My first fic
So, gryphonrhi recieved a piece of spam with the following subject line, and wondered how that string of words could be made relevant to Viagra (what the e-mail was actually shilling).
armadillo modulate consternate delmarva second accusative paprika debut librettist pius system malabar equilibrate arthur nova nottingham cocksure gallows warmhearted levin denude archbishop wisdom
Once upon a time there was an armadillo. Now, this armadillo was a sad armadillo, because he was having a hard time pleasing the ladies, if you know what I mean. One day, the armadillo became so upset at his predicament, that he screamed to the heavens, "WHY CAN'T I GET IT UP?!?!?" And a voice from the heavens responded, saying, "Do modulate your voice, please. We're trying to get some work done up here."
Now, the armadillo was quite consternated to actually have gotten a reply, and so he prayed, "Oh, Great Delmarva, I am so sorry to bother you a second time, and I did not mean to be at all accusative before. However, I could really use some help here giving my paprika some dash."
And the voice responded, "Go thou to the debut of the librettist Pius' new opera. Once thou hast gained an understanding of his system, thou shalt not need to bother us again. And please don't. We were serous about trying to get some work done."
So, the armadillo travelled to the city of Malomar, hoping Pius could help him equilibrate his desires with his physical responses. And Arthur, for that was the armadillo's name, was so lighthearted, he found himself dancing the bossa nova as entered the city gates.
However, unbeknowst to Arthur, just as a butterfly flapping his wings can cause a tornado in Indonesia, his dancing those particular steps at that particular time caused the Sheriff of Nottingham in far-away Sherwood Forest to fall off his horse, allowing the cocksure Robin to escape the gallows once again. But I digress...
So, Arthur made his way to the theater where Pius' opera was being performed. After the final curtain call, Arthur went backstage and introduced himself to Pius, who greeted the armadillo in a warmhearted manner and listened to his sad tale.
"So, what is your system?" Arthur concluded.
"Well," said Pius, "I'm afraid I cannot tell you, for fear of getting struck by levin. However, I know who can give me dispensation to end your misery. Let's go."
And so Pius and Arthur set off, pausing only long enough for Pius to denude the coat rack of his coat, hat, and scarf, for it was cold outside, and unlike Arthur the Armadillo, Pius needed protection to stay warm.
Finally, the two new friends found themselves in the presence the Archbishop. "Your Grace, may I share the wisdom that was given to me with this poor armadillo?" Pius asked.
"But of course," the Archbishop replied. "I can see that this worthy armadillo is on a quest set by the Great Delmarva. Answer his plea, with all due haste."
"Well," said Pius, turning to Arthur. "The secret to pleasing the ladies, is all in the little blue pill."
The End
I'm trying not to think too hard about the fact that my very first fic was about spam.
armadillo modulate consternate delmarva second accusative paprika debut librettist pius system malabar equilibrate arthur nova nottingham cocksure gallows warmhearted levin denude archbishop wisdom
Once upon a time there was an armadillo. Now, this armadillo was a sad armadillo, because he was having a hard time pleasing the ladies, if you know what I mean. One day, the armadillo became so upset at his predicament, that he screamed to the heavens, "WHY CAN'T I GET IT UP?!?!?" And a voice from the heavens responded, saying, "Do modulate your voice, please. We're trying to get some work done up here."
Now, the armadillo was quite consternated to actually have gotten a reply, and so he prayed, "Oh, Great Delmarva, I am so sorry to bother you a second time, and I did not mean to be at all accusative before. However, I could really use some help here giving my paprika some dash."
And the voice responded, "Go thou to the debut of the librettist Pius' new opera. Once thou hast gained an understanding of his system, thou shalt not need to bother us again. And please don't. We were serous about trying to get some work done."
So, the armadillo travelled to the city of Malomar, hoping Pius could help him equilibrate his desires with his physical responses. And Arthur, for that was the armadillo's name, was so lighthearted, he found himself dancing the bossa nova as entered the city gates.
However, unbeknowst to Arthur, just as a butterfly flapping his wings can cause a tornado in Indonesia, his dancing those particular steps at that particular time caused the Sheriff of Nottingham in far-away Sherwood Forest to fall off his horse, allowing the cocksure Robin to escape the gallows once again. But I digress...
So, Arthur made his way to the theater where Pius' opera was being performed. After the final curtain call, Arthur went backstage and introduced himself to Pius, who greeted the armadillo in a warmhearted manner and listened to his sad tale.
"So, what is your system?" Arthur concluded.
"Well," said Pius, "I'm afraid I cannot tell you, for fear of getting struck by levin. However, I know who can give me dispensation to end your misery. Let's go."
And so Pius and Arthur set off, pausing only long enough for Pius to denude the coat rack of his coat, hat, and scarf, for it was cold outside, and unlike Arthur the Armadillo, Pius needed protection to stay warm.
Finally, the two new friends found themselves in the presence the Archbishop. "Your Grace, may I share the wisdom that was given to me with this poor armadillo?" Pius asked.
"But of course," the Archbishop replied. "I can see that this worthy armadillo is on a quest set by the Great Delmarva. Answer his plea, with all due haste."
"Well," said Pius, turning to Arthur. "The secret to pleasing the ladies, is all in the little blue pill."
The End
I'm trying not to think too hard about the fact that my very first fic was about spam.