Could You Just Hold Me? 42/50
Chapter 42
Bobby's house wasn't that new or that big so the insulation sucked and it was small enough to just throw your head back and yell and you would be heard everywhere in the house.
So when Bobby lay on his bed and tried to make sense out of the whole mess, he heard noises from downstairs. Thankfully too muffled to be clearly interpreted and Bobby didn't strain his ears and so he could tell himself that it was the TV that chanted fuckSamfuckfuckNickSamSamfuckNick in Dean's voice.
Pulling his pillow over his head Bobby tried to silence the sadistic little voice in his mind that wondered about the logistics of three men having sex.
Dean and Nick, Sam and Nick, Dean and Sam, Dean and Sam and Nick.
His head started to hurt.
Later there were the noises of the three men getting ready for bed and quiet voices but nothing suspicious anymore and then silence fell over the house.
Bobby breathed easier now but he couldn't sleep until way after midnight. And when he did fall asleep, it was a restless sleep full of weird dreams he couldn't remember in the morning but which left him with an uneasy feeling.
This morning Bobby was up earlier than usual but he was sick of staring into the darkness and listening to the "But they are brothers." that was running in his head like a broken record.
He didn't go straight for the kitchen, though. Almost silent on sock clad feet he entered the study where Sam was sleeping on the too short couch.
Sam didn't stir and Bobby studied him for long minutes. His little boy had gotten big.
Nick's words echoed in his mind. That Sam had been kicked out of Dean's bed because of Nick.
Nick's little guilt-trip was nonsense, nothing of this was his fault, but Bobby couldn't help but wonder if it was his. Sam was sleeping on the couch because of him. Because they couldn't trust Bobby with the truth. And it hurt to admit, they were right.
"He's your brother." Bobby whispered too quietly to disturb Sam. "How could you?"
Or had it been Dean who had started this? He was the older one, after all. Which led to the unpleasant question of when it had started. Before Stanford? Bobby remembered how devastated Dean had been back then and that too looked different now.
Bobby forced himself to stop that train of thoughts. His decision from last night still stood. He needed to know more before he did something drastic.
By the time Nick came into the kitchen, hair still damp from the scalding hot shower he had every morning, Bobby had read the paper front to back and was nursing his third coffee.
"Morning." Nick greeted him and Bobby poured him a coffee.
"Dean's still sleeping?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah." Nick tried his coffee and let out a satisfied sigh. "But Sam offered a ride so as much as I'd like to see it, no need for kicking Dean's ass out of bed. Sorry." He gave Bobby a sweet smile and Bobby's heart just melted for this boy.
It was easy to forget what this boy had been through just a few weeks ago. And here he sat like nothing had happened and Bobby was certain that Sam and Dean had played a huge part in that. Nick was strong on his own but his relationship with the brothers had certainly helped.
True to his word Sam was up not long after that and to Bobby's surprise they all sat in comfortable silence at the kitchen table, enjoying their coffees. It was way less awkward than Bobby had feared.
Bobby observed their interaction with new eyes and now it made sense why Nick had so easily accepted Sam's support alongside Dean's while he wouldn't let anybody else even near. They were more than friends, knowing that now it was hard to believe that Bobby had missed that fact before. It was so plain obvious from how they looked at each other, how they touched. They were clearly in love.
By the time Sam came back from dropping Nick off, Dean had found his way down to the kitchen as well. Still in his sleepwear and with his hair sticking out in every direction he looked way too young for the coffee he was drinking.
"Look who's up." Sam grinned at his brother and the way they looked at each other Bobby wondered if they would kiss if he wouldn't be around. He didn't want to see them kissing, didn't even want to think about them kissing, but a part of him felt sorry they had to restrain themselves in his presence.
They left him with the dishes, again, Dean muttering about getting dressed and something he wanted to check on his car and Sam just tagged along when Dean went outside. So Bobby stood at the sink once again from where he had a good view on the Impala parked outside without being spotted easily himself.
Dean popped up the hood and bent over a little bit to have a look at the engine. The brothers talked for a moment while Dean tinkered with the car and when Dean stretched to reach something farther away Sam raised his hand and for a moment it looked like he wanted to grab his brother's ass but then he dropped the hand with a horrified expression on his face and a side glance towards the house. Sensing that something was wrong Dean straightened up and turned to his brother and just the way he stood there, closer than he should as a brother but completely comfortable with that closeness, made this sight more intimate than it could be with them kissing. Bobby felt like an intruder but didn't dare to move to not draw attention to himself.
