Fic: Don't walk away in silence. [Chapter 4]
Title: Don't walk away in silence.
Author: lady_demolition
Rating: PG overall (maybe higher later but I don't know yet.) This chapter R! for language and a kind of sexual situation.
Summary: Kurt lost his trust in Blaine after he spilled that he might not be 100% gay.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this. I don't claim that any of this happened, it's all just a product of my imagination.
[Chapter 1]: ( "You just wouldn't get my hints even if they were neon coloured, dancing and singing "KURT REALLY LIKES YOU!"")
[Chapter 2]: ("I'm not giving this up because you're having a little crush on a straight guy like you always do.")
[Chapter 3]: ( "If love is blind... Why do I see you so clearly now?" )
The next day, Kurt still felt kind of sick and his dad tried to get him to stay at home another day but he was just way too giddy to wait any longer for talking to Blaine.
He had simply been amazed by him the night before and for once he slowly trusted him again.
Which didn't mean he wouldn't be careful this time.
Kurt was still a bit hurt and that wouldn't go away just like that, he had to be sure that Blaine really, REALLY meant it.
He didn't know much about relationships or love, all he knew was that his heart skipped a beat whenever he heard Blaine's voice or saw him and even when he only thought of him.
Kurt's breath would hitch, his chest would get tight, his heart would beat fast and strong, his stomach would go crazy and his mind would turn blank, leaving everything in a blur.
The feeling was indescribable, unfamiliar and Kurt knew that it was a very special feeling he had never discovered before meeting Blaine.
He sat on the kitchen table with his dad, eating breakfast, going through every possible conversation with Blaine, trying to push the bad ones aside, thinking about the nice, gentle ones.
But still, he thought to himself that he shouldn't keep his hopes that high.
He thought about how Blaine would trail his finger over his cheek, caressing the hot blushed skin, replacing his finger with a soft kiss, his eyes shining, sparkling, smiling at Kurt.
"Are you sure you don't have any fever any more Kurt?", his father interrupted his fantasy.
He looked up, shaking his head no.
"I just...you look pretty flushed."
"Do I?", Kurt said in horror.
"Yeah, your face is pretty flushed.", his dad repeated.
"Oh...well...no I don't have any fever but you know how my face always blushes right?", he let out an awkward laugh and Burt raised his eyebrow.
Kurt stood up.
"I've got to go now. See you later.", he put away his bowl, grabbed his jacket and bag and practically bailed.
"Ok son, see you. But if you don't feel well, you're coming back home okay?"
"Sure!", Kurt said, closing the door and rushing to Dalton's.
He entered the gate, his heart racing and he felt like he would faint as soon as Blaine would walk up to him.
And he nearly did.
When he was walking down the hallway, Blaine was already leaning against the wall as if he had waited for him.
"Hey.", he said shyly.
Kurt just smiled at him, trying to contain himself from blushing but like always, it didn't work.
"Uhm...we should probably go somewhere more...private.", Blaine suggested.
"Yeah...that would be better probably.", Kurt said, following Blaine.
Blaine held open the door to one of the numerous lounges, waiting for Kurt to enter, looking around to make sure nobody was following them.
He closed the door, locking it.
Kurt swallowed hard, his eyes wandering around awkwardly.
What the hell was he supposed to say?
He desperately hoped Blaine would start talking first, taking the lead.
"So...", he breathed.
"Are you ok? You look pretty tensed.", he said, glaring at Kurt.
"How could I not?...especially after yesterday."
"You're probably right.", Blaine said, laughing softly, running his hand through his dark hair.
"I want you to know that...I meant everything I said yesterday.", he started. "You really move me Kurt...whenever I'm with you I just feel so...changed. It's hard to explain, it's such an unique feeling.", he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair again. "I suck so bad at explaining myself. I'm sorry."
"Don't be.", Kurt said, smiling at the other boy. "But I still don't understand what made you change your mind so quickly...I mean...a few days ago you weren't even sure you were gay and now you tell me that you actually like me. I'm sorry but I don't really get it.", he confessed.
