Could You Just Hold Me? 34/50
Chapter 34
They had been at Bobby's for two weeks now and Sam and Dean, Dean more than Sam, though, started to become restless. They would never push it and they would stay here with Nick as long as he wanted it, as he needed it, and Bobby was more than happy to have them around, Nick never doubted that but this was no permanent solution. So Nick started thinking about his future.
He saw three options. He could go back to what he'd done before, he could find a real job or he could become a hunter and go with Sam and Dean.
Sioux Falls for sure had a corner with men working the streets and he'd never been ashamed of what he did to earn his money so that wasn't the problem but so far he had only been comfortable with that one night out in the field with Sam and Dean. Since then there had been only small touches and little kisses. With Bobby around Sam was mostly out of his reach but even with Dean he hadn't done anything more than kissing and touching above the waist, no even jerking each other off in the middle of the night or anything like that. Nick highly doubted he could do that and more with a complete stranger. Not now, maybe never again. So that option was out.
Getting a real job was tempting but without any qualification or experience aside from his outstanding cock sucking skills it would be difficult at least to find a job. And there was still the issue that he was a wanted man. Sam had checked on the case of Aiden's murder regularly and the warrant was still out. Using his real name could be risky, nowadays people googled everything and one search for his name could get him in real trouble. Nick kept the real job option in mind but had no idea how or if he could realize it.
Which left the hunter option. Nick loved the research, he hadn't done much else over the last week. He absorbed every bit of information and when a hunter called Bobby with a question it was like a puzzle to solve and Nick dove in, forgetting everything else until he had solved that puzzle.
Becoming a hunter would also mean that he could be with Sam and Dean permanently and that was a big pro for this option. What he didn't know was if he could handle the actual hunt. He had survived his encounter with the succubus, he had stabbed her with a piece of glass until he thought she was dead.
But that had been in self-defense. Going after a creature with the clear intent to kill it? That was something completely different. And even if he just stayed with the research and let the brothers handle the killing, he would be stuck in a motel room while they were out there and he could only hope that they would come back to him in one piece, or at least not dead.
Nick made the decision to at least try the hunter option.
"Dean?" Nick approached his boyfriend who had been working on a car all morning. Fed up with Dean lingering around Bobby had sent him out to make himself useful and the way Dean hummed while he was working, he was happy with this task. Even if it was just a junker he had to strip for salvageable parts.
Bent over the engine and with his t-shirt all greasy and sweaty Dean looked gorgeous and Nick openly admired the view for a moment.
"Yeah?" Dean came up and wiped sweat from his forehead which worked against the sweat but left more grease on his face. He'd need a shower later. A thorough one. Nick banned the thought of a naked, soapy Dean under the shower from his mind, this was important.
"I was thinking." Nick started, unsure how to ask. They had never spoken about this before and he wasn't sure how Dean would react to the idea.
"About what?" Dean prompted when Nick didn't continue. He leaned against the car and waited patiently for Nick to speak.
"Could you teach me how to shoot?"
"Sure." Dean eyed him, trying to read him. "May I ask why?"
Nick took the spot next to him so they were shoulder to shoulder and not staring at each other. For some reason he could talk more openly this way.
"Bobby is nice and all." He dragged the tip of his sneaker over the ground. "But it can't stay like this forever."
"It can stay like this as long as you want." Dean reminded him. "Bobby loves you."
"I know and I'm not talking about leaving tomorrow." Nick let out a sigh. "I'd like to come with you. With you and Sam. Hunting."
Dean didn't say anything for a long moment. "Are you sure?"
"No." Nick answered honestly. He wasn't sure. Hell, the closest he'd ever come to a gun had been when that mugger had pointed one at him. And he hadn't taken that well at all. "That's why I want you to teach me how to shoot."
"Guess it can't hurt if you know your way around a gun." Dean pushed himself off the car and cleaned his hands with a rag. "But it's a dangerous job and I would rather know you somewhere safe."
"You and Sam are hunters." Nick countered. Was Dean worried about his safety or didn't he want Nick around all the time? The old fear that he was only the additional fuck toy they could use whenever they felt like it sparked up again even if he knew it wasn't true. They loved him, he knew that.
"No one in their right mind chooses this life " Dean threw the rag aside and nodded for Nick to follow him to the Impala. "Sam and me? We were raised into this. You have options, you can do whatever you want with your life."
