Wrapped in Honey 35/49
Chapter 35
The next morning Sam hesitated when it was time to leave for work.
"You can set up the spell if that makes you feel better." Dean offered, of course he'd noticed and of course he knew exactly why Sam was just fiddling with his keys instead of leaving already.
"No." Sam said harsher than he'd intended to. "No." He repeated softer. "I trust you." He brushed a peck on Dean's cheek and with that he forced himself to finally leave.
On his way to work he had time to think and now it occurred to him that he still had no way to check in with Dean over the day. He had his phone and laptop with him as usual but now that seemed rather pointless. If Dean wanted to contact somebody, he could do that now. Or he could just walk out of the door and leave for good.
Dean hadn't mentioned Bobby but Sam knew him well enough by now to know that the thought that his friend would be in danger if he left had at least crossed Dean's mind. Sam made a mental note to assure Dean that whatever he did, it wouldn't have any consequences for Bobby.
A shiver ran down his spine thinking of the night they went to the bar. Out of fear for his friend Dean had tried to hold his end of the deal, no matter what condition he had been in. Yeah, Sam should probably clear that point up.
In the office Sam threw himself into work but the thoughts were persistent, no matter how hard he pushed them away they always came back. Last night Dean had come as close as he might ever come to telling Sam that he loved him. And if he was honest, Sam felt the same. However, this was not right, not like this, he was painfully aware of that.
The way Dean had offered to accept the spell again, the way he'd said "You're the boss." yesterday in the diner ... Sam shook his head. They weren't equal in this. And how could he be sure the feelings on Dean's part were true? Maybe this was some mindfuckery Stockholm syndrome stuff.
No, the way it was now they could never become equal partners in this. But hell if he knew how to solve that problem.
Ellen would have an open ear for him but she was human and he couldn't edit his story and still expect her to come up with a good answer when she was missing out on huge pieces.
You know, I've never told you but I'm an incubus and I bought this human on the Food Market ... He chuckled to that thought. Yeah, she would totally believe him.
However, talking to somebody might be a good idea, he decided and reached for his phone.
"Benny?" He asked when the vampire picked up. "What are your plans for lunch?"
They met in a donut shop near the police station, the irony wasn't lost to Sam, but Sam could use some caffeine and sugar.
"So you forgot to lock the cage." Benny summed up the situation. "And your little pet went out for a stroll."
"He's not my pet." Sam sighted and sipped at his coffee. "That's the problem."
"He didn't run and he didn't try to kill you." Benny pointed out. "Sounds like a happily ever after to me."
"I can still set up the spell any time I please and I have bought him, that's still on his mind."
"What do your want?" Benny asked. He ignored the donuts but nursed his coffee, more to blend in than anything else, Sam guessed and reached for another donut. He could bring the rest of the box back to Dean.
"I don't know." Sam shook his head. "That we're equal in this, that he doesn't have to fear that I'll just send him back to the Food Market or hurt his friend if he doesn't behave."
"You know, there's this vampire saying." Benny said and Sam rolled his eyes.
"Is this some Confucius says shit?" He asked but the vampire ignored him.
"If you love something, let it go ..."
"I've heard that one before." He had and it probably was the only way out of this situation. It was just that he wasn't sure if he was ready for it.
"... if it doesn't return, hunt it down and kill it." Benny ended the saying with a too toothy smile. "But you're not a vampire so you could leave out the last part."
Sam just stared at him for a moment. "You're impossible."
"You asked for my advice." Benny shrugged. "But I'm not sure what the others will think of a human running wild with too much information."
"He's not just a human." Now it was Sam's turn for a smug grin. "He's an associate. Confirmed by Crowley."
"How did you do that?" Benny narrowed his eyes on him. "You didn't sleep with him, did you?"
"With Crowley?" Sam shuddered. "I'm not that desperate. I did him a favor a while back and you know him, a salesman to the bone."
"So your little pet is an associate. Smart."
They finished their coffees and then they had to go back to work. However, their little talk had helped Sam coming to a decision. It was time to take a leap of faith.
When he came home he had a moment of doubt. Would Dean be there?
But when the car rolled into the garage Dean was right there, working on one of the cars with the air brush pistol.
"It's coming around nicely." Sam observed when he stepped closer. Dean turned around at his words, a warm smile on his lips, and greeted him with a kiss.
Each car looked different, however, Dean made sure that the scrap touch as he called it stayed obvious. That was the special thing about his cars, what made them different from all the generic crap out there and Sam couldn't be prouder. And he still wanted to strangle John Winchester for almost crushing his son's talent and feeling of self-worth.
"I brought donuts for dessert." Sam remembered and got the box out of the car.
"What did I do to deserve this?" Dean asked and put away his tools, looked like he was done for the day.
"Nothing, I just had lunch with Benny and when you've lunch with a cop, you have donuts." They headed for the elevator. "Benny didn't eat his share."
"I wonder why."
Dean had dinner ready, stew that had to simmer on the stove for hours so he could work in the basement without constantly running upstairs to stir it, and after that they had their donuts. Well fed they dropped on the couch.
Sam would have loved to just stay there with some mindless TV before they went to bed but he wanted to set some things right. And he wanted to do it now before he lost his courage.
"Dean, there are some thing we need to talk about." Sam finally said and the way Dean stiffened at those words was just more proof to the fact that they did need to talk.
"Okay?" He tried to say it casually.
"First of all, the spell."
"Sure, I get that." He said, his voice even but his eyes betrayed him. "You have to make sure."
Sam fished a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it over to Dean.
"What's that?" He unfolded it, a confused look on his face when he mouthed the Latin words.
"That's how you break the spell." Sam explained. "These words spoken inside the perimeter of the spell and it's gone."
"What?" Dean stared at him in clear disbelieve. "Why?"
Why, that was the big question. Sam sat up straighter and turned a little to fully face Dean.
Here goes nothing, he thought.
"Dean, I love you." There, the words were out. "And I want us in a relationship. A real relationship." He paused, unsure how to say the next part without giving Dean the impression that he wanted to push him away.
"I want that, too." Dean answered, taking away one of Sam's biggest fears. What if Dean didn't want the same here? That question had been on his mind all day. But it looked like he'd been worried for no reason at all.
"But we can't have it like this." Sam continued. "We can't be equal partners as long as I hold your life in my hands."
Dean was silent to that, eyes on the piece of paper in his hand.
"The spell is one thing." Sam continued. "But that's not enough."
"What do you mean?"
"You need to leave." Sam said and raised his hand to cut off the protest already on Dean's lips. "Hear me out." He said just like Dean used to when he came up with one of his ideas.
"I love you and I want to be with you." He repeated it because he needed Dean to understand that part. "But we have to break out of this situation. So I want you to pack your stuff, pack the cars and leave. It doesn't have to be now but soon. Go to Bobby or wherever you want. Think about this, about us. Figure out your feelings. I don't want to see or hear from your for at least two weeks. Longer if you need that, take all the time you want. If you don't want to come back, you don't. You don't have to explain it to me or anything. If that's your decision, it's your decision and I will accept it. But if you do want to come back, you know where to find me. I'll be waiting for you."
Dean hadn't interrupted his little speech and now they just sat there in silence while Dean let the words think in.
"That sounds way to healthy for us." Dean finally broke the moment with an awkward laugh. "But you're probably right." He rubbed the back of his head and didn't look Sam in the eye.
"I am?" He sat back in astonishment. "That was easy. I expected more of a fight."
"C'mon, I'm not stupid." Dean shot back. "I know how fucked up this whole thing is." He said it easily but Sam wasn't sure if that wasn't just on the surface.
"You got the part where I said that I love you, right?"
"Yeah, I heard you."
"Good." Sam hoped that was enough. The last thing he wanted for Dean was for him to feel rejected. "We'll rent you a car until you have your baby back." Sam offered, fully aware of the fact that one of the first things Dean would do as a free man was to get his car.
"Baby." Now his face lit up. "Hope Bobby took good care of her."
"You'll find out soon." Sam promised and made a mental note to push this along. Dean should leave soon. With his online shop it didn't matter where Dean worked on his cars so this wouldn't screw up his blooming business and maybe he would find new material in Bobby's salvage yard.
"What should I tell Bobby?" Dean asked and the real question he was asking was what he was allowed to tell. Sam suppressed a sigh, this was the reason why they needed to do this.
"That's up to you. You can sic a bunch of hunters on my ass if you want." It was a possibility. Sam had mentioned hunters often enough for Dean to know about them as well. But that was a risk Sam had to take.
"And the community would just let me go?"
"You're officially an associate." Sam grinned at him. "As that you can wander around or leave the city without them bothering you."
"Sweet."
Before this could turn into an awkward silence Sam switched on the TV but he couldn't focus on what was happening on the screen, thoughts were running circles in his head and he doubted it was any different for Dean.
"But before I leave." Dean finally spoke up. "We'll get you fed for real. Don't want you to starve while I'm gone."
Chapter 36
Masterpost