English to Porn Dictionary
Setting: Calexico concert. I turn to my friend and scream something into her ear. Her face immediately contorts into a 'wtf look', and screams back, "why the fuck are you telling me you like porn now?!?!" "Horns, Deb, I said I like the HORNS!"
Setting: Office after my Netflix movies arrive. Yolanda turns to me and asks if I got anything interesting. In response to my reply, she looks at me with all seriousness and asks, 'so is that why we get all these Viagra emails?' At that point, Deb comes to my rescue and explains, 'he said foreign films, NOT porn films."
Do you see a pattern here?
Setting: Christmas party. Kelly complains about the lack of alcohol. Several people responded to her complaints. She focuses on my response and asks me 'why are you mentioning self lubrication now?!' "I said SOCIAL lubrication, Kelly, SOCIAL."
At this point, you will likely conclude I have issues enunciating my words. This is not the case, however. I simply surround myself with very weird people.
Setting: Office after my Netflix movies arrive. Yolanda turns to me and asks if I got anything interesting. In response to my reply, she looks at me with all seriousness and asks, 'so is that why we get all these Viagra emails?' At that point, Deb comes to my rescue and explains, 'he said foreign films, NOT porn films."
Do you see a pattern here?
Setting: Christmas party. Kelly complains about the lack of alcohol. Several people responded to her complaints. She focuses on my response and asks me 'why are you mentioning self lubrication now?!' "I said SOCIAL lubrication, Kelly, SOCIAL."
At this point, you will likely conclude I have issues enunciating my words. This is not the case, however. I simply surround myself with very weird people.