Greenwood Cemetery, New York; February 2011 - Haunted
It's cold here. The wind blows through the trees, causing icy branches to crackle against one another. My feet crunch on frozen snow as I pass through the final resting place of so many - of Basquiat and Bernstein and Tweed and of others long since forgotten. The blank stares of angels and saints carved from stone follow me. It seems like ages since I was last here and their eyes burn with accusation.
The man I seek isn't buried here. But if he were to rest anywhere, this would be the place.
•••
Show yourself, then, you overgrown bastard.
Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? To torment me from somewhere in the great beyond with your little pranks? To watch me sell my soul for nothing? To laugh while apparitions of you appear on every side? Is this funny to you?
Coward. Look me in the eye and say you loved me and then hide behind death while you get your revenge. Isn't it enough that he left me just like you said he would? That I've lost Kato and the girls? That I've gone mad? That I'm alone? But no, that wouldn't be enough for you. You were never satisfied with pain you didn't inflict yourself. So you watched me cry for you one more time and you swore your regret, knowing all the while it was lies. I bet you could barely keep the smile from your face.
But why? I never meant you any harm. It was you who left me every time. Did you just miss the amusement of breaking my heart? Is Hell really that dull? Surely the Devil must have work for someone like you. You're skilled enough in how to hurt.
Maybe you never really left. Maybe every step I have taken since the night you died has been haunted, and all my connections doomed to fall apart since then. Maybe you've been punishing me since the second your ashes hit the floor.
Have it your way, then. Send your nightmares. Send your contemporaries and your clones. Send every rotted set of fangs with your voice or your name to lurk in the corners and remind me of you. Do your worst - but know that it won't matter. You can't break what's already shattered. Your Rebecca is long gone, and the shell left behind isn't worth your tinkering. The best you can hope for is to drive me even further into madness and isolation than I already am. All to punish me for existing while you didn't want me.
I believed you. You told me you regretted your choices and I looked into those awful eyes of yours and I believed you. And for a moment I remembered who I was. For a moment I believed again. Did you give that to me just to take it away? I wanted to help Bastion to help you; why keep tormenting me this way? What did I do that was so wrong? What the hell do you want from me?
I know you won't answer. You're either not listening or just having too much fun. But if you can hear me, know that if we meet again I won't believe your lies. You've fooled me for the last time.
The man I seek isn't buried here. But if he were to rest anywhere, this would be the place.
•••
Show yourself, then, you overgrown bastard.
Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? To torment me from somewhere in the great beyond with your little pranks? To watch me sell my soul for nothing? To laugh while apparitions of you appear on every side? Is this funny to you?
Coward. Look me in the eye and say you loved me and then hide behind death while you get your revenge. Isn't it enough that he left me just like you said he would? That I've lost Kato and the girls? That I've gone mad? That I'm alone? But no, that wouldn't be enough for you. You were never satisfied with pain you didn't inflict yourself. So you watched me cry for you one more time and you swore your regret, knowing all the while it was lies. I bet you could barely keep the smile from your face.
But why? I never meant you any harm. It was you who left me every time. Did you just miss the amusement of breaking my heart? Is Hell really that dull? Surely the Devil must have work for someone like you. You're skilled enough in how to hurt.
Maybe you never really left. Maybe every step I have taken since the night you died has been haunted, and all my connections doomed to fall apart since then. Maybe you've been punishing me since the second your ashes hit the floor.
Have it your way, then. Send your nightmares. Send your contemporaries and your clones. Send every rotted set of fangs with your voice or your name to lurk in the corners and remind me of you. Do your worst - but know that it won't matter. You can't break what's already shattered. Your Rebecca is long gone, and the shell left behind isn't worth your tinkering. The best you can hope for is to drive me even further into madness and isolation than I already am. All to punish me for existing while you didn't want me.
I believed you. You told me you regretted your choices and I looked into those awful eyes of yours and I believed you. And for a moment I remembered who I was. For a moment I believed again. Did you give that to me just to take it away? I wanted to help Bastion to help you; why keep tormenting me this way? What did I do that was so wrong? What the hell do you want from me?
I know you won't answer. You're either not listening or just having too much fun. But if you can hear me, know that if we meet again I won't believe your lies. You've fooled me for the last time.
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