The 5 stages of grieving or dying
I think I have finally come to terms with the death of my ex-husband.
It is strange how I've emotionally gone through what my therapist had
reminded me of something I learned in college. The 5 stages of grieving or dying,
first brought to us by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
It's funny how you learn something, and think you are equipped or capable of handling
the inevitable ,but when it actually happens you forget it all. Emotions tend to
cloud our reasoning capabilities in so many ways. Though I think it is a natural
progression, I can't believe I didn't see myself going through it.
The 5 phases are so simple and easy to recognize, it's ironic I didn't get it...
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
Wow, I went through all of those, not necessarily in that order but what finally drew me
back to my therapist was my failure to dissolve my anger. I couldn't figure out why
I was still so angry at my ex. For his passing, for our life together, for everthing.
I couldn't let it go.
So, after 1 session with my therapist and a good cry of course, she mentioned the phases and
the light-bulb went off in my head. It was a huge relief, because once I acknowledged it
and understood that "I" was going through that, it began to dissipate. It has been one week
since that visit, and today I spoke with her again. She and I both could see a remarkable
improvement in my mood and general well-being. It was then I realized I was finally
accepting it all.
To all and any of you who are going through a grieving process or a death pending,
I would suggest reading, writing, support groups, therapists, or just friends who
can help you through and understand that it is a normal process for all humans.
And most of all, it does go away... when you are ready to accept it.
As for me, I know I'll be o.k., and my boys, as I look back over the last month
or so have go through pretty much the same process. God I wish I remembered this
before, it would have helped me see them going through the same phases.
But for now, they seem to be in the acceptance phase and for that I am thankful.
It is strange how I've emotionally gone through what my therapist had
reminded me of something I learned in college. The 5 stages of grieving or dying,
first brought to us by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
It's funny how you learn something, and think you are equipped or capable of handling
the inevitable ,but when it actually happens you forget it all. Emotions tend to
cloud our reasoning capabilities in so many ways. Though I think it is a natural
progression, I can't believe I didn't see myself going through it.
The 5 phases are so simple and easy to recognize, it's ironic I didn't get it...
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
Wow, I went through all of those, not necessarily in that order but what finally drew me
back to my therapist was my failure to dissolve my anger. I couldn't figure out why
I was still so angry at my ex. For his passing, for our life together, for everthing.
I couldn't let it go.
So, after 1 session with my therapist and a good cry of course, she mentioned the phases and
the light-bulb went off in my head. It was a huge relief, because once I acknowledged it
and understood that "I" was going through that, it began to dissipate. It has been one week
since that visit, and today I spoke with her again. She and I both could see a remarkable
improvement in my mood and general well-being. It was then I realized I was finally
accepting it all.
To all and any of you who are going through a grieving process or a death pending,
I would suggest reading, writing, support groups, therapists, or just friends who
can help you through and understand that it is a normal process for all humans.
And most of all, it does go away... when you are ready to accept it.
As for me, I know I'll be o.k., and my boys, as I look back over the last month
or so have go through pretty much the same process. God I wish I remembered this
before, it would have helped me see them going through the same phases.
But for now, they seem to be in the acceptance phase and for that I am thankful.