Harry Potter - Lily Luna - I'm Not Gonna Live For You (Or Die For You)
Harry Potter - Lily Luna - I'm Not Gonna Live For You (Or Die For You)
Medium: Books & Movies
Fandom: Harry Potter
Subject: Lily Luna Potter
Title: I'm Not Gonna Live For You (Or Die For You)
Warnings: spoilers for book seven, curse words, sex themes, Teddy/Lily overtones, etc etc
Notes: So... Lily Luna. I just love her to pieces. This is my first fanmix (that I post anywhere), and I hope you all enjoy, and there's also one song in portuguese by a brazilian singer and composer. It's loosely inspired by a fic of mine that goes by the same name, but it's actually more of a reflection of how others see her, and how she sees herself. I wrote little vignettes to accompany it,, but you can just ignore them and build up the story in your own head if you wish to ;)
That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings
"They call me quiet girl, but I'm a riot"
At Hogwarts, she doesn't stand out. In a sea of red-haired freckled girls, Lily stands by the sidelines, the youngest Weasley, the one who often keeps to herself. She doesn't understand why no one even bother trying to get to know her, the real her, and the only friends she has are the ones she had made before school, or through her family. She longs to stand apart, she doesn't feel like she belong, but she's trapped by her name and her roots and who people think she should be. She's drowning in herself, and sometimes it scares her, how often she feels like she's just slipping through the cracks and no one even notices.
Freak - Emily Haines
"You live too hard,
You look too good"
By the time she turns sixteen, she's no longer the sullen girl she used to be. She cuts her hair, dyes it black, then neon-green, just to end up going back to her original colour. She starts meeting people's eyes when she talks, speaking her mind regardless of the consequences, the arch of her brow and the tick on her chin letting people know she's done caring. And they start noticing her, calling her beautiful, telling how she's supposed to act, and she just wants to slap them. Where were them when she was screaming for something, anything to let her know that someone, somewhere, knew she was something more than one of the Weasley girls? She had to rescue herself, had changed for herself, and she no longer cared whether she was seen or noticed at all. Now all she wanted was to live her life in her own terms, no matter what people seemed to think of her, and there's no one out there that could stop her.
Kiss Quick - Matt Nathanson
"Kiss quick, I've got a line out the door who all think they can save me
One by one they lay the world at my feet, one by one they drive me crazy"
When she announces she's moving to Norway to work with dragons, just like her Uncle Charlie did, her parents' head nearly explodes. They question her decision, calling her young, reckless, naive. Her own brothers doubt her sanity, and her Grandma won't stop crying. There's only one person who seems to think she knows what she's doing, and that person is Teddy. He smiles that goofy grin of his, pushes her persistent fringe away from her eyes, and tells her to prove the other wrong. She doesn't think he knows back then, couldn't possible understand, but this means the world to her - knowing there's at least someone out there who understands her, who trusts her, who finally sees her for who she is - a person completely capable of taking care of herself. She doesn't need saving, and Teddy was the only one who knew it back then even without her having to tell him.
Hang With Me - Robyn
"Just don't fall recklessly, headlessly in love with me
'Cause it's gonna be all heartbreak
Blissfully painful and insanity"
She gets extremely lonely sometimes. Her line of work isn't extremely conductive when it comes to a social life, and she's normally fine with that. She makes a couple of friendships down at the reserve, and between her training, the dragons and the fact that she has enough family members to keep her constantly busy writing letters, there's not much space for a love life. That's what she lets Aaron know when they first meet, and he seems to understand, even if he doesn't like it. But what she doesn't tell him (or herself) is that her heart has already been given to someone else, and it doesn't seem capable of letting go, even when deep down it knows it's all going to end in heartbreak for her (for him, for them, for everyone involved).
Sombra - Thiago Ribeiro
"Respire, concentre, não se deixe tomar
Resista, insista, resista à força dela"
It sneaks up on her, how much she misses Teddy. She never even realized it before she left, but he was always the one person she could talk to, the one person who would just listen - not judging her, not even frowning. She misses his easy smile and his warm hands, the way he always kept a handful of black tea and biscuits on his apartment just for her. He keeps writing her less and less, and it makes her misses him more, forces her to really think about his place in her life, what he means to her. She doesn't like what she finds, she's scared by it, and she wills herself not to give in to those (inappropriate) feelings. He's Victoire's, has always been hers, and she's not going to be the one that gets in the way of that.
To Let Myself Go - Ane Brun
"There's no use taking a step back, a step back from me"
Living by herself, Lily finally learns who she is. She learns to relinquish control a little bit, to let herself come undone sometimes, and just be. It's hard, letting herself go, but it's even harder to try and escape yourself and your truths.
Get Some - Lykke Li
"Got you around my fingers like a lonely lover's charm"
She loves to dance. She loves to move her body to the rhythm of a song, and she never cares whether she looks silly or not while doing it. She has learned the hard way that sometimes, in order to feel good with yourself, you just have to let go and get carried away. She makes the most of it, and she chases her ghosts away with such determination that it keeps getting harder to stop moving with every ticking second.
What the fuck was I thinking? - Jenny Owen Young
"Love grows on me like atumour
Parasite bent on devouringits host "
When it comes to love and romance and whatnot, she tends to make a fool of herself. She loves too much, too hard, and all the wrong things for her. She loves dragons, and they constantly try to kill her. She loves Teddy, and no good has come of that. She wonders why she can't just function like a normal person and love normal, healthy things, not keep reaching and grasping for what can only destroy her. And when she eventually gives in, when she finally kisses him and nearly weeps when he kisses her back, she realizes something - she knows for certainty she just dug her own grave, and that she will happily lie down and be buried in it.
Nantes - Beirut
"Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile"
Her whole life blows up when Teddy comes clean to Victoire. There's no place to run or to hide, and she tries to hold her held high, but it's a hard thing to do when her own parents look at her as if they are wondering where it's all gone wrong. And it was just a kiss, a unforgettable, life-altering kiss, but it hurts everyone just the same as if it had been a lifelong affair. She eventually goes back to Norway, and she's drifting, away from all the things she loves but the dragons. And it wears her down, the way she can't seem to find solace even in that anymore, and how she's all alone now - how she doesn't even have Teddy as a friend anymore.
Sunday Afternoon - Rachael Yamagata
"I'm not gonna live for you, or die for you
won't do anything anymore for you
because you leave me here on the other side
oh, you leave me here on the other side"
In the end, he chooses no one. Victoire won't forgive her, her Dad won't look her in the eye, and she has no floor, no home. Teddy has disappeared somewhere to find himself (she wants to laugh at this, but she just chokes up instead), and there's just her, the dragons, and a stack of unread letters pilling up on her desk. She has no one to blame for herself and she ends up right back where she started it: doing the same thing she had learned how to do when she was a little girl, saving herself. And she goes on.
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