HaPpY nEw YeArS!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES!!!!!
Yeah, it's rainbow... what the fuck what. You think I care? You think I actually care? I'm bi, so fuckin what. I'm proud as hell cause you know what... ya'll know guys lie. You MIGHT get a good one... if you're lucky, but most of us aren't so I don't waste my time.
Since this is prolly one of my last entries in 2004, I want to make it a good one. I'm gonna do an lj cut just in case it's a mad long entry, it might be. Idk.
The past year has had its ups and down. It's been a hard year for me, and alot of other people. On January 2, 2005 I would have lived with my Dad for 8 years, I havn't seen my Mom, or 2 half-sisters in 8 years. And sometimes I miss my Mom, usually I don't. I miss Amber more, she's my oldest sister. She was the greatest, I love her. I wish I knew where she was, but I don't, so I deal with the fact that I will probably never see them again.
On June 25, 2004 my Grandfather passed away after battling cancer for many years. I stayed with him for 3 months, and I'm happy that I did because if I hadn't... I would have felt horrible. I'm glad I got to spend time with him before he passed away. His ashes have yet to be scattered at sea, we have to arange it with the Navy. He was in kemo therapy for a long period of time, if the dictors were smarter they probably would have been able to save him, and found out he had cancer before it was to late. The kemo helped, but then he for worse... the cancer spread into his lungs, and he for a brain tumor. He didn't want to pass away in the hospital, but sadly he did. Early in the morning on June 25th he passed away. My Grandma was going to call me from the hospital the day before so I could talk to him, but my Aunt and Uncle got into town and she couldn't call. My Grandpa couldn't talk, he had reached the point where he could no longer talk, but my Grandma told him about me wanting to talk to him and she said he smiled. There's so much I wanted to tell him before he left, I miss him alot. I'm so greatful for the time I got to spend with him. The day he passed away his dogs (2 great danes) Ben and Toby stopped eating and drinking, they ended up in a Dane Rescue here in Oregon. Not because my Grandma didn't take care of them, but because they needed to get away from that house, and away from my Grandfathers memory. It was such a hard month, I havn't been to the house since March, I don't want to go back and remember everything... it will be to hard, but I guess... I'll end up going back sooner or later...
I guess I'll make a New Year's Resolution... or two... I probably won't stick to them, but oh well. I try...
-:- Get into a strong, healthy relationship that will actually last
-:- Not cut (I havn't since October 4th)
-:- Not kill myself
-:- Try my best to move out...
-:- Do my best in school (My grades suck right now...)
-:- Not get arested, or lie to cops
Lastnight I was up untill like 4, granted I went UP TO BED at 3... I was just thinking for a while. I got Pierre's meds lastnight YAY, he started taking them lastnight, but I don't think he has enough of the oral med because they were stupid and put it in like a pill bottle then can and will leak (dumb fucks, even I know better!) Sooo I think they will have to give me some for free... again, because last time even though they put it in a vile that had a rubber thing to keep it closed and it was air tight, they didn't give me enough by like 3 days, sooo we got some for free cause they fucked up.
Andrea fell asleep lastnight, but it's okay because we can blame it on LOGAN today, he wouldn't leave the room, and he was just sitting there reading my convos with people and it got really annoying and she fell asleep because she was tired.
Who wants to come over and get drunk with me? I'll pay you if you bring the alcohol... no one? No one wants to come over and hang with me tonight? Wow... I didn't know I was so unloved... that hurts... *tear*
Popeye and Ripey got into another fight lastnight, like hard core. There was blood. Nicole got a new bag of food, it was un opened and Popeye just went after Ripley and as soon as Logan and I heard then fighting we ran down stairs and it took us like 10 min to get them apart, it was soooo fuckin hard though, and Nicole was crying and I had blood on my hand and Logan had blood on his hand, Nicole called Andy and he came and got Popeye. When we got them apart, we were in the bathroom and it has 2 doors, one going INTO the basement and one is like at the bottom of the stairs which goes upstairs and everything, Nicole dragged Popeye into the basement part and closed the door, and she like collapsed on the floor crying, when she got up she grabbed her phone and asked Logan and I to take Ripley upstairs... so we did, and got him into the computer room, Logan got him a bowl of water and we looked at his woonds, he didn't have anything that was horrible, nothing really really deep. Which is good, Nicole didn't look at Popeye, but I doubt he had much, Ripley only was holding onto his sholder skin, Popeye was biting Ripleys neck so he has some stuff there, but he was pretty much okay.
Okay, now for all the stupid shit I did on 2004, and all the smart shit... haha this will be interesting...
Stupid:
lied to a cop
smoked (not really stupid, but still...)
started cutting
dated Spenser
liked Peter
tried to kill myself (more than once, im a dumb fuck...)
got mad at Danny for dating Peter (im really sorry Danny, I should have been happy for you and I put my feelings and everything before our friendship...)
broke promises (i try not to... but... sometimes... it just happens)
Smart (haha.. me smart... right):
Dated Dani (best thing i did all year i think)
stopped cutting
helped Kathleen stop somt stuff (Kath... =\ )
found out i was bi (haha I kiss girls, go me!!)
joined bi/les communities on LJ (helped ALOT)
got new friends who were gay
joined the GSA at school
got shit faced drunk (i dont care if you dont like it... it was fuckin FUN)
Became friends with the following (this will take alot of thinking...):
Kathleen
Jojo
Katie
KT
Dani
Amanda
Andrea
Jennifer (idk if it was 2003, or 2004... but ill guess 2004)
Danny
Laur
Rosemary
Rebecca
Olivia
Sharlie
Anthony
Mindee
Evan
Ashley
Briana
(and others that I'm to tired to remember, but if I met you in 2004, you belong on the list!)
Okay, I think I'm done. I know it was long, there was just some stuff I needed to talk about and everything, and starting tomorrow, I think I'm going to make my LJ friends only, someone keeps posting shit in my lj but they aren't signed in and everything, so idk who it is. I'm tired of people posting shit, so it will be friends only, if anyone can make me a FO banner it would be greatly appricated.
Love ya'll! muah!!
<3<3