Sherlock Holmes - A Small Matter of Ownership
Title: A Small Matter of Ownership
Word Count: 528
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Holmes, Mary, implied Holmes/Watson (you'll see)
Spoilers: Only for some old theory...
Warnings: The deliberate and willful warping of psychoanalytic theory.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine.
Notes: This is anna_bm 's fault. Please do not take it as an accurate rendering of Freudian psychoanalysis. Also, please pretend that Freud was around earlier than he actually was. Or pretend that Mary was around later. Whichever.
“I apologise, Miss Morstan, but I simply cannot allow it.” Holmes folded his arms smugly and leaned back in his chair.
“I don't think...that is, you have no business allowing or disallowing it, Mr. Holmes. You may be John's friend, but you are not his keeper.”
“Well, that is open for interpretation. No, please,” Holmes held up a hand as Mary opened her mouth to speak., “allow me to explain, and I am certain you will see what I am getting at.”
More morbidly curious about what mad idea the detective had come up with than truly willing to concede his apparent claim on her fiancé, Mary sat back calmly to listen. If nothing else, it might give her some insight into the mind of a man who was more likely than not about to become a constant presence in her life.
“Good,” Holmes smiled like a cat who'd just swallowed the canary, “now, first, I need you to concede a rather important point, which I'm sure you will be happy to.”
“Go on, then.”
“Right, well, it seems to me that many people, yourself included, I'm sure, would agree that Watson serves, in addition to flatmate and stalwart companion, as something of a moral guide for me. A conscience, if you will.”
“I will concede your point, as I have seen as much myself. But I cannot see how that affects your argument.”
“Ah, but, my dear, it is the very crux of it. I am certain that you are not familiar with psychoanalytical theory, but it isn't especially complex as regards myself and the good doctor.”
“Oh yes? And what exactly does this theory state?”
“If you will concede that Watson is my conscience, then it follows that in psychoanalytical terms, he takes the place of the superego which I obviously lack - the superego being roughly equivalent to a conscience, you see. Now, you will see that I am deadly serious here, for I am about to declare myself psychologically female - I am sure you see the implications for my lifestyle in this case.”
“I do.”
“Splendid. So, the theory goes that everyone must go through what is referred to as an Oedipal journey - I shan't shock you with the gory details of such, but suffice it to say that it is by this process that one develops a superego. Women are incapable of successfully completing this journey, since they cannot gain the, uh, necessary equipment. Therefore, they must attach themselves to a suitable man, and have him serve the purpose of superego. As we have already established, Watson serves that purpose for me.”
“Your logic seems reasonable, Mr. Holmes, if one assumes that what you have said is the truth, but I still fail to see what it has to do with my marrying him.”
“Oh, that part is quite simple, Miss Morstan,” Holmes grinned broadly, “you see, the necessary equipment to which I referred earlier - Watson's...manhood, to put is as delicately as I can, is mine. And I am not willing to share.”
Word Count: 528
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Holmes, Mary, implied Holmes/Watson (you'll see)
Spoilers: Only for some old theory...
Warnings: The deliberate and willful warping of psychoanalytic theory.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine.
Notes: This is anna_bm 's fault. Please do not take it as an accurate rendering of Freudian psychoanalysis. Also, please pretend that Freud was around earlier than he actually was. Or pretend that Mary was around later. Whichever.
“I apologise, Miss Morstan, but I simply cannot allow it.” Holmes folded his arms smugly and leaned back in his chair.
“I don't think...that is, you have no business allowing or disallowing it, Mr. Holmes. You may be John's friend, but you are not his keeper.”
“Well, that is open for interpretation. No, please,” Holmes held up a hand as Mary opened her mouth to speak., “allow me to explain, and I am certain you will see what I am getting at.”
More morbidly curious about what mad idea the detective had come up with than truly willing to concede his apparent claim on her fiancé, Mary sat back calmly to listen. If nothing else, it might give her some insight into the mind of a man who was more likely than not about to become a constant presence in her life.
“Good,” Holmes smiled like a cat who'd just swallowed the canary, “now, first, I need you to concede a rather important point, which I'm sure you will be happy to.”
“Go on, then.”
“Right, well, it seems to me that many people, yourself included, I'm sure, would agree that Watson serves, in addition to flatmate and stalwart companion, as something of a moral guide for me. A conscience, if you will.”
“I will concede your point, as I have seen as much myself. But I cannot see how that affects your argument.”
“Ah, but, my dear, it is the very crux of it. I am certain that you are not familiar with psychoanalytical theory, but it isn't especially complex as regards myself and the good doctor.”
“Oh yes? And what exactly does this theory state?”
“If you will concede that Watson is my conscience, then it follows that in psychoanalytical terms, he takes the place of the superego which I obviously lack - the superego being roughly equivalent to a conscience, you see. Now, you will see that I am deadly serious here, for I am about to declare myself psychologically female - I am sure you see the implications for my lifestyle in this case.”
“I do.”
“Splendid. So, the theory goes that everyone must go through what is referred to as an Oedipal journey - I shan't shock you with the gory details of such, but suffice it to say that it is by this process that one develops a superego. Women are incapable of successfully completing this journey, since they cannot gain the, uh, necessary equipment. Therefore, they must attach themselves to a suitable man, and have him serve the purpose of superego. As we have already established, Watson serves that purpose for me.”
“Your logic seems reasonable, Mr. Holmes, if one assumes that what you have said is the truth, but I still fail to see what it has to do with my marrying him.”
“Oh, that part is quite simple, Miss Morstan,” Holmes grinned broadly, “you see, the necessary equipment to which I referred earlier - Watson's...manhood, to put is as delicately as I can, is mine. And I am not willing to share.”