(no subject)
Days like today I find myself missing something. I guess you could call it being nostalgic or walking down memory lane or some sort of cliche like that. But, it is slightly more than that. I don't want to be back in high school I never want to repeat most of that experience just because my life in the last couple of years has finally come together.
Today, I listened to the soundtrack to THE WONDER YEARS and for the first time, really missed Justin. Don't get me wrong. I miss the guy often. But today, I miss the friendship that we used to have. I miss seeing him in the mornings and him asking me how I was doing. He was the only one who ever did that. And I miss his hat. Random, I know, but I loved his hats. Mainly the way that they smell. It was the perfect smell. I miss talking about music with him. He was the only person whom I know who likes music as much as I do. The only person I know who needs music to survive. I miss riding home with him after school. We never really talked about what happened and I really don't ever want to. I never understood it and in all reality, the entire thing really hurt. I guess I figure, however, that things work themsevles out how they are supposed to so I don't dwell on it all.
As I sat at Ingals Field and froze my ass off, I wished I could be at Coffee Bean with Elliot and Michael and maybe even Laura (although she would be a questionable guest). It would be warm and quiet and familiar. There are some days that I miss those two enough to move back to AZ. Really. Not kidding.
The sky outside is grey and although I know there is a sun shining in some part of the world, I cannot see it from my window. The trees are all colours of red and yellow. There are a few trees still holding on desparately to thier green leaves, but I know they will be giving them away soon. The floweres are gone and fall has set itself down and is refusing to give up its spot.
For today, I want dirt and cactus and fikus trees that don't ever seem to loose thier leaves. I want lunch with the boys. I want a trip to Papa San followed by Coffee Bean then movies at Michael's where we are all piled on his bed and no one really pays attention to the movie because, really, we all have more important things to talk about.
But at the same time, I don't want to be the old me. I like me. I like who I have become. I like the young man Elliot has grown into. The one who gives me advice that I will never use but who generally means well. I like the human Michael has turned out to be. I like that we can talk about things that happened in the past without me feeling like a Lenny. And I think, if given the chance, I would like the person Justin has become.
A tub with bubbles calls my name through the halway. Only one more day until the other girls are back.
Tonight, I go out to be 'that girl' for yet another couple of hours.
Today, I listened to the soundtrack to THE WONDER YEARS and for the first time, really missed Justin. Don't get me wrong. I miss the guy often. But today, I miss the friendship that we used to have. I miss seeing him in the mornings and him asking me how I was doing. He was the only one who ever did that. And I miss his hat. Random, I know, but I loved his hats. Mainly the way that they smell. It was the perfect smell. I miss talking about music with him. He was the only person whom I know who likes music as much as I do. The only person I know who needs music to survive. I miss riding home with him after school. We never really talked about what happened and I really don't ever want to. I never understood it and in all reality, the entire thing really hurt. I guess I figure, however, that things work themsevles out how they are supposed to so I don't dwell on it all.
As I sat at Ingals Field and froze my ass off, I wished I could be at Coffee Bean with Elliot and Michael and maybe even Laura (although she would be a questionable guest). It would be warm and quiet and familiar. There are some days that I miss those two enough to move back to AZ. Really. Not kidding.
The sky outside is grey and although I know there is a sun shining in some part of the world, I cannot see it from my window. The trees are all colours of red and yellow. There are a few trees still holding on desparately to thier green leaves, but I know they will be giving them away soon. The floweres are gone and fall has set itself down and is refusing to give up its spot.
For today, I want dirt and cactus and fikus trees that don't ever seem to loose thier leaves. I want lunch with the boys. I want a trip to Papa San followed by Coffee Bean then movies at Michael's where we are all piled on his bed and no one really pays attention to the movie because, really, we all have more important things to talk about.
But at the same time, I don't want to be the old me. I like me. I like who I have become. I like the young man Elliot has grown into. The one who gives me advice that I will never use but who generally means well. I like the human Michael has turned out to be. I like that we can talk about things that happened in the past without me feeling like a Lenny. And I think, if given the chance, I would like the person Justin has become.
A tub with bubbles calls my name through the halway. Only one more day until the other girls are back.
Tonight, I go out to be 'that girl' for yet another couple of hours.