying with her, petting her now and then, and watching her peacefully nap....knowing this will be my last night with her.
Dear child, if you would only lap a bit at the tuna water or nibble just a bit of food, I could hope that maybe we could bring you back from this. Twice before, you've started down this path. Once, 7 years ago. Once, this spring. Each time, I knew that it was not yet time and I fought to help bring you back. This time...this time, painful though it is for me, it feels wrong to hold you back. This time I must let you go.
I love you, my little girl. And I will miss you terribly. *sob*