Is polyamorous a sexual orientation?

[ladoll42]

I was in a discussion yesterday with two men, one bisexual poly, the other gay and knew nothing about polyamory. I made the statement that people who are poly experience a similar coming-out experience as any other GLBT individual. In some ways, coming out as poly is worse as it's SOOO NOT socially accepted in most cultures

Comments

Just a repost of what I said in <lj user=polyamory>

[jaxxes]

After reading all the comments, I have to say that this is a remarkably thought provoking question with multiple levels that we really can't answer with the knowledge we have of sexuality right now. Here's my point of view and rational for each point:

Yes, I do believe polyamory to be a sexual orientation for some people and a choice for others. In my experience, whether from birth or environment (I personally had very few examples in my environment), being poly has changed the people I choose to be sexually involved with, regardless of other choices I make based on what's between their legs. I've heard a similar sentiment from bisexual friends, that gender attraction is only one layer and what's between the ears often matters just as much.

In regards to coming out, I don't know how much I can compare my experiences with the experiences of others. Part of the problem is that polyamory isn't well known and has to be explained, unlike with aspects of GLB in which awareness is at least a little greater. However, whenever one identifies as something outside the norm, there is still an individual process of letting people know that identity. The fact that I do fear persecution for my poly acceptance within myself makes me tend to ask my GLBTQ friends for advice when dealing with this particular problem. More recently, I've come to the conlusion that I will not come out as "polyamorous" within my work place, but will not hide my partners and instead will describe myself as dating and having romantic, loving relationships with several people all, of whom know and approve of all others. If the term "polyamory" comes up from that, I will certainly accept it, but sometimes by introducing the term first, we're taking on the burden of what that term means to everyone. I would rather start by introducing what it means to me, at least in my workplace.

As for the terminology of using "queer", I certainly did not think of myself as queer until one particular friend said she accepted me as such. While I respect those that do not wish to include me as a strait polyamorous male, and am happy to align myself as an "ally", I think that all minorities based on the expression of their sexuality can only gain strength of knowledge and numbers by accepting an umbrella term. To put it another way, while I don't necessarily subscribe to all the connotations that identifying as "polyamorous" may give me to the general public, I still think the term is closest to the way I choose to express my individual tendancies and choices.