Once Upon A Time In Kansas/Missouri

Sep 15, 2004 15:16

There was a knock at the door. A-Rizzle stirred slightly, then settled back into sleep. Dark Kool wasn't sure if he was hearing things or dreaming. Silence. A moment passed before there was another knock at the door, this time more insistent than the first. Dark Kool sat up in bed and listened, puzzling over who could be at the door this early in the morning. He checked the clock; it was 8:15am.



Voices could be heard just outside the door. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying.

"A-Dogg, wake up!" he whisper-shouted. "There's some people at the door. Wake up, fool!!"

A-Rizzle awoke, but couldn't make sense of what was going on at this early hour. Sleep still had a hold over his brain. "Huh?"

Another knock. This time, it was more of a pound. "D. Knight Koniecki! AJ Henderson! We know you two are in there!!! Come out, immediately. No sudden moves!!" Followed by another pound.

"SHIT!" A-Rizzle sat up in his bed. His mind raced to try and figure out just how they'd tracked him down. He was wanted in seven states for being way too damn cool. He thought he'd flown under the radar, but apparently not. Now, the time of retribution had come. "We've got to get out of here right now!"

They hurriedly threw there things into their bags and jumped out the bathroom window into an alley behind the unit they were staying in. Rigby Doggy-Dog was whimpering in her cage. They were in a tight spot, no doubt. They had to hit the road, though, and get out of there without being nabbed by the authorities.

A-Rizzle had an idea. He instructed Dark Kool to make for the corner of the building, then a dash for the car when the time was right.

"How will I know?"

"You'll know... believe me. I'll be around front -- pick me up there," A-Rizzle assured.

Dark Kool peaked around the corner. There were four guys in navy jackets with guns drawn standing outside their hotel room door. There was another nearby, waiting in an unmarked van. Close by, a tractor trailor started its engine and purred to life. The driver got out and walked around to the front, checking something that Dark Kool could not see. He walked back to the driver side and got in. Just then, Dark Kool spotted A-Rizzle. He was running from behind the tractor trailer, towards the back of the unmarked van.

"What the fuck is he doing?"

He disappeared out of site for a while, then reappeared, quickly and stealthily making his way towards the front of the hotel complex. Right around that time, he saw the four men ready themselves, as one grabbed a ram and got ready to beat the door down. Once more, the one of the men shouted at the room.

Just then, the tractor trailer headed off for the road. Almost immediately, the unmarked van was jerked around backwards and began dragging behind the tractor trailer. Confusion ensued, as the four men all wheeled around, saw what was happening and began running towards the van and big-rig. Dark Kool saw this as his opportunity. He ran for the car and hopped in, throwing the dog in the back and starting the car up. He wheeled out of the parking space and headed around the backside of the hotel, taking the long way around. As he left, he saw one of the authorities look up and start running towards him. Anticipating the next move, he slouched down in his seat.

Shots rang out, but none hit, missing wide and high of the car, just as he turned the corner around the backside of the building. When he got to the front, A-Rizzle was there waiting. He didn't even stop, as A-Rizzle threw his bag in the open window (which Dark Kool had smartly rolled down... thank you automatic windows) and dove in headfirst. They peeled out and hit the interstate.

"Are they behind us," A-Rizzle asked?

"No... they are still trying to figure out how to get that van unhitched from the truck. Genius, dude. Genius!"

A-Rizzle lit a cigarette and took a long drag. Exhaling the smoke out the window, he smiled and brushed his hand thru his curly hair. "I know."

And so began the third day of their trip. It would be, after the initial excitement, a rather mundane trip through the states of Kansas and Missouri. They would go as far as St. Louis, they'd determined, before they found lodging for the night. Still, there were two more states to cross and who knew what the day beheld?

Leaving Colorado and crossing into Kansas, A-Rizzle was reminded of his favorite shirt, which he'd accidentally forgotten at home. That shirt amused him greatly. It was the type of humor that he found thoroughly humorous, though not everyone found the same delight in it as he did.

(The Shirt)

Kansas was a rather boring state. The terrain was almost completely flat and barren, except for the endless fields of wheat which spanned one's entire field of view, from horizon to horizon. The occassional tree would stand in a field, curiously bent to one side. It took no time for the two to figure out that the winds on the plain blew unobstructed and had permanently bent the shape of the tree to its whim.

