wow...
i've been through so fucking much this past week, it's just unreal. i feel so physically and mentally exhausted. i honestly can't even explain it.
and the new paul...and i say new because he's medicated now...is so different. it's more different even then when we first got together....
i swear to god i know i sound insane...but i'm not sure how i feel about this. we don't fight...at all, anymore. i mean i've become so used to us fighting that i'm actually WAITING to fight....and we haven't. and he keeps telling me how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me. it's actually scary.
i can only say this here, because if i say it outloud, i'll lose it....
i'm scared to death that i can't love him like this....what if i've become too used to the "sick" side of him...oh my god....i can't believe i'm even having these thoughts.
and the new paul...and i say new because he's medicated now...is so different. it's more different even then when we first got together....
i swear to god i know i sound insane...but i'm not sure how i feel about this. we don't fight...at all, anymore. i mean i've become so used to us fighting that i'm actually WAITING to fight....and we haven't. and he keeps telling me how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me. it's actually scary.
i can only say this here, because if i say it outloud, i'll lose it....
i'm scared to death that i can't love him like this....what if i've become too used to the "sick" side of him...oh my god....i can't believe i'm even having these thoughts.