Team Diarrhea
I am a proud member of “Team Diarrhea” at the Minnesota Department of Health and I’m pleased that we’re getting the publicity we have been the last couple of days after contributing significantly to the investigation involving Salmonella Saintpaul and its role in gastrointestinal illness this summer.
This morning’s Twin Cities Star Tribune newspaper featured the columnist James Lileks and his article “Get Your Mind Out of the Toilet! It’s Science!” It provided some levity to the whole Salmonella situation and its effects on the human body. Here are some excerpts for those of you who don’t want to read the whole article.
This is an indelicate matter, and probably not fit for the breakfast table. Then again, I’m quoting the paper, which we read Thursday morn at the breakfast table: “‘Team Diarrhea’ helped state crack salmonella case.”
Good morning! More Cocoa Puffs?
Said the article: “A gee-whiz state lab, investigators dubbed ‘Team Diarrhea’ and a unique approach to sleuthing illness contributed to the breakthrough.” They discovered it was jalapenos that caused the recent salmonella outbreak - and yes, I know, you wonder how they control for such an experiment…
…The reason I bring this up - aside from the general lack of amusing news in this nervous, worried summer - is the name of the group that tracked the bug: TEAM DIARRHEA. It was just an odd thing to see in a newspaper headline. It’s one of those moments when you know the culture has shifted a bit. My child was stunned to see that word in the headline - they said diarrhea? In the paper? Team Diarrhea?
If you have a Pokemon enthusiast in the house, you’ll never look at Team Rocket’s signature exit line the same way.
Perhaps you had the same reaction, and had a momentary pang of regret over the decline of prudish euphemisms…
We oughtn’t go back to the days when simple human functions were shrouded with shame and obfuscating allusions, but you really wish Team D could have come up with another name, if only because it’s a bit jarring, and will inevitably end up on T-shirts worn en masse at the State Fair. Suggestions for alternate names:
The Gut-Grip Group
The Montezuma Mounties
The Trots Troop
The Kaopectate Korps
The Pepto Patrol
That might make for better PR. While we’re at it, does Team D need any cheers to shout from the sidelines while they’re hard at work? Give me an E! Give me a C! Give me an O! Give me an L! Give me an I!
What does it spell? A diverse group of bacteria, some of which are pathogenetic! YAAAAY!
I’d be happy to cheer them on, but let’s not get too enthusiastic. One more breakthrough like this, and they’ll be asking for a stadium…
All I can add to this is that we’ll never get a stadium for our efforts. Governor Tim Pawlenty would never approve the cost. Due to Governor Timmy’s budget cuts, we don’t even have the same staffing to accomplish our tasks as we did a year ago. We’re doing more with less - and still doing it admirably, I may add.
By the way, I give my vote for “Montezuma’s Mounties.” I think it has a nice ring to it.