A Meaningful Discussion
Title: A Meaningful Discussion
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: Kirk, McCoy
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love 'em
Summary: Written for eliteofthefleet Writing Assignment #4. Two rather senior Starfleet officers have a deep and meaningful discussion on a long journey to the outer reaches of the galaxy...
Tap tap tap...
Tap tap tap...
Tap ta...
“Can you please stop doing that!”
“Huh?”
“Stop doing that, please.”
“...Doing what?”
“That tappy tap noise.”
“Tappy tap noise. Okay, that’s a negative on the tappy tappity tap tappy noise.”
“Look, don’t get facetious. I just asked - very politely I might add - that you not make that extremely agonising, horrifying, irritating noise.”
“Oh well, look who’s being facetious now!”
“I’m not being facetious. I’m being rude.”
“Well stop being rude then!”
“Only if you stop making that noise!”
“I HAVE stopped!”
...
“Fine.”
“Fine!”
“Oh well that’s original.”
“You said it first!”
“And then you copied me, so who’s worse?”
“God, what are you - four?”
“Another original zinger of a line there.”
“Oh get stuffed.”
“Get stuffed yourself!”
“Oh well THAT’S original!”
“Just shut up and stop talking.”
“What, shut up AND stop talking? You don’t think that’s a slight case of overkill? I mean, if I shut up, I consequently stop talking, logically.”
“I was just reinforcing the point. Wouldn’t want you to miss it while your mouth was running.”
“Well I have always been known as a great orator.”
“Huh, you’re known as a great fellator maybe.”
“There’s no maybe about it, old man.”
“Only you could be proud of such a dubious honour. And who are you calling old anyway? I’m in my prime!”
“Heh, for an elephant maybe.”
“Are you calling me fat now as well as old?!”
“You’re so obsessed with looks aren’t you?! I think it’s sad.”
“Coming from the only man I know onboard that has a full length dress mirror and a cabinet full of moisturiser and hairstyling products...”
“That’s a low blow.”
“What, and calling me an elephant wasn’t?”
“I didn’t call you an elephant; I compared you to an elephant. S’a totally different thing.”
“You’re splitting hairs.”
“Well if you ask me nicely you can use my hair products to fix them, can’t you.”
“You’re being facetious again.”
“You’re being an ass hat again. And anyway, maybe you’re mistaking my natural charm and wittiness for facetiousness.”
“Maybe you’re a prat.”
“Taking the mature route I see.”
“Well I told you I wasn’t old.”
“Fine. You’re not old.”
“Thank you.”
“Just crotchety.”
“One more remark like that and this argument’s going to stop being verbal and start being painful!”
“Oh no no, I don’t think so. I could never stoop to beating up an old man.”
“Right! That’s IT!”
Slap!
“OWWWWW!... Did... did you just bitch slap me?”
“...Maybe.”
“I can’t believe you just bitch slapped me! Who taught you to fight? Buddhists?!”
“Nooo... I just don’t need to resort to violence as often as you do, so I’ve not had as much prac...”
Slap!
“...You just slapped me back!”
“Yup.”
“Do you want your arms pulled off?”
“Huh. You wouldn’t dare.”
“Oh yeah?
“Yeah. I dare you to try.”
“Oh you dare me?”
“I dare you - go on.”
“I will then.”
“Then do it!”
“I’m going to! Just... gimme a sec.”
“Sure thing, Mr. Deep Fried Chicken Man.”
“Very funny, hotshot.”
“I’m still waiting...”
“Will Doctor McCoy please report to Sickbay for the pre-mission checks, Doctor McCoy to Sickbay.”
‘Well, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer, little man.”
“Packing it in are you? You know that means I win by default.”
“You win? Win what?”
“Our argument slash fight.”
“Oh no. No no no no no, we’re just postponing it. We can settle this later.”
“Uh uh. Later we have to pretend to be professional and mature. It’s now or never.”
“Doctor McCoy to Sickbay please.”
Fine. FINE! You win. Happy now?”
“Supremely so.”
“Little git.”
“Victorious little git, I think you mean.”
“Commander Spock to Captain Kirk, your presence is requested on the Bridge.”
“Go on, your boyfriend’s calling you.”
“Argh! Don’t call him that!... I really don’t want him to strangle me again.”
“No come to that, neither do I. Knowing my luck I’ll be the one that has to come and resuscitate you.”
“Are you kidding? That’s a job most people would kill for!”
“Well not me, Jim. Now, we’ve spent three months travelling out to the edge of the galaxy for this mission and I'm thoroughly sick of the sight of you. Go and do what you do and I’ll wait here until you inevitably hurt yourself trying to pole vault a force field or French kiss a member of the royal family. Then I’ll stab you multiple times with a hypospray and tell you off and you’ll be sorry and slightly embarrassed everything will be back to normal, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan Bones.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
...
