(no subject)

[lactaid]

so back when my boyfriend and i were still newly dating, a few months in, i was pretty manic-y and kissed some other people. i am not proud of this and i feel shame. i don't know why i did this. but i think it is because i was beginning to really love him and i felt that i had not experienced other people yet, and i got scared. i don't know. either way, that happened months and months ago, but he still does not trust me. i'm trying hard to regain his trust. i am not loose nor slutty, yet he and his friends seem to think so based on what happened three months in. [this all happened five months ago] so to this day we have some issues because he wants to hang out with those friends who hate me and always try to talk him out of being with me. however, he defends me and tells them to mind their own business. but deep down he still questions me sometimes. and i need to change this. i think he finds me being friendly to guys as flirting, because my tone of voice changes as i talk to them. like how your voice changes when you are on the phone, or are talking to someone that is a different age than you are or something. but i am working on controlling myself, i guess. for his sake. he thinks [and i guess i agree] that i get a little "loopy" towards nightfall. he wants me to take some of my medication in the morning, and some at night. so we will see. but this is something we have to struggle with a lot lately. because i hate it when he hangs out with those friends, but there is nothing i can really do to prove myself to them, since they have forbidden me to hang out with them.

anyway.
on saturday i spent the day with the boyfriend in new york city. my best friend who i have never met [yay online] lives in california and she was happening to be in nyc for the weekend. so of course we would go see her, being in boston and all. we took the chinese bus which is notorious for it's accidents but it was okay. :P
it was really great and amazing. it was not awkward at all and it was just great. we've been friends forever and it showed.

i have a typical boss at work and i am starting to hate it. but it is money and it is something and i guess in this economywhatever i cannot complain. i am doing some online courses so i can hopefully get a better job soon, since i am not doing the college thing right now.

i'm getting a sleep study done tomorrow night. eep.

things are okay. they are good but stressful so i guess that equates to okay.