(no subject)
Yes i am updating 2 in one day..odd but whatever i just feel like it haha.The words " everything is wonderful now" keep resounding in my head and relentlessly pounding at my feelings as of right now. When things get rough, who do you go to? Your friends.If your a loner, you go to your parents.If your are a loner w/ issues you go to yourself. Or if you just choose to bottle things up and let the steam cascade down an already emotionally corroded face, things can be as equally difficult.
At the start of the summer i truly believed it would be a productive, easy going time, boy was i wrong. This summer has been filled w/ empty thoughts, pointless time away from developing relationships, and a kids camp that was in a way rewarding. OH and if my mom decided to be leniant and "not selfish" as she so calls herself, i'd be able to hang out w/ friends. Ann for example, she has truly been my angel this summer no doubt. If i needed to talk she was there, if i needed to vent she was there, if i needed to cry, which definately reached full scale last night...and is still thinning out..., she would be my shoulder to cry on. I love that girl to death and that is that.
This summer was also a time of learning. Learning from what you may ask? For some ppl, their mistakes, others a kind of inciteful learning, and others just an emotional growth spurt when times got rough. That sure as hell was true for me, point blank, flat out. Meeting new people and re-connecting w/ ppl from the past was also a key point of this summer. I'm truly amazed at how ppl really do rise to the occasion when your in your time of need or are just there to talk. amazing.. and i am truly glad i met the people i did b/c they are all so amazing in different ways, and yall know who you are.
This summer was also a time of realization.A thorough realization that growing up is not some fantasy, it occurs, however daunting, exhausting, and often burdensome it can be. Becoming a junior sure as heck has many perks, but we also take a step into our 2nd to last year in highschool. There i said it. That was hard to admit b/c growing is difficult and often times we wish to replay the times of old. I honestly do wish sometimes to go back and relive things, but we can't and that's why we have memory, and it serves it's purpose. I also realized el verano, that people can suprise you. Even when you honestly believe you have someone figured out or at least know them to the core, they shock you w/ something. It could be good..or bad depending on the event and it's scale.
Friends are an important aspect of everyones life, you can't deny, and who would want to? There always there for you, when your being goofy or having intense and often emotional convos until 4 in the morning. WE live we grow and hopefully we wish the best of change to our friends. However that does not always occur as some ppl i know have felt full scale. The best we can hope for is an honest trusting and developing relationship that outlasts the elements. A friendship through no matter what will not crumble underneath the pressure of life. ONe that will outlive incidents and points of no return, that hopefully can be looked back on as just another event. If it were not for friends, life as we know it would be nonexistant.
Family is also another touchy subject. This summer i've realized so many things not only about my self regarding family, but the family unit in general. After all the time that has past, sophomore year was my blooming year. I've come to grips w/ the fact that i will never look, act, or see things in the way my sister does. However i love, respect, and honor her for being the woman she is. I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, which needless to say can become a day to day battle. I've realized ppl's intentions are not only understand or for that matter comprehensive.They say things that catch you off guard and crying is just not an option. Which brings me to my next point.Never have i cried so much in the past 2 weeks in the last 13 years of my life. I say 13, b/c when your 0-3 you cry alot, it's just a fact. Caving under pressure has been the name of the game, and often times i've found it to be an unbearable part of life. For everyone, i wish for no more tears to be shed on frivolous highschool life, b/c realizing this, i conclude that highschool is indeed an immature place full of budding personalities as well as clashing euphomisms.
The only thing i can conclude from this summer is that not everything has a reason or purpose or you will not always understand the way things are going to work out but they will. Ive learned that the past is the past, incidents may arise but having a positive outlook, like the one i've tried to keep is indeed calming..yet somewhat a trick. Go after your dreams because they are never farfetched unless someone sways you to feel that way. Don't ever feel inferior to someone who in fact envies you in the first place. Love is not understood nor grasped. Trust is a key factor in a healthy relationship wether it be just friends or more than that. Forgiveness is the only way to move on from a heart bursting event.
So there you have it. My take on a somewhat dreary towards the end summer that began so beautifully.
At the start of the summer i truly believed it would be a productive, easy going time, boy was i wrong. This summer has been filled w/ empty thoughts, pointless time away from developing relationships, and a kids camp that was in a way rewarding. OH and if my mom decided to be leniant and "not selfish" as she so calls herself, i'd be able to hang out w/ friends. Ann for example, she has truly been my angel this summer no doubt. If i needed to talk she was there, if i needed to vent she was there, if i needed to cry, which definately reached full scale last night...and is still thinning out..., she would be my shoulder to cry on. I love that girl to death and that is that.
This summer was also a time of learning. Learning from what you may ask? For some ppl, their mistakes, others a kind of inciteful learning, and others just an emotional growth spurt when times got rough. That sure as hell was true for me, point blank, flat out. Meeting new people and re-connecting w/ ppl from the past was also a key point of this summer. I'm truly amazed at how ppl really do rise to the occasion when your in your time of need or are just there to talk. amazing.. and i am truly glad i met the people i did b/c they are all so amazing in different ways, and yall know who you are.
This summer was also a time of realization.A thorough realization that growing up is not some fantasy, it occurs, however daunting, exhausting, and often burdensome it can be. Becoming a junior sure as heck has many perks, but we also take a step into our 2nd to last year in highschool. There i said it. That was hard to admit b/c growing is difficult and often times we wish to replay the times of old. I honestly do wish sometimes to go back and relive things, but we can't and that's why we have memory, and it serves it's purpose. I also realized el verano, that people can suprise you. Even when you honestly believe you have someone figured out or at least know them to the core, they shock you w/ something. It could be good..or bad depending on the event and it's scale.
Friends are an important aspect of everyones life, you can't deny, and who would want to? There always there for you, when your being goofy or having intense and often emotional convos until 4 in the morning. WE live we grow and hopefully we wish the best of change to our friends. However that does not always occur as some ppl i know have felt full scale. The best we can hope for is an honest trusting and developing relationship that outlasts the elements. A friendship through no matter what will not crumble underneath the pressure of life. ONe that will outlive incidents and points of no return, that hopefully can be looked back on as just another event. If it were not for friends, life as we know it would be nonexistant.
Family is also another touchy subject. This summer i've realized so many things not only about my self regarding family, but the family unit in general. After all the time that has past, sophomore year was my blooming year. I've come to grips w/ the fact that i will never look, act, or see things in the way my sister does. However i love, respect, and honor her for being the woman she is. I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, which needless to say can become a day to day battle. I've realized ppl's intentions are not only understand or for that matter comprehensive.They say things that catch you off guard and crying is just not an option. Which brings me to my next point.Never have i cried so much in the past 2 weeks in the last 13 years of my life. I say 13, b/c when your 0-3 you cry alot, it's just a fact. Caving under pressure has been the name of the game, and often times i've found it to be an unbearable part of life. For everyone, i wish for no more tears to be shed on frivolous highschool life, b/c realizing this, i conclude that highschool is indeed an immature place full of budding personalities as well as clashing euphomisms.
The only thing i can conclude from this summer is that not everything has a reason or purpose or you will not always understand the way things are going to work out but they will. Ive learned that the past is the past, incidents may arise but having a positive outlook, like the one i've tried to keep is indeed calming..yet somewhat a trick. Go after your dreams because they are never farfetched unless someone sways you to feel that way. Don't ever feel inferior to someone who in fact envies you in the first place. Love is not understood nor grasped. Trust is a key factor in a healthy relationship wether it be just friends or more than that. Forgiveness is the only way to move on from a heart bursting event.
So there you have it. My take on a somewhat dreary towards the end summer that began so beautifully.