hate
dude jill's bday is tuesday. i better do something about that. she is my bff after all, so her being a bitch shouldnt rule out observation of her bday.
anyway. dave, keep your damn comments to yourself next time we hang out, i know you arent gonna like this.
i hate that i miss him. its a double edged sword. i miss him and it hurts, then i get mad at myself for missing him, then it hurts more. time will heal, i know it will. i got over chris, i got over eric. and i got over ty, which was the killer. man, that one was harsh. i cried for like 4 months. dave used to have to play me to sleep with his guitar. i remember after ty and i broke up i didnt eat for 7 days. anyway.
so now it just hurts, and its such an empty feeling but at the same time im just resolved to it. i know that i put in effort time and time and time, and i was rewardded with lame texts and fights for it. i know that i have to walk away. and i am. it just hurts. its like an addiction. there was this one night that i was watching intervention and it was about this horrible anorexic chick that was awful to her family, and the mom on the show said "she needs to get away from her ex. its like they are addicted to each other and the relationship is poisonous and as long as they are together neither of them will improve". yeah, that hit me hard.
so now its a waiting game. i know that he will never reach the level of normalcy that i need to feel safe and happy. so now i just have to be patient and know that people that do those kinds of things always move on, quickly, and i just have to keep telling myself that what i got, she will get worse. :::smiles::: that sort of makes me feel better. i hope she doesnt have kids. the next phase of anger could be worse. and yes that is me just speculating, but hey.
i know that there is someone out there for me. there is someone that will be there for me and call me on it when i am being a witch or stupid or petty. there is someone out there that will be good and kind to me and wont hurt me, and wont insult me by sending horrible messages whenever i am out with friends or family. He's out there, and i know that i dont have to settle, or rush anything. i and my kids are worth more than that.
and who knows, i might just get lucky. seven. :::cheshire:::
anyway. dave, keep your damn comments to yourself next time we hang out, i know you arent gonna like this.
i hate that i miss him. its a double edged sword. i miss him and it hurts, then i get mad at myself for missing him, then it hurts more. time will heal, i know it will. i got over chris, i got over eric. and i got over ty, which was the killer. man, that one was harsh. i cried for like 4 months. dave used to have to play me to sleep with his guitar. i remember after ty and i broke up i didnt eat for 7 days. anyway.
so now it just hurts, and its such an empty feeling but at the same time im just resolved to it. i know that i put in effort time and time and time, and i was rewardded with lame texts and fights for it. i know that i have to walk away. and i am. it just hurts. its like an addiction. there was this one night that i was watching intervention and it was about this horrible anorexic chick that was awful to her family, and the mom on the show said "she needs to get away from her ex. its like they are addicted to each other and the relationship is poisonous and as long as they are together neither of them will improve". yeah, that hit me hard.
so now its a waiting game. i know that he will never reach the level of normalcy that i need to feel safe and happy. so now i just have to be patient and know that people that do those kinds of things always move on, quickly, and i just have to keep telling myself that what i got, she will get worse. :::smiles::: that sort of makes me feel better. i hope she doesnt have kids. the next phase of anger could be worse. and yes that is me just speculating, but hey.
i know that there is someone out there for me. there is someone that will be there for me and call me on it when i am being a witch or stupid or petty. there is someone out there that will be good and kind to me and wont hurt me, and wont insult me by sending horrible messages whenever i am out with friends or family. He's out there, and i know that i dont have to settle, or rush anything. i and my kids are worth more than that.
and who knows, i might just get lucky. seven. :::cheshire:::