The miles went by at a much more lazy pace through this state, each one seemingly a carbon-copy of the previous. After a while, they began to get lulled to sleep by the constant, unchanging landscape and flat, unbending road. The noise of the car on the pavement, a lullaby coaxing them further into a state of semi-conciousness.

A-Rizzle, in his dream-like state, was reminded of the game of Zelda. He began to wonder if the state of Kansas was like the section of The Lost Woods where, if you simply kept going straight, you would always end up back in the same place. Perhaps if they exited the interstate, then got back on later, similar to Zelda, if they'd hear a magical tune and suddenly pop out on the other side.

Up-Left-Down-Left. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Now entering Missouri!

Such was not the case, however. Fortunately, they saw a sign for Topeka and were glad for the hint of civilazation, as they were beginning to feel the pangs of hunger gnaw at their empty stomachs. It was lunchtime and Cracker Barrel called their name. Within minutes, they were exiting the interstate and pulling up a chair at the big C.B.

"Excuse me... FLO!" *giggles*

"Yeah, what can I do for ya," the waitress they'd tabbed "Flo" responded?

"What's your Soup de Jour," A-Rizzle inquired?

"That's our Soup of the Day," she dead-panned.

"Mmmmm... sounds good... I'll have some of that!"

A while later, they were chowing down on the finest meats and cheeses that CB had to offer. It was then that A-Rizzle looked up from his feast, beginning to get full. Now that he'd settled the issue of feeding his hunger, he could take in the scenery that Topeka had to offer. To his left, he noticed a couple eating by themselves. They were two tables over.

"Hey, D. Knight... see that girl over there at the table to your right? GODDAMN SHE'S HOT!!!"

"Holy Shit, dude! Do you think you said that loud enough," Dark Kool laughed as he asked?

Now, accounts vary on what happened next, but according to Dark Kool, the girl snapped her head around to look at the culprit of the "loud talk." Allegedly, she was not too pleased when she did so.

A-Rizzle insists that this is all crazy-talk and that neither she, nor her boyfriend, heard what was said that afternoon. Either way, A-Rizzle didn't care, because he knew that he could have her dropping her panties within 30 minutes of first contact. He was smooth like that.

Bellies filled, Dark Kool and A-Rizzle decided to hit the road again and maximize their travel time before the delicious Cracker Barrel cuisine decided it was time to make another appearance. They didn't have long. So, they hit the road and made for Kansas City.

It was a short trip to K-to-the-C. They would try to make it to the other side before stopping, but that was in some doubt now. As they passed through the city, A-Rizzle looked over and noticed two dudes in a truck, throwing back a few cold ones. He motioned Dark Kool over next to them and when they pulled alongside, gestured for the fellows to toss a few in his direction. They obliged.

Cold beers in hand, Dark Kool sped off into the distance for The Show-Me State.

"Friendly people, these Midwesterners," A-Rizzle observed as he took a long swig of the golden goodness that his lips so sorely missed over the previous days. After finishing his beer, he noticed that it would not be long before he'd need to stop. Dark Kool insisted on pushing on, but A-Rizzle knew better.

"Pull over at the next stop." It was necessary. And it came not a minute too soon.

Back on the interstate, the pair found themselves in Missouri. Missouri was marginally better than Kansas, the way beer shits are marginally better than diarrhea... which is to say they are both unpleasant, but only to varying degrees. The rolling hills offered no comfort to the travel-weary companions. Darkness was falling, so the scenery would soon be a non-issue, though.

The state passed rather quickly, as DK and AJ shared stories about the days of old. Soon, they were approaching St. Louis and it was time for dinner. Encouraged by an earlier Sonic sighting, they planned to dine in style at the next one that they found. Quickly, they found one and stuffed down some chili-cheese tater tots and an extra-long cheese coney. That was washed down by Super Deluxe Mega Hydra Gulp-sized Oceanwater (Sprite + Blue).

Bowels throughly assaulted, they set off to find accommodations for the night. Relief didn't come until they were clear on the other side of the Mississippi in East St. Louis. This is no place to be after dark, so A-Rizzle made sure to have his piece ready the entire time.

They checked in and settled in for the night. A-Rizzle went directly to bed, but Dark Kool was not yet ready. Apparently, the Cracker Barrel and Sonic were ready to go public, so he ducked into the facilities. As A-Rizzle dozed off, he could've sworn he heard Dark Kool quietly sobbing in the bathroom. Whether they were tears of joy or tears of pain, we'll never know...

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