Shears
# of miles run today: 3.25
how long it took: 26 minutes (give or take some seconds. timing is courtesy of adding the songs up i listened to on my ipod)
# of white horses seen in a row today: 5... so its a good day (has anyone else read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime"? Please, someone get this reference.)
# of inches of hair no longer on my head: 9
As a person, I have changed a lot in the last few years. I have also not changed at all. With every new experience- good and bad- I have undergone some sort of revelation that has altered my perception on the world around me and the people in it. I feel that I have grown up a lot. Some of it is due to my job. It was my first full time job where I was actually wholly responsible for something and something was expected of me. Some of it is due to my mother. As I get older, the fragility of life is exposed a little more. Some of it is due to living away from my family for a period of time. Self-sufficiency becomes important. Seeing how life is looking after yourself for the first time is eye-opening, and moving back home is humbling. The routines are the same, but you see them in a slightly different light because you bring your new life experiences with you. When you are asked to turn the light off when you leave the room, you do it. Because now you know what an electric bill looks like. If you're asked to mow the lawn, you do it. Because you remember what it was like to be sick and have no one to help you do these things when all you needed was to lie down. Changes like this teach you empathy and understanding. There are only various shades of grey in the world, which makes most debates very difficult. Nothing is black and white anymore and if you're very good you can see both sides of any arguement. This can be a fantastic thing because you become adept at compromise, but decisions one way or the other are taxing.
I've always been good at change, which is ironically how I think I stayed the same. If someone tells me I'm wrong, I don't get angry. I think about why they would say that and how they came to that conclusion. Chances are, they are right at least in some capacity. Others will always see thing from a perspective you can't possibly have, because their life experiences have not taught them to view things in the same way. I believe that if you can hold onto some of your own convictions and still allow and accept criticism, you're on your way to being a better person. This doesn't mean that you will always be wrong and they will be right, I don't think that really exists. But both people can be right and you can take ideas from both parties and apply them to your own life and make it work for you. Simple as that.
I still hold that this is a good idea and will (hopefully) only lead to a rich and fullfilling future, but to be honest, it gets old. Being able to say you FULLY understand the state of anything takes a lot of time and a lot of thought... in a purely philosophical manner. And who can say if there ever comes a time when you really will? And it is this last thought that has been running through my mind a lot over the last few weeks.
How can I ever change enough to see the world differently?
I cut my hair.
Most of my life, my hair has been long, at points it was down to my lower back. And I could always have it down. This was crucial when I felt the need to sort of hide, but had no way of doing so inconpicuously. I was always nervous meeting new people. I'm pretty ackward and my humor is dry (and probably creepy) so I always worry about leaving a bad impression. Having my hair down would create a wall. It could cover part of my face and made it easy to hide my eyes so no one could tell if I didn't understand something or was too tongue tied to add anything witty and useful. I don't really trust my speech (or motor) skills in a crowd.
By cutting it off, I no longer have that to fall back on. Removing a piece of security and familiarity is the best way I can come up with to make myself change in another way. It seems like such a small and insignificant gesture, but anyone who has ever been in the same situation knows that its a hard thing to do. We spend so much time admiring the girls with the short hair and the confidence that we forget we can do it, too.
I might grow it back one day, but that will be after I feel comfortable in my own skin; after I can look at the mirror and not feel desperate for some sort of change; after I am content. Until then, seeing the world has been easier without hair in my face. :)
how long it took: 26 minutes (give or take some seconds. timing is courtesy of adding the songs up i listened to on my ipod)
# of white horses seen in a row today: 5... so its a good day (has anyone else read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime"? Please, someone get this reference.)
# of inches of hair no longer on my head: 9
As a person, I have changed a lot in the last few years. I have also not changed at all. With every new experience- good and bad- I have undergone some sort of revelation that has altered my perception on the world around me and the people in it. I feel that I have grown up a lot. Some of it is due to my job. It was my first full time job where I was actually wholly responsible for something and something was expected of me. Some of it is due to my mother. As I get older, the fragility of life is exposed a little more. Some of it is due to living away from my family for a period of time. Self-sufficiency becomes important. Seeing how life is looking after yourself for the first time is eye-opening, and moving back home is humbling. The routines are the same, but you see them in a slightly different light because you bring your new life experiences with you. When you are asked to turn the light off when you leave the room, you do it. Because now you know what an electric bill looks like. If you're asked to mow the lawn, you do it. Because you remember what it was like to be sick and have no one to help you do these things when all you needed was to lie down. Changes like this teach you empathy and understanding. There are only various shades of grey in the world, which makes most debates very difficult. Nothing is black and white anymore and if you're very good you can see both sides of any arguement. This can be a fantastic thing because you become adept at compromise, but decisions one way or the other are taxing.
I've always been good at change, which is ironically how I think I stayed the same. If someone tells me I'm wrong, I don't get angry. I think about why they would say that and how they came to that conclusion. Chances are, they are right at least in some capacity. Others will always see thing from a perspective you can't possibly have, because their life experiences have not taught them to view things in the same way. I believe that if you can hold onto some of your own convictions and still allow and accept criticism, you're on your way to being a better person. This doesn't mean that you will always be wrong and they will be right, I don't think that really exists. But both people can be right and you can take ideas from both parties and apply them to your own life and make it work for you. Simple as that.
I still hold that this is a good idea and will (hopefully) only lead to a rich and fullfilling future, but to be honest, it gets old. Being able to say you FULLY understand the state of anything takes a lot of time and a lot of thought... in a purely philosophical manner. And who can say if there ever comes a time when you really will? And it is this last thought that has been running through my mind a lot over the last few weeks.
How can I ever change enough to see the world differently?
I cut my hair.
Most of my life, my hair has been long, at points it was down to my lower back. And I could always have it down. This was crucial when I felt the need to sort of hide, but had no way of doing so inconpicuously. I was always nervous meeting new people. I'm pretty ackward and my humor is dry (and probably creepy) so I always worry about leaving a bad impression. Having my hair down would create a wall. It could cover part of my face and made it easy to hide my eyes so no one could tell if I didn't understand something or was too tongue tied to add anything witty and useful. I don't really trust my speech (or motor) skills in a crowd.
By cutting it off, I no longer have that to fall back on. Removing a piece of security and familiarity is the best way I can come up with to make myself change in another way. It seems like such a small and insignificant gesture, but anyone who has ever been in the same situation knows that its a hard thing to do. We spend so much time admiring the girls with the short hair and the confidence that we forget we can do it, too.
I might grow it back one day, but that will be after I feel comfortable in my own skin; after I can look at the mirror and not feel desperate for some sort of change; after I am content. Until then, seeing the world has been easier without hair in my face. :)