"What options?" Nick fell in step next to him. "You think I work as a hooker because it's the most appealing option?" It came out more bitter than he'd intended. He had been content with his life. It hadn't been his dream life but without that he would have never met Sam and Dean, for example.
Dean threw him a glance but didn't say anything and opened the hidden compartment in the Impala's trunk.
Nick had seen the arsenal before, Dean had used the last days for maintenance and had gone through the whole arsenal, had cleaned the guns, sharpened the knifes and restocked what needed restocking, but now Nick saw it with new eyes. Now it wasn't just academic interest, now he was about to actually use one of the weapons.
Dean took out a pistol with ivory grips and a clip with bullets. Nick's mouth went dry and he was close to calling this off. Seeing the gun alone gave him the creeps.
"Let's go to the back." Dean took the lead. They went around the house and then through the labyrinth of car wrecks to the far end of Bobby's property.
"Is this okay?" Nick looked around, the nearest house was pretty far away but still. "Won't somebody hear?"
"Don't worry." Dean reassured him. "Sam and I have emptied a few clips back here, I can tell you, nobody cares."
"Okay." Nick tried to hide his nervousness. "What are we going to shoot at?"
Dean pointed with his finger at a nearby car wrack. "Driver's door over there."
He looked at the gun in his hand and for a moment Nick was sure that Dean would call this off and Nick wouldn't mind at all. He didn't feel comfortable with this but he wanted to go through with it. Nick needed to know if he could do this. He wouldn't be of much use as a hunter if he couldn't handle a gun.
"Okay, safety rules first." Dean said and his whole manner changed. From one second to the other he changed from the man unsure if he should do this to a teacher who knew what he was talking about and who knew exactly how to teach the subject. As if he'd done this before.
"Unless you want to shoot something, you point at something safe." Dean established the first rule. "So even if the gun gets off you won't hurt anybody. And try to not shoot your own foot."
"Point at something safe." Nick repeated but that rule was pretty clear. Common sense told him that it wasn't a good idea to wave a gun around.
"Second, keep your fingers off the trigger." He pointed at that part of the gun. "You don't touch it until you really want to shoot."
Even without Dean pointing it out Nick would have kept his fingers as far away as possible from the trigger.
"This is the safety." Dean showed him how to flick it on and off. "Make sure the safety is on and the gun is unloaded. You inside the clip only when you are ready to shoot something. And you always handle a gun as if it is loaded. Always."
Dean looked him in the eye and Nick nodded his understanding.
"Okay, let's try this." Dean gave him the gun and under his watchful eye Nick loaded it but kept the safety on. "Good, come here."
Dean stood behind him, his chest pressed at Nick's back and his steady hands covering Nick's slightly trembling ones around the gun.
"This is going to be loud." Dean said and adjusted his stand. "And be ready for the recoil. Okay, nice and slow now."
The shot was loud and the recoil slammed up his arms to his shoulders and Nick tumbled backwards into the solid wall of Dean. With a scream he dropped the gun.
"Shit." Dean dragged him backwards and twisted them around so that he was between Nick and the gun on the ground. When nothing happened Dean let out a breath right next to Nick's ear.
"I forgot to mention that you never just drop a gun." Dean finally said and picked up the pistol. He unloaded it and flicked the safety on with practiced movements and without really looking at what his hands were doing, his worried eyes were on Nick. In the end he did look down to check the chamber, though.
"Sorry." Nick said meekly.
"Just don't do that again." Dean shook his head in amusement. "You wanna try again?"
"I don't think I like guns very much." Nick admitted. This had been a stupid idea. He had never liked guns and he liked them even less now. The last thing he wanted to do was to hold that thing in his hands again.
"Nick." Dean stepped closer and slung his gun free arm around his shoulder. "Don't try to force yourself into something you are not. You don't have to become a hunter, you don't have to learn how to shoot."
Nick hung his head. He wanted to be more than just a burden. He needed to be more. But this little lesson in shooting had just confirmed what he'd already known but had refused to accept. He wasn't a hunter. He didn't need to become one, he got that, but that didn't help him with his general problem. He could still be a researcher, he guessed. However, Sam and Bobby had years on him and knew things off the top of their heads which he still had to learn the hard way.
"Don't push yourself too hard." Dean squeezed his shoulder and when they returned to the car he stored the gun in the arsenal without a comment.
"As for the coming with us part." He closed the trunk and patted the roof of the car. "She has always a seat with your name on it waiting for you."
continue to chapter 35
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