i have thought of several different ways to

[laceyintheskyy]

kill myself today. Its not pretty to think about. I've thought about stepping in front of a car, walking out into the ocean and doing my best to drown, throwing myself down the stairs, hanging myself, slitting my wrists. all of those things sound so painful. then i remembered i nearly died this weekend, by something that wouldn't have hurt at all. i have a tube in my arm... that can literally drain my blood if i uncap it and let it go. which is what happened this weekend. by accident. but it crossed my mind today that i could just unscrew that fucking cap and lay down, and soon everything would be over.

i will not kill myself.

but i like to think about how it would go down if i did.