Sam's gaze flickered once again to the house and Dean followed his line of sight and then stepped back from his brother. Stepping back, turning from lover to brother.
That one step changed everything.
They were hurting themselves, Bobby realized. They were hurting. For what? To keep this secret from Bobby. Because Bobby wouldn't understand. Because Bobby might yell at them and kick them out of his life. Bobby knew because last night he had thought exactly that, had considered kicking them out.
Bobby tried to mentally step back from what he knew about them, tried to blend out they were brothers, that he'd known them all his life as that. Brothers.
Nick didn't seem to have a problem with them being brothers and Bobby tried to see them like Nick would. He doubted the first thing they had told Nick was that they were brothers. Considering how their relationship had started they probably didn't even exchange names at first. So just two men being together.
Seeing it from that angle Bobby could understand why Nick didn't have a problem with this fact. To him it was just a fact. A random little thing to know about them that didn't really matter. Like the color of their eyes or the names of their parents.
On a rational level Bobby understood that angle but it wasn't his. He couldn't deny the fact that he knew them since they were little and first of all they were brothers to him.
But maybe he didn't have to deny anything. Maybe he could accept that they were more than brothers. Which wasn't that much of an extension of their brotherly relationship which, if Bobby was honest, was closer than it should be for brothers anyway.
How exactly Nick fit into this Bobby wasn't sure but he was willing to accept their relationship as whatever it was. First of all Sam and Dean were like sons to him and he couldn't see them hurt and with his eyes open now he saw them hurt all the time. As long as he was near, they had to play their role as brothers and deny themselves what they wanted to keep the facade up. And because of that they were hurting and Bobby couldn't stand that.
However, he had no clue how to solve this. He couldn't just tell them that he knew because yeah, that would be an awkward conversation. And even if he was willing to turn a blind eye on the whole brother thing this was fairly new to him and he still needed time.
So when Sam came in not long after that Bobby was in his study pretending that everything was normal. Sam turned on his laptop and they both worked in silence and everything was normal.
"You looking for a job?" Bobby asked. From his place he couldn't read what was on Sam's screen but he recognized newspaper articles.
"Dean's getting restless." Sam replied without looking up from the screen.
"And Nick?" Bobby wondered. "Are you going to take him with you?"
Now Sam looked up and turned to face Bobby.
"We haven't talked about that yet." He admitted. "And I don't know if Nick is ready to leave or not but him working with Adela is a good sign so we hoped …" He didn't elaborate what he hoped, maybe he didn't actually know what he was hoping for.
"No need to rush." Bobby folded his hands on top of the book he was reading. "You can stay here as long as you want."
The deeper meaning of that was lost to Sam, of course, but even in the new light Bobby's house was theirs.
"Thanks." Sam smiled at him in honest gratefulness. "We appreciate that, we do. But the succubus is who knows where and Nick has to live with what she did to him and I have the feeling he's ready to move on soon."
"This ain't something you just move on from."
"I know." Sam's face turned sad and only then Bobby remembered that it wasn't only Nick who that bitch had had her hands on. Granted, Dean's encounter had been years ago but seeing Nick and helping him through withdrawal for sure had brought some memories back. And the fact that this had been personal, of course. The succubus had left a message for Dean, had raped Nick for no other reason than to hurt Dean.
Dean was so good at hiding his feelings it was easy to forget that he was hurting as well. For Dean it had always worked best to just go on as if nothing bad had happened so being on the road again and killing a monster or two would be working best for Dean. What would be working best for Nick Bobby didn't know but it wouldn't be for the worse if Nick could be with his lovers without having to restrain himself.
"We're going to talk about this later today." Sam interrupted Bobby's thoughts. "See what Nick wants to do."
Bobby nodded at that. In the end it was Nick's decision what to do with his life.
"I don't know about you." Bobby said. "But I'm not sure if I can picture him as a hunter. Don't get me wrong, he loves the research, that is obvious, and he's good at it, but I can't see him out there working a case."
Sam made a face, trying to picture it. "We'll work something out."
They returned to their respective work and for a while the only noises in the room came from Sam typing on his laptop.
In that silence the roar of an engine coming to life seemed even louder than usual.
"What the …?" Sam was at the window in a heartbeat and when Bobby joined him a second later they could only watch the tail of the Impala skittering around the corner.
continue to chapter 43
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