(no subject)
a lot of things can be said about the new year, at this point in my life. nothing brings in the new year like a series of operations that your mother has to undergo in order to get rid of the cancer in her throat. i mean really.. nothing says "merry christmas" like "your mom has cancer." a lot has been happening to make me think a little more about life. the fact that mom might die, and also my own near death experience.
shelley and i were driving down the highway, just talking about who-knows-what.. when all of the sudden a black SUV cut off the car in front of us. seemingling the car in front of us must have nicked the SUV, because next thing we know.. shards of glass and chunks of metal burst into the air. the SUV flips over 3 times as is carreens towards the woods off the side of the road. cars everywhere were swerving and slamming on their brakes.. the car in front of us was completely stopped, and shelley and i were coming up on it at 80 mph, and had to swerve over into the right lane, cutting off the truck next to us, and driving through and over the airborn glass and metal. shelley and i are screaming "HOLY SHIT!! WHAT THE FUCK!?" and then shelley yells, "oh my god! what should i do!?" and i shout, "call 911!" by this time shelley and i are off the road and on the grass/snow, just sitting there in pure shock trying to find our phones. i look back and blue lights were flashing, and people were running around the SUV screaming. i can't imagine what it was they saw when they looked in the upside down battered SUV. i can only pray that the girl driving the SUV was wearing her seatbelt, and came out with only a couple bumps and bruises. let me tell you.. THAT was some SCARY SHIT..
i just want to be able to laugh again.. and not out of courtesy, or being polite toward something i SHOULD laugh at.. but to laugh because whatever it is, really truly made me laugh.
i always wish i had a different life, and that i wasn't me.. i know that's not for me to decide. and after being surrounded by possibility of death, i've come to realize.. all i have to decide .. is what to do with the time i am given.