“... I still won you know.”
“Jim...”
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: Kirk, McCoy
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love 'em
Summary: Written for eliteofthefleet Writing Assignment #4. Two rather senior Starfleet officers have a deep and meaningful discussion on a long journey to the outer reaches of the galaxy...
Tap tap tap...
Tap tap tap...
Tap ta...
“Can you please stop doing that!”
“Huh?”
“Stop doing that, please.”
“...Doing what?”
“That tappy tap noise.”
“Tappy tap noise. Okay, that’s a negative on the tappy tappity tap tappy noise.”
“Look, don’t get facetious. I just asked - very politely I might add - that you not make that extremely agonising, horrifying, irritating noise.”
“Oh well, look who’s being facetious now!”
“I’m not being facetious. I’m being rude.”
“Well stop being rude then!”
“Only if you stop making that noise!”
“I HAVE stopped!”
...
“Fine.”
“Fine!”
“Oh well that’s original.”
“You said it first!”
“And then you copied me, so who’s worse?”
“God, what are you - four?”
“Another original zinger of a line there.”
“Oh get stuffed.”
“Get stuffed yourself!”
“Oh well THAT’S original!”
“Just shut up and stop talking.”
“What, shut up AND stop talking? You don’t think that’s a slight case of overkill? I mean, if I shut up, I consequently stop talking, logically.”
“I was just reinforcing the point. Wouldn’t want you to miss it while your mouth was running.”
“Well I have always been known as a great orator.”
“Huh, you’re known as a great fellator maybe.”
“There’s no maybe about it, old man.”
“Only you could be proud of such a dubious honour. And who are you calling old anyway? I’m in my prime!”
“Heh, for an elephant maybe.”
“Are you calling me fat now as well as old?!”
“You’re so obsessed with looks aren’t you?! I think it’s sad.”
“Coming from the only man I know onboard that has a full length dress mirror and a cabinet full of moisturiser and hairstyling products...”
“That’s a low blow.”
“What, and calling me an elephant wasn’t?”
“I didn’t call you an elephant; I compared you to an elephant. S’a totally different thing.”
“You’re splitting hairs.”
“Well if you ask me nicely you can use my hair products to fix them, can’t you.”
“You’re being facetious again.”
“You’re being an ass hat again. And anyway, maybe you’re mistaking my natural charm and wittiness for facetiousness.”
“Maybe you’re a prat.”
“Taking the mature route I see.”
“Well I told you I wasn’t old.”
“Fine. You’re not old.”
“Thank you.”
“Just crotchety.”
“One more remark like that and this argument’s going to stop being verbal and start being painful!”
“Oh no no, I don’t think so. I could never stoop to beating up an old man.”
“Right! That’s IT!”
Slap!
“OWWWWW!... Did... did you just bitch slap me?”
“...Maybe.”
“I can’t believe you just bitch slapped me! Who taught you to fight? Buddhists?!”
“Nooo... I just don’t need to resort to violence as often as you do, so I’ve not had as much prac...”
Slap!
“...You just slapped me back!”
“Yup.”
“Do you want your arms pulled off?”
“Huh. You wouldn’t dare.”
“Oh yeah?
“Yeah. I dare you to try.”
“Oh you dare me?”
“I dare you - go on.”
“I will then.”
“Then do it!”
“I’m going to! Just... gimme a sec.”
“Sure thing, Mr. Deep Fried Chicken Man.”
“Very funny, hotshot.”
“I’m still waiting...”
“Will Doctor McCoy please report to Sickbay for the pre-mission checks, Doctor McCoy to Sickbay.”
‘Well, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer, little man.”
“Packing it in are you? You know that means I win by default.”
“You win? Win what?”
“Our argument slash fight.”
“Oh no. No no no no no, we’re just postponing it. We can settle this later.”
“Uh uh. Later we have to pretend to be professional and mature. It’s now or never.”
“Doctor McCoy to Sickbay please.”
Fine. FINE! You win. Happy now?”
“Supremely so.”
“Little git.”
“Victorious little git, I think you mean.”
“Commander Spock to Captain Kirk, your presence is requested on the Bridge.”
“Go on, your boyfriend’s calling you.”
“Argh! Don’t call him that!... I really don’t want him to strangle me again.”
“No come to that, neither do I. Knowing my luck I’ll be the one that has to come and resuscitate you.”
“Are you kidding? That’s a job most people would kill for!”
“Well not me, Jim. Now, we’ve spent three months travelling out to the edge of the galaxy for this mission and I'm thoroughly sick of the sight of you. Go and do what you do and I’ll wait here until you inevitably hurt yourself trying to pole vault a force field or French kiss a member of the royal family. Then I’ll stab you multiple times with a hypospray and tell you off and you’ll be sorry and slightly embarrassed everything will be back to normal, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan Bones.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
...
“... I still won you know.”
“Jim...”