(no subject)
wow finally an update. well things certainly have been weird lately. me and matt seem to be getting further and further apart. i really do believe now that it is my fault and i didn't mean to get him mixed up in any of this. so to him i am truly truly sorry. things have been funny though. work got better and worse at the sametime. i love and will miss the ppl there but the customers have got to go. all i have been doing is working and i am getting a break yea!!! so now i am a lot calmer than i have been. there are things about myself that i am starting to realize.
for one thing i do but don't want to be with anyone. right now and especially the way my future is looking wouldn't be a great idea. so i am looking at the sake of the relationship, and the fact that i am finally comfortable with not being with anyone. i like no love my freedom. the other thing is that i am pretty much decided on not going back to ship after this semester. why? i'm moving out. i am finally getting the balls to try and move out on my own i need out. i realized how much i love my freedom at least from my mom.
i all ready have an offer to move in with my friend when he moves out. ok more or less it's an ex and it's justin cooper. which i know is weird for anyone that knows the background story between me and him. i think i am just too nice sometimes and to the wrong ppl. i forgive him and he seems a lot better now and only b/c we are friends. i can't see me and him getting back together anyways. we just don't have that kind of a connection to keep it together. i love him to death he is a good friend and like a brother. the only thing that might happen is that since we are both there and no boy or girl between us then we might fool around a tad but hey who cares. as long as no one gets hurt. i think i would be good for cooper and not in a girlfriend way just b/c i am level headed and i am willing to teach him how to do laundry and how to control his money so it would be cool. and we are spiltting everything and looking at different types of career choices. right now i am looking at different apartment and we decided one bedroom b/c it is cheaper and i am going to cut stuff out since i will be making less money and junk. as long as i am with wegmans i don't need work clothes and if i get a job at walmart regular clothes there and then just school clothes. like that's a big deal. i know i am making this sound easy but i know it won't be.
so i am actually going to strategically plan this all out so we can get in there maybe by the end of summer and if not definantly next year would be perfect. then i would have more money and more time to get myself established. right now i am working on paying off my credit card, buying books, and paying my dad back for the laptop. so that is cool. i have til june for the laptop, and the credit card i have a while, but books are fucking expensive but hey hey only 4 classes. so i am good.
don't get me wrong i love my friends at ship but this is just too much for me. i need an out somehow. i really just want a full time job and that's it. plus i have to look at other options if i get dismissed. i don't want that to happen i want to leave on my own and i want to see how the semester is going before i make a final decision. i am hoping to get out of this house asap but if not then i know i can wait. i am just worried about cooper but if i can't do it i can't do it. and i am not going to push myself to the breaking point just to get out of here. it is only bad with my mom b/c she bitch's 24/7 all the time. me and her are ok sometimes but most of the time we argue and i can't deal with that anymore. so that's it for updates on lately i guess. i'm explaining new yrs in a different one.
for one thing i do but don't want to be with anyone. right now and especially the way my future is looking wouldn't be a great idea. so i am looking at the sake of the relationship, and the fact that i am finally comfortable with not being with anyone. i like no love my freedom. the other thing is that i am pretty much decided on not going back to ship after this semester. why? i'm moving out. i am finally getting the balls to try and move out on my own i need out. i realized how much i love my freedom at least from my mom.
i all ready have an offer to move in with my friend when he moves out. ok more or less it's an ex and it's justin cooper. which i know is weird for anyone that knows the background story between me and him. i think i am just too nice sometimes and to the wrong ppl. i forgive him and he seems a lot better now and only b/c we are friends. i can't see me and him getting back together anyways. we just don't have that kind of a connection to keep it together. i love him to death he is a good friend and like a brother. the only thing that might happen is that since we are both there and no boy or girl between us then we might fool around a tad but hey who cares. as long as no one gets hurt. i think i would be good for cooper and not in a girlfriend way just b/c i am level headed and i am willing to teach him how to do laundry and how to control his money so it would be cool. and we are spiltting everything and looking at different types of career choices. right now i am looking at different apartment and we decided one bedroom b/c it is cheaper and i am going to cut stuff out since i will be making less money and junk. as long as i am with wegmans i don't need work clothes and if i get a job at walmart regular clothes there and then just school clothes. like that's a big deal. i know i am making this sound easy but i know it won't be.
so i am actually going to strategically plan this all out so we can get in there maybe by the end of summer and if not definantly next year would be perfect. then i would have more money and more time to get myself established. right now i am working on paying off my credit card, buying books, and paying my dad back for the laptop. so that is cool. i have til june for the laptop, and the credit card i have a while, but books are fucking expensive but hey hey only 4 classes. so i am good.
don't get me wrong i love my friends at ship but this is just too much for me. i need an out somehow. i really just want a full time job and that's it. plus i have to look at other options if i get dismissed. i don't want that to happen i want to leave on my own and i want to see how the semester is going before i make a final decision. i am hoping to get out of this house asap but if not then i know i can wait. i am just worried about cooper but if i can't do it i can't do it. and i am not going to push myself to the breaking point just to get out of here. it is only bad with my mom b/c she bitch's 24/7 all the time. me and her are ok sometimes but most of the time we argue and i can't deal with that anymore. so that's it for updates on lately i guess. i'm explaining new yrs in a different one.