ANts in my pAnts
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
I have wander lust, SOMETHING. I don't know!
Its that old feeling that makes me literally want to stand up and walk in circles. When I was little, sometimes I"d feel antsy and I would just walk in a circle around the kitchen table. Over and over and over and over and over. I never timed it, but I would go until I was physically ill and then go sleep.
THAT'S what I feel like.
I could go paint, but it won't help all that much. I 've done it before. I feel like how I used to feel when I"d sit and write a few pages, but the the drain is plugged. The stopper is in the hole and I don't know what I"m feeling or why.
Except that I feel like someone's clawing fingers over the chalkboard. But I know neither where the board is nor the person. So I feel powerless.
THank God I got some cuddles last night. Not sex. Just plain, simple human contact. It was a TREMENDOUS help. But that's all I've got.
IT doesn't help I've pretty literally lost all my damn friends now too. My closest friends are literally all either moved out of state, married - some with babies- but all too busy (b/c this is what happens when people become a locked couple, it's just part of life. IT just SUCKS BALLS for the people left single. I"m either a damn third wheel or not invited at all.
I HATE it.
But I don't want to date either. Had quite enough, thank you.
Dammit. Except I do NEED people. I hate to admit it, but I guess it's super-true. Maybe that's what my ants are. ... I think it very much is really. I just need to be around more people. Period.
I have wander lust, SOMETHING. I don't know!
Its that old feeling that makes me literally want to stand up and walk in circles. When I was little, sometimes I"d feel antsy and I would just walk in a circle around the kitchen table. Over and over and over and over and over. I never timed it, but I would go until I was physically ill and then go sleep.
THAT'S what I feel like.
I could go paint, but it won't help all that much. I 've done it before. I feel like how I used to feel when I"d sit and write a few pages, but the the drain is plugged. The stopper is in the hole and I don't know what I"m feeling or why.
Except that I feel like someone's clawing fingers over the chalkboard. But I know neither where the board is nor the person. So I feel powerless.
THank God I got some cuddles last night. Not sex. Just plain, simple human contact. It was a TREMENDOUS help. But that's all I've got.
IT doesn't help I've pretty literally lost all my damn friends now too. My closest friends are literally all either moved out of state, married - some with babies- but all too busy (b/c this is what happens when people become a locked couple, it's just part of life. IT just SUCKS BALLS for the people left single. I"m either a damn third wheel or not invited at all.
I HATE it.
But I don't want to date either. Had quite enough, thank you.
Dammit. Except I do NEED people. I hate to admit it, but I guess it's super-true. Maybe that's what my ants are. ... I think it very much is really. I just need to be around more people. Period.