"I know this might seem strange but maybe...I had to remember how fast I could lose you and now that I know what it would mean to not have you around me anymore, I understood that...I really like you, a lot and...can I kiss you right now?", he asked pretty bluntly.
"I don't know Blaine...I don't want to play this hard-to-get-guy but I don't know if I want this just yet."
Blaine nodded. "I'm sorry.", he said, licking his full dry lips, watching Kurt's eyes follow the quick movement, knowing that Kurt actually wanted it as much as he did.
"I just really want to kiss you, because it would be the easiest way to show you how I feel about you...", he whispered.
Kurt closed his eyes, his eyebrows frowned, thinking.
It was such a bad idea.
He wasn't 100% sure yet and he most definitely wouldn't let Blaine use him, Kurt swore that to himself.
"Just a little peck.", Kurt thought to himself. "How bad could that be?"
"Fine.", he said finally.
Blaine grinned, moving up to Kurt, placing his hand in his neck, softly caressing the sensitive skin there, feeling the other boy getting goosebumps.
Kurt could feel Blaine's hot breath against his lips.
His heart skipped a beat, racing way too fast, pounding recklessly against his chest.
And finally, agonisingly slow, their lips met in a first, testing kiss.
They parted again, panting, eyes locked, slightly closed.
Their noses were touching, they breathed heavily into each other's mouths.
Blaine couldn't hold back anymore, pressing his soft lips onto Kurt's once more, licking along his bottom lip, begging for entrance.
Kurt knew he should pull back, shove Blaine off him, but it felt way too right.
He hesitated but finally opened his mouth, letting Blaine's tongue find its way inside.
Blaine nudged his carefully with the tip, trying to get Kurt to move it against him.
He sighed into Kurt's mouth when he slid his tongue back against his, hot and slick, fighting for dominance.
Blaine pushed Kurt into the wall behind him, hipbones touching.
Something else...touching.
Kurt flinched when he felt Blaine's erection stabbing into his thigh, pulling away.
He most definitely wasn't ready for THIS yet, regarding that he just experienced his first proper kiss.
"Stop.", he said breathlessly, pushing against the wall as if he could get through.
Blaine immediately let go of him, stepping away a bit.
"Why?", he asked, visibly confused.
"Because I'm not your little sextoy for whatever needs you have.", he spat, his eyes wandering down Blaine's body, burning with anger.
"I-I'm sorry Kurt but I wanted this for so long and...come on we are both teenage boys, you know how it goes.", Blaine stuttered.
"Of course I do...but at least I've got some composure when it's appropriate."
"Fuck!", Blaine turned around, quickly heading towards the big, heavy, wooden door, slowly turning the knob.
He tried to get a grip of himself before facing Kurt one more time.
"I'm really sorry I'm such a fuck-up...I always tend to want something or someone I can't have and screw up in just the right moment. I'm so tired of disappointing everyone and I don't seem to be able to do anything right but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry Kurt...I totally shouldn't have done that.", Kurt couldn't count the times Blaine apologised for his behaviour.
He could see tears glistening in the other boy's hazel eyes but he was too mad to say "It's ok." so he just let Blaine go.
When the door closed with a loud thumping sound he fell against the wall, his body slowly sliding down.
Kurt just sat there on the cold marble floor for a few minutes.
Alone.
Not able to think straight.
He didn't know whether he felt sorry for Blaine or if he was angry at him.
Why did he have to be so fucking confused all the time?
As much as he wanted to tell Blaine he wasn't a fuck-up and comfort him he just couldn't.
He had to focus, he had to know if Blaine was just playing him like a fool, trying to use him for meaningless sex and throwing him in the garbage like a broken doll the next day.
He just didn't know.
All he knew was that he had to catch his class or he would be in a lot more trouble.
On the other side he decided to go home due to his recurring stomachache, that made his whole body tremble with pain.
When he was finally at home he looked in the mirror, his skin was even paler and his eyes were bloodshot.
Kurt thought that going to bed and sleep forever like the sleeping beauty, until a knight in a shining armor would come by, staying forever and never ever disappointing him would, kissing him awake, was the best idea to have right now.
So he let himself fall onto his bed, pulling his blanket over his head.
