BM09
Burning Man was a great adventure with lots of ups and a few downs (that led to big ups). I went into the event wanting life direction and a vision for living and balancing my career. After being out there for several days, I didn't think the direction I needed was going to present itself. Early Sunday morning I took a solo ride out to the Temple. I started reflecting on my week at BM, the people I had met and where I fit within the Burning Man world. I felt like a mentor, teacher, and guide.
Up until the point of riding out to the Temple, I felt like my world view was a million piece puzzle and I was frantically trying to make it all fit together and make sense of the image. I felt angry, frustrated, mean, overwhelmed, unloved and completely misunderstood. The harder I pushed, the harder my days became. When I was on the fence about going to Burning Man, the need for life direction kept winning out.
As I approached the Temple I started crying. My heart hurt with gratitude, forgiveness, acceptance, openness and wonder. Every person I met, every encounter was pushing me to this point in the week. I felt quiet, reflective, open, humbled and craving life again. The feeling of acceptance of who I am, where I fit, what I bring to life started to connect the puzzle into a recognizable shape. The word ‘therapist’ kept coming to mind. Did I need one? Did I want one? Oh. I am one.
I spent several hours at the Temple reading words, notes, poems, apologies.. I could feel the weight of emotion left with those words. I climbed the stairs to the third tier of the temple and looked out on the city. A city of splendid sleeping souls, comforted by freakish eccentricity. I walked around the structure crying and stopping to reflect. I thanked the Anderson’s for loving me wholly and keeping me buoyant. I thanked the artists for their time and energy. I thanked the sun for shining and reminding us of its harsh love, sometimes our love needs sun block. I thanked my camp for being supportive, loving, appreciative and wacky. I thanked my absent friends for gifting me their light.
Somewhere along the journey I realized my purpose was not for myself, it is for those around me. It was the first time I realized I had selfishly wanted out, not realizing what that would mean to my family and friends.
I left the temple with direction, focus and gratitude. I haven’t been happy in IT for awhile and my summer off last year highlighted my need for flexible work life. Monday through Friday, nine to five isn’t the life I want to live. Even with a great company, great benefits and lots of opportunity, I feel stifled and anxious a lot of the time. I decided to head back in a career direction I’ve thought about many times, at different points in my life, Psychology. I’d like to go back to school to become a Therapist. I’m not sure how it will manifest, but having that word/ idea in my head has eased a lot of tension and frustration for me.
I’m taking my decision to go back to school as a breath of fresh air in my life. I’ll need to take some pre-req’s, look into school options for graduate programs, and go out into the community to try different approaches and techniques. My current thoughts are to stay in the Bay Area, take some prerequisite classes and try to get into a graduate program by the fall of 2011. The idea of working with people to help them meet their goals and challenges brings me a lot of joy. I’m also looking forward to having my own practice down the road and maybe kick the 9-5 habit.
Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for supporting me and giving me space to be myself. I understand how privileged I am and I hope to continue to appreciate this beautiful world.
Love, Lacie
Up until the point of riding out to the Temple, I felt like my world view was a million piece puzzle and I was frantically trying to make it all fit together and make sense of the image. I felt angry, frustrated, mean, overwhelmed, unloved and completely misunderstood. The harder I pushed, the harder my days became. When I was on the fence about going to Burning Man, the need for life direction kept winning out.
As I approached the Temple I started crying. My heart hurt with gratitude, forgiveness, acceptance, openness and wonder. Every person I met, every encounter was pushing me to this point in the week. I felt quiet, reflective, open, humbled and craving life again. The feeling of acceptance of who I am, where I fit, what I bring to life started to connect the puzzle into a recognizable shape. The word ‘therapist’ kept coming to mind. Did I need one? Did I want one? Oh. I am one.
I spent several hours at the Temple reading words, notes, poems, apologies.. I could feel the weight of emotion left with those words. I climbed the stairs to the third tier of the temple and looked out on the city. A city of splendid sleeping souls, comforted by freakish eccentricity. I walked around the structure crying and stopping to reflect. I thanked the Anderson’s for loving me wholly and keeping me buoyant. I thanked the artists for their time and energy. I thanked the sun for shining and reminding us of its harsh love, sometimes our love needs sun block. I thanked my camp for being supportive, loving, appreciative and wacky. I thanked my absent friends for gifting me their light.
Somewhere along the journey I realized my purpose was not for myself, it is for those around me. It was the first time I realized I had selfishly wanted out, not realizing what that would mean to my family and friends.
I left the temple with direction, focus and gratitude. I haven’t been happy in IT for awhile and my summer off last year highlighted my need for flexible work life. Monday through Friday, nine to five isn’t the life I want to live. Even with a great company, great benefits and lots of opportunity, I feel stifled and anxious a lot of the time. I decided to head back in a career direction I’ve thought about many times, at different points in my life, Psychology. I’d like to go back to school to become a Therapist. I’m not sure how it will manifest, but having that word/ idea in my head has eased a lot of tension and frustration for me.
I’m taking my decision to go back to school as a breath of fresh air in my life. I’ll need to take some pre-req’s, look into school options for graduate programs, and go out into the community to try different approaches and techniques. My current thoughts are to stay in the Bay Area, take some prerequisite classes and try to get into a graduate program by the fall of 2011. The idea of working with people to help them meet their goals and challenges brings me a lot of joy. I’m also looking forward to having my own practice down the road and maybe kick the 9-5 habit.
Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for supporting me and giving me space to be myself. I understand how privileged I am and I hope to continue to appreciate this beautiful world.
Love, Lacie