Projected Thanksgiving 2008
"Attention everyone. Attention please. I know that we are all gathered here this evening to celebrate Thanksgiving. And to participate in the intervention for my brother, who is currently locked in the other room scribbling vaginal imagery into the margins of some of my books. Not to mention the additional logistical planning we need to address regarding the destruction of Aunt Sue's home by the hurricane. As well as the important issues some of you are discussing regarding grandmother's recent diagnosis with lymphoma. And I know, Dad, that you recently lost your job, and that the other one that you waited several months to hear back from turned out to be an Internet scam; and, Mom, that with the economy going to shit your own job is in serious jeopardy. Also, I realize that the oldest dog is very close to death, and is currently urinating under the table near my foot. But with all of you gathered here, I thought it would be an opportune time to come out of the closet and let you all know that I'm gay, and that I will be moving in with someone come January. So my mailing address will probably change, but I'll be sure to keep you all posted on that front.
Anyway. Feel free to resume turkey."
Anyway. Feel free to resume turkey."