why are people such FUCKERS? and why am i so stupid....
gah im SO ANGRY right now. Plus I can't see straight and i'm all dizzy and tired and I want food [and no im fuckin NOT on drugs bitch]
I need to drink and go out less. I KNOW I only went out twice this week, but both times I felt like SHIT the next day, cos I cannot sleep right now, and Im still feeling like crap now. and I have an essay to do for this afternoon.
I just feel so.... blah rigt now. about EVERYTHING. I dont fucking have any clue what im doing or where im gong, and everyone seems to think theyn can run my life better then I can [which could be true actually] kat and katee want me to stay here next year. My parents and freidn back home want me to trnasfer there. I DONT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT I WANT.
I wish I was a little kid again, cos then I wouldnt have to deal with this. I always thought life would be so easy, and up till now it hasn't been too bad.l But right now everything feels so fuvked up and I dont know why. It could be worse - im not failing any of my classes, I have money in the bank and friends that Im love, and who love me back. But I just feel like there's somwething missing. I guess what I mean is [as stupuid and pathetic as this sounds] I want a boy too. I just want someone who makes me feel like I AM good enough. someone I can tell anything and who just.... gets it. Im so jealous of all my freinds, and I feel terrible about it.
and whats even worse is sam saying how on saturday night it looked like I was flirting with Hutchi hardcore. So now im wondering is secretly deep inside I do have feeligns for him? but I mean I dont thats stupid. I like drinking with him, he's fun and he likes good music and I feel SAFE. Cos I know that he'll protect me from gross guys hitting on me, and I know that he knows that we're friends. Juts friends, so he's never get the wrong Idea or antyhing. But god fucking damn why would she SAY that? she knows its CRAP.
I just feel like everythings gone to shit and I cant fucking fix it. And drinking? yeah it helps. For all of a few hours. Then I wake up the next day, gorge on junk food and feel even worse.
Im sorry im whoring out everyones freinds pages with this shit
im sorry its so boring and lame and pathetic
im sorry IM boreing and lame and apthetic
im sorry I desperatly like a guy I can NEVER have [emo hair boy <3]
im sorry I never have the answers anymore
im sorry I can't be what everyone wants me to be
im sorry I feel so lost and alone all the time
im sorry im poor and can't afford to buy all the CDs/like all the good bands you do
im sorry I dont have cool hair and awsome makeup
im FUCKING SORRY that im not really fucking sorry, im apathetic cos I JUST DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE.
I need to drink and go out less. I KNOW I only went out twice this week, but both times I felt like SHIT the next day, cos I cannot sleep right now, and Im still feeling like crap now. and I have an essay to do for this afternoon.
I just feel so.... blah rigt now. about EVERYTHING. I dont fucking have any clue what im doing or where im gong, and everyone seems to think theyn can run my life better then I can [which could be true actually] kat and katee want me to stay here next year. My parents and freidn back home want me to trnasfer there. I DONT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT I WANT.
I wish I was a little kid again, cos then I wouldnt have to deal with this. I always thought life would be so easy, and up till now it hasn't been too bad.l But right now everything feels so fuvked up and I dont know why. It could be worse - im not failing any of my classes, I have money in the bank and friends that Im love, and who love me back. But I just feel like there's somwething missing. I guess what I mean is [as stupuid and pathetic as this sounds] I want a boy too. I just want someone who makes me feel like I AM good enough. someone I can tell anything and who just.... gets it. Im so jealous of all my freinds, and I feel terrible about it.
and whats even worse is sam saying how on saturday night it looked like I was flirting with Hutchi hardcore. So now im wondering is secretly deep inside I do have feeligns for him? but I mean I dont thats stupid. I like drinking with him, he's fun and he likes good music and I feel SAFE. Cos I know that he'll protect me from gross guys hitting on me, and I know that he knows that we're friends. Juts friends, so he's never get the wrong Idea or antyhing. But god fucking damn why would she SAY that? she knows its CRAP.
I just feel like everythings gone to shit and I cant fucking fix it. And drinking? yeah it helps. For all of a few hours. Then I wake up the next day, gorge on junk food and feel even worse.
Im sorry im whoring out everyones freinds pages with this shit
im sorry its so boring and lame and pathetic
im sorry IM boreing and lame and apthetic
im sorry I desperatly like a guy I can NEVER have [emo hair boy <3]
im sorry I never have the answers anymore
im sorry I can't be what everyone wants me to be
im sorry I feel so lost and alone all the time
im sorry im poor and can't afford to buy all the CDs/like all the good bands you do
im sorry I dont have cool hair and awsome makeup
im FUCKING SORRY that im not really fucking sorry, im apathetic cos I JUST DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE.