(no subject)
old habits die hard.
which is why part of me still wants to write some of my thoughts down here.
even if i know that everyone and their mother is reading it. but i guess there are times when i need to be me and just let it all out and not worry what everyone else thinks. because when it all comes down to it, that is one of my basic principles. being happy in my skin. and it's a process, it always has been.
lately it's also been a process of getting rid of excess baggage, dispensable people and thoughts. what or with whom can i do without? what or whom can make my life more meaningful?
i need to take care of myself and heal and learn to trust a select few. and i know there's so much i'm doing wrong but what i need most is comfort and i stick by the people i know will provide me with that. lisa, justin, matt, caitlin. one of those doesn't exactly belong but it's something i can't explain. everytime i try to leave, something makes me turn around and stay. baby, he's crazy.
it's not me, i know that and i'm a different person than i was before and don't try to tell me how things were because i was there too. i was there too. believe what you want to believe. besides, there are two sides to every story.
nobody would believe what i have to say.
the one that left me with so many questions unanswered and so many of my emotions in limbo (yes, i really am talking about you this time) isn't the one i blame. i wish you would have stuck around to hold my hand and solve life's riddles together. i'm not angry, i never was. there's so much i don't understand and i wish that sometimes my words would appeal to the softness of your heart that i know i saw, that i fell for and not the ass that everyone else seems to see. i miss your warped sense of humor and your articulate ways. sometimes i think you're the last articulate person i'll ever have met. no one else can compare.
not that i've been among winners as far as guys go. i know who i'd be there for, worst case scenario, stick by them and hold their hand. more than who'd do it for me, i'm sure. what if i got sick, lost my mind, needed a kidney? i love people intensely. there's no other way about it for me. it's all or nothing. you're in or you're out. no time for wishy-washyness. no more wasted time. i'm going to find it or i'm not.
this is just one step closer in my journey....
which is why part of me still wants to write some of my thoughts down here.
even if i know that everyone and their mother is reading it. but i guess there are times when i need to be me and just let it all out and not worry what everyone else thinks. because when it all comes down to it, that is one of my basic principles. being happy in my skin. and it's a process, it always has been.
lately it's also been a process of getting rid of excess baggage, dispensable people and thoughts. what or with whom can i do without? what or whom can make my life more meaningful?
i need to take care of myself and heal and learn to trust a select few. and i know there's so much i'm doing wrong but what i need most is comfort and i stick by the people i know will provide me with that. lisa, justin, matt, caitlin. one of those doesn't exactly belong but it's something i can't explain. everytime i try to leave, something makes me turn around and stay. baby, he's crazy.
it's not me, i know that and i'm a different person than i was before and don't try to tell me how things were because i was there too. i was there too. believe what you want to believe. besides, there are two sides to every story.
nobody would believe what i have to say.
the one that left me with so many questions unanswered and so many of my emotions in limbo (yes, i really am talking about you this time) isn't the one i blame. i wish you would have stuck around to hold my hand and solve life's riddles together. i'm not angry, i never was. there's so much i don't understand and i wish that sometimes my words would appeal to the softness of your heart that i know i saw, that i fell for and not the ass that everyone else seems to see. i miss your warped sense of humor and your articulate ways. sometimes i think you're the last articulate person i'll ever have met. no one else can compare.
not that i've been among winners as far as guys go. i know who i'd be there for, worst case scenario, stick by them and hold their hand. more than who'd do it for me, i'm sure. what if i got sick, lost my mind, needed a kidney? i love people intensely. there's no other way about it for me. it's all or nothing. you're in or you're out. no time for wishy-washyness. no more wasted time. i'm going to find it or i'm not.
this is just one step closer in my journey....