"Here we go again.", he thought to himself before falling into an uneasy sleep.
Author: lady_demolition
Rating: PG overall (maybe higher later but I don't know yet.) This chapter R! for language and a kind of sexual situation.
Summary: Kurt lost his trust in Blaine after he spilled that he might not be 100% gay.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this. I don't claim that any of this happened, it's all just a product of my imagination.
[Chapter 1]: ( "You just wouldn't get my hints even if they were neon coloured, dancing and singing "KURT REALLY LIKES YOU!"")
[Chapter 2]: ("I'm not giving this up because you're having a little crush on a straight guy like you always do.")
[Chapter 3]: ( "If love is blind... Why do I see you so clearly now?" )
The next day, Kurt still felt kind of sick and his dad tried to get him to stay at home another day but he was just way too giddy to wait any longer for talking to Blaine.
He had simply been amazed by him the night before and for once he slowly trusted him again.
Which didn't mean he wouldn't be careful this time.
Kurt was still a bit hurt and that wouldn't go away just like that, he had to be sure that Blaine really, REALLY meant it.
He didn't know much about relationships or love, all he knew was that his heart skipped a beat whenever he heard Blaine's voice or saw him and even when he only thought of him.
Kurt's breath would hitch, his chest would get tight, his heart would beat fast and strong, his stomach would go crazy and his mind would turn blank, leaving everything in a blur.
The feeling was indescribable, unfamiliar and Kurt knew that it was a very special feeling he had never discovered before meeting Blaine.
He sat on the kitchen table with his dad, eating breakfast, going through every possible conversation with Blaine, trying to push the bad ones aside, thinking about the nice, gentle ones.
But still, he thought to himself that he shouldn't keep his hopes that high.
He thought about how Blaine would trail his finger over his cheek, caressing the hot blushed skin, replacing his finger with a soft kiss, his eyes shining, sparkling, smiling at Kurt.
"Are you sure you don't have any fever any more Kurt?", his father interrupted his fantasy.
He looked up, shaking his head no.
"I just...you look pretty flushed."
"Do I?", Kurt said in horror.
"Yeah, your face is pretty flushed.", his dad repeated.
"Oh...well...no I don't have any fever but you know how my face always blushes right?", he let out an awkward laugh and Burt raised his eyebrow.
Kurt stood up.
"I've got to go now. See you later.", he put away his bowl, grabbed his jacket and bag and practically bailed.
"Ok son, see you. But if you don't feel well, you're coming back home okay?"
"Sure!", Kurt said, closing the door and rushing to Dalton's.
He entered the gate, his heart racing and he felt like he would faint as soon as Blaine would walk up to him.
And he nearly did.
When he was walking down the hallway, Blaine was already leaning against the wall as if he had waited for him.
"Hey.", he said shyly.
Kurt just smiled at him, trying to contain himself from blushing but like always, it didn't work.
"Uhm...we should probably go somewhere more...private.", Blaine suggested.
"Yeah...that would be better probably.", Kurt said, following Blaine.
Blaine held open the door to one of the numerous lounges, waiting for Kurt to enter, looking around to make sure nobody was following them.
He closed the door, locking it.
Kurt swallowed hard, his eyes wandering around awkwardly.
What the hell was he supposed to say?
He desperately hoped Blaine would start talking first, taking the lead.
"So...", he breathed.
"Are you ok? You look pretty tensed.", he said, glaring at Kurt.
"How could I not?...especially after yesterday."
"You're probably right.", Blaine said, laughing softly, running his hand through his dark hair.
"I want you to know that...I meant everything I said yesterday.", he started. "You really move me Kurt...whenever I'm with you I just feel so...changed. It's hard to explain, it's such an unique feeling.", he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair again. "I suck so bad at explaining myself. I'm sorry."
"Don't be.", Kurt said, smiling at the other boy. "But I still don't understand what made you change your mind so quickly...I mean...a few days ago you weren't even sure you were gay and now you tell me that you actually like me. I'm sorry but I don't really get it.", he confessed.
"I know this might seem strange but maybe...I had to remember how fast I could lose you and now that I know what it would mean to not have you around me anymore, I understood that...I really like you, a lot and...can I kiss you right now?", he asked pretty bluntly.
