A Day in the Life of a...Who Are You Again?
I think I might be invisible.
Well, part of the time anyway, and i'm pretty sure i'm being serious. the first time this thought occured to me was earlier this evening when i was at work. i left to get something to eat and two- *two*- people walked into me. at seperate times. once on the way there and once on the way back. as its normal for people to be transported to.. shall we say.. "higher planes of existence" in the mall and not notice oncoming traffic, this in and of itself isn't too uncommon. i don't think they even felt it though. not a flinch, nothing. the idea flickered through my head for an instant before i got distracted by the shiny metal frames that are randomly scattered across the floors advertising whats going on in the mall. yes, i read every one that i pass. yes, i have to.
the next time this happened i was mid-treacherous trek through the vast and terrifying chasm you pretty much have to cross to get to the bathrooms. a lady pushing a stroller ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HALL (about 10 ft-ish away) started veering off of her couse at about a 45 degree angle towards me. even looking back i couldn't tell you what caused this sudden change in her motivation. i mean, she was pretty much already at the door. it was open a little, and sure, there was a slight breeze, and i may be no scientist, but i don't think a breeze alone vector-ally warrants this kind of swervy action.
anyway, in case you're wondering, we didn't hit. i ducked out of the way in time. i guess explicatives are what bring me back into the field of normal human vision, because i must say, she looked surprised to see me there.
i don't think it ends there though. i think the invisibility may span to the vocal arena too. i don't think anyone ever really hears me. well , yeah, probably with the trite stuff, but never what i actually mean. this very well could be my own fault, however, for several reasons. 1) i only speak in double meanings. all the time. 2) i have an uncanny ability to *never* say what i mean to say or finish a thought- out loud- wholly. (i never said why i thought i might be crossing the line, you know. it stopped a bit abruptly).
there's a particular beauty in blunt, hard-as-nails, no-fuckin-around language that i would love to be able to master, but sadly, i don't really see it happening. this being the case, i feel i should re-iterate. if you want to know what i'm thinking... its not what i just said. sorry for any inconvenience- i am trying and have a slight, but thusfar disregardable, success rate. but hey, if you don't care, then fuck-all, neither do i! honestly, i'll probably forget we had this conversation in a few hours. memory like a goldfish. speaking of which- i lost three minutes today. it was kind of an unsettling experience and i'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them and if they have any ideas for getting them back. you'll be handsomly rewarded.
buuuuut i digress. this feeling stayed with me for the rest of the night. i closed by myself at work, which itself isn't a problem ( i love everyone i work with, but thanks to my social phobia, which i'm sure is oh-so-normal, i don't mind being alone). if you put it all together- the invisibility bit in all of its facets i mean. it gets easy to wonder how you "exist" so to speak. think about it: alone out of *anyone's* view, in a white room in a back hallway not even visible to mall-goers, and.. well, i don't really need to spell it out, do i? well, i will anyway. you're a tiny speck hiding in the leaky bowels of the mall. THE MALL. the place across 8th grade history where most people go to be seen!
aside from that, the fact that disembodied voices randomly materialize across the lab at odd intervals add to the ambiance i think. it sort of has a nice molly-maid-meets-the-sanitorium vibe to it. i say molly maid because they're the lovely people who clean up the mess left behind by the frontmen without (too much) complaint (haha nevermind actually) or credit. well, though, we do have the mischevious lab leprechauns who *must* be the ones mussin' up special orders and leaving paperwork all about. hehe lil' scamps. anyway, i found that the secret to getting through these kind of nights is to put "The Widow" on repeat and tap my fingers together speculatively while dry-heaving. heh.
... is she joking?
Oh! i almost forgot- in my attempt to make contact at at least one freakin' point tonight, i sort of broke the lab phone. by the computer. well, its not busted really, but its not exactly standing upright either. it.. uh.. works.
In conclusion, with my lengthy training in the art of invisibility, stealth and zen and my obvious resourcefulness (that'd be the part where the phone thing comes in), I think I would make an excellent candidate for the opening of "ninja". Thank you for your time and consideration.