Time for my surprise i guess
ok my surprise isn't a big one, but i do have a new b/f. his name is ryan and he goes to aura and he is really good friends with missy. so that is a bonus. so i got out of working this weekend and the rest of the summer except a few days next week so i could go and see missy and ryan and go to missy's party. if missy hadnt of been having a party then i would not have tried to get out of work.
just so everyone knows i am not sacrificing myself for this relationship like i have done in the past. where i will make small sacrifices i will not make tremendously huge ones. like going out of my way to see them when they won't do it for me. so right now things are cool and pretty equal between me and ryan.
i am just having a hard time getting over the fact that me and john are really over and that i have a new b/f that isn't john. it's like i have come to expect the same things of any new guy as i did with john. he didn't call, didn't want to talk, blew me off, the only time he was interested was when sex or something sexual was involved and i just need to get past that. i am slowly coming out of it b/c ryan actually does call and actually does want to talk and see me. plus the really great thing is i don't feel obligated to have sex with him. it is not going to be a forced issue either b/c he doesn't really care a whole lot about sex and i definantly want a normal relationship for once where the basis of the relationship isn't sex.
so right now i am just chilling out and relaxing trying to be me again. it's weird to not know who you are sometimes and you feel like you just melted in with the crowd and just went along with things. now i am feeling a lot more alert and a lot more oppinionated, and such things. i am figuring out who i am which is good. and the fact that me and ryan are long distance is a good and a bad thing. i have my life and he has his. so it's nice to be separated and then be together when we like see each other. i just want for once to have a life separate from my b/f. i hate when the two mix together and you feel like you have become one person. like i don't feel obligated to brush up on my table top role playing skills just for him or to brush up on my video gaming all though i might brush up on video games b/c i do love them and so does he. so it would make for some interesting get togethers if i got back in the habit of playing them. which i do want to but i get fustrated soo easily.
we do have things in common which is good. our love of movies for one thing and we like the same music. i just laugh b/c he is a metrosexual which is cool with me and a mix of a geeky gamer all at once. where as you have me a somewhat preppy, yet punkish person. i can intermingle between the two and make it look good. i look very good goth i just don't have the time or the money. all though my tastes are again going between the two so i will have to wait and see what happens.
i am doing good with my classes. not where i should be but not too bad. i am thinking about only taking four classes again this semester just to take a load off of me and try and jam some things all into one day or something like that. i am going to play with my schedule again. i really don't want statistics right now. i am going to wait on it but i know for sure i am keeping my music class, my computer class, my soc class, and my boc. i am just not sure if i am going to try and change times or teachers. i am thinking about switching my boc time to later but i kind of like it where it is. all though i might try and change my teacher if i can. oh well. i am just glad for once that things are going my way, and that i finally feel like i know what i am doing. i am just waiting for it to all blow up in my face b/c since this past weekend things have been not perfect but pretty darn close. i just hope it doesn't end or that things don't get real bad. so that is all right now. whee!! sorry early morning cheer.
just so everyone knows i am not sacrificing myself for this relationship like i have done in the past. where i will make small sacrifices i will not make tremendously huge ones. like going out of my way to see them when they won't do it for me. so right now things are cool and pretty equal between me and ryan.
i am just having a hard time getting over the fact that me and john are really over and that i have a new b/f that isn't john. it's like i have come to expect the same things of any new guy as i did with john. he didn't call, didn't want to talk, blew me off, the only time he was interested was when sex or something sexual was involved and i just need to get past that. i am slowly coming out of it b/c ryan actually does call and actually does want to talk and see me. plus the really great thing is i don't feel obligated to have sex with him. it is not going to be a forced issue either b/c he doesn't really care a whole lot about sex and i definantly want a normal relationship for once where the basis of the relationship isn't sex.
so right now i am just chilling out and relaxing trying to be me again. it's weird to not know who you are sometimes and you feel like you just melted in with the crowd and just went along with things. now i am feeling a lot more alert and a lot more oppinionated, and such things. i am figuring out who i am which is good. and the fact that me and ryan are long distance is a good and a bad thing. i have my life and he has his. so it's nice to be separated and then be together when we like see each other. i just want for once to have a life separate from my b/f. i hate when the two mix together and you feel like you have become one person. like i don't feel obligated to brush up on my table top role playing skills just for him or to brush up on my video gaming all though i might brush up on video games b/c i do love them and so does he. so it would make for some interesting get togethers if i got back in the habit of playing them. which i do want to but i get fustrated soo easily.
we do have things in common which is good. our love of movies for one thing and we like the same music. i just laugh b/c he is a metrosexual which is cool with me and a mix of a geeky gamer all at once. where as you have me a somewhat preppy, yet punkish person. i can intermingle between the two and make it look good. i look very good goth i just don't have the time or the money. all though my tastes are again going between the two so i will have to wait and see what happens.
i am doing good with my classes. not where i should be but not too bad. i am thinking about only taking four classes again this semester just to take a load off of me and try and jam some things all into one day or something like that. i am going to play with my schedule again. i really don't want statistics right now. i am going to wait on it but i know for sure i am keeping my music class, my computer class, my soc class, and my boc. i am just not sure if i am going to try and change times or teachers. i am thinking about switching my boc time to later but i kind of like it where it is. all though i might try and change my teacher if i can. oh well. i am just glad for once that things are going my way, and that i finally feel like i know what i am doing. i am just waiting for it to all blow up in my face b/c since this past weekend things have been not perfect but pretty darn close. i just hope it doesn't end or that things don't get real bad. so that is all right now. whee!! sorry early morning cheer.