"I don't know Blaine...I don't want to play this hard-to-get-guy but I don't know if I want this just yet."
Blaine nodded. "I'm sorry.", he said, licking his full dry lips, watching Kurt's eyes follow the quick movement, knowing that Kurt actually wanted it as much as he did.
"I just really want to kiss you, because it would be the easiest way to show you how I feel about you...", he whispered.
Kurt closed his eyes, his eyebrows frowned, thinking.
It was such a bad idea.
He wasn't 100% sure yet and he most definitely wouldn't let Blaine use him, Kurt swore that to himself.
"Just a little peck.", Kurt thought to himself. "How bad could that be?"
"Fine.", he said finally.
Blaine grinned, moving up to Kurt, placing his hand in his neck, softly caressing the sensitive skin there, feeling the other boy getting goosebumps.
Kurt could feel Blaine's hot breath against his lips.
His heart skipped a beat, racing way too fast, pounding recklessly against his chest.
And finally, agonisingly slow, their lips met in a first, testing kiss.
They parted again, panting, eyes locked, slightly closed.
Their noses were touching, they breathed heavily into each other's mouths.
Blaine couldn't hold back anymore, pressing his soft lips onto Kurt's once more, licking along his bottom lip, begging for entrance.
Kurt knew he should pull back, shove Blaine off him, but it felt way too right.
He hesitated but finally opened his mouth, letting Blaine's tongue find its way inside.
Blaine nudged his carefully with the tip, trying to get Kurt to move it against him.
He sighed into Kurt's mouth when he slid his tongue back against his, hot and slick, fighting for dominance.
Blaine pushed Kurt into the wall behind him, hipbones touching.
Something else...touching.
Kurt flinched when he felt Blaine's erection stabbing into his thigh, pulling away.
He most definitely wasn't ready for THIS yet, regarding that he just experienced his first proper kiss.
"Stop.", he said breathlessly, pushing against the wall as if he could get through.
Blaine immediately let go of him, stepping away a bit.
"Why?", he asked, visibly confused.
"Because I'm not your little sextoy for whatever needs you have.", he spat, his eyes wandering down Blaine's body, burning with anger.
"I-I'm sorry Kurt but I wanted this for so long and...come on we are both teenage boys, you know how it goes.", Blaine stuttered.
"Of course I do...but at least I've got some composure when it's appropriate."
"Fuck!", Blaine turned around, quickly heading towards the big, heavy, wooden door, slowly turning the knob.
He tried to get a grip of himself before facing Kurt one more time.
"I'm really sorry I'm such a fuck-up...I always tend to want something or someone I can't have and screw up in just the right moment. I'm so tired of disappointing everyone and I don't seem to be able to do anything right but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry Kurt...I totally shouldn't have done that.", Kurt couldn't count the times Blaine apologised for his behaviour.
He could see tears glistening in the other boy's hazel eyes but he was too mad to say "It's ok." so he just let Blaine go.
When the door closed with a loud thumping sound he fell against the wall, his body slowly sliding down.
Kurt just sat there on the cold marble floor for a few minutes.
Alone.
Not able to think straight.
He didn't know whether he felt sorry for Blaine or if he was angry at him.
Why did he have to be so fucking confused all the time?
As much as he wanted to tell Blaine he wasn't a fuck-up and comfort him he just couldn't.
He had to focus, he had to know if Blaine was just playing him like a fool, trying to use him for meaningless sex and throwing him in the garbage like a broken doll the next day.
He just didn't know.
All he knew was that he had to catch his class or he would be in a lot more trouble.
On the other side he decided to go home due to his recurring stomachache, that made his whole body tremble with pain.
When he was finally at home he looked in the mirror, his skin was even paler and his eyes were bloodshot.
Kurt thought that going to bed and sleep forever like the sleeping beauty, until a knight in a shining armor would come by, staying forever and never ever disappointing him would, kissing him awake, was the best idea to have right now.
So he let himself fall onto his bed, pulling his blanket over his head.
"Here we go again.", he thought to himself before falling into an uneasy sleep.