(no subject)
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and start over in February of 2001. Sometimes I wish that I had my bipolar in check back then like I do now. I finally can catch myself going into a depression or a mania and stop it before it gets too late...even if it takes me a few days or a week to do that. I finally have control over my emotions unless something crazy happens which I have no control over. I can finally get back on my feet more quickly. During those crazy times I sometimes make rash or stupid decisions that still hurt those around me but I try to turn those around more quickly to make the best of my life. There are certain things that I want in this life and sometimes I think that I don't try hard enough to get those things. I'm in one of those crazy times right now and I feel like I shouldn't talk to anyone just in case I say something that might hurt them now or sometime down the road. I have two wishes right now. One is that I win the lottery (even though the probability of winning is pretty low I would probably have more of a chance if I at least played) and I would take all the people that I truly love and buy them a house so they could live in it with me and they wouldn't have to move away just to make a dollar. I'm the one that's at fault. I'm the one who is stuck here at UCONN cuz I can't graduate. I'm the one that doesn't work hard enough to do that. I'm the one who just extended my stay here because I want to be regarded as a good researcher. What's more important...why do I put such a high price on my career? Maybe it's because I know that it's something I can do right. What's my career and the pay that goes along with it going to do? Is it going to make me truly happy? Maybe I should just get off this computer and start some work and at least one day sooner I'll graduate.
P.S. Thank you Jeremy for calling last night. Even though you are all the way in Omaha and I talk to you on the phone every 6 months or so, for some reason you always call me when I need someone to talk to. I don't know how you do it but thank you.
P.S. Thank you Jeremy for calling last night. Even though you are all the way in Omaha and I talk to you on the phone every 6 months or so, for some reason you always call me when I need someone to talk to. I don't know how you do it but thank you.