Sherlock Holmes - Confessions and Reparations
Title: Confessions and Reparations
Author: ladylovelace
Rating: NC-17
Pairing/Characters: Holmes/Victor Trevor
Disclaimer: I could not have invented this madness if I tried.
Summary: Victor has things to tell Holmes, and an apology to make.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Graphic-ish Sex
Word Count: 2000
Author's Notes: I have no idea why this one took so long, but I do sincerely apologise. beeinmybonnet is still responsible for Victor, which is an honour I do not envy in the least.
Back to Unconditional.
After washing and dressing with a decided lack of enthusiasm, Victor went to search for his friend, fully aware that he'd been told not to, but not willing to give up just yet. Holmes, though, was no-where to be found in the house.
Victor didn't start panicking until the first clap of thunder. He was out the door by the time the rain started coming down in sheets, praying that Holmes hadn't been standing in the middle of an open field when it started.
He found him after searching for half an hour, soaked through and shivering under the canopy of an ancient oak tree. Shedding his coat without a second thought, he wrapped it around his friend as the closest thing he could do to hugging him safely. Holmes glared half-heartedly and shivered violently; something tugged at the back of Victor's mind that said it was better than not shivering, but he couldn't place it.
“Do you remember the last time we got caught in the rain?” He smiled shyly.
Holmes nodded, and sank to the ground by the trunk of the tree, looking up at Victor balefully and almost apologetically. It might have been that he was simply sorry for himself, but Victor was happy to take the implied invitation, and sat down next to him.
“It seemed much simpler then.” Holmes spoke up after a long pause, and it took Victor a second to remember what he might be replying to.
“If it makes you feel better, it was the most complicated thing I'd ever done.”
The snort of laughter was unexpected. “Oh yes, Victor Trevor, man of worldly experience, found it difficult to bestow the world's most chaste kiss on his new friend.” Holmes looked away again.
“Yes,” Victor continued past the inexplicable hostility, “because it was the first time I wasn't sure I would be well received. And the first time I'd wanted to kiss someone just to touch them. I was already in love with you then.”
“I do not doubt that you love me, Victor. But it is the love of a friend, a brother, even. And I understand that now, I just wish you'd told me.”
“I've never had a brother, but I sincerely hope yours doesn't want to do to you what we were just doing.”
Holmes wrinkled his nose, and Victor only just stopped himself from giggling at how adorable it was. “I am very fond my brother, but I am not in any way attracted to him. I should think you wouldn't be either.”
“I suspect it would be a step in the wrong direction to betray you with your own brother, yes.” Victor nodded seriously.
“That's not what I meant, but it is a good point.” Holmes turned to smile at Victor, and then a second later looked completely lost, “why can't it always be like this?”
“It can, if you just tell me what went wrong. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.”
A faint blush appeared over Holmes' cheeks, and he opened his mouth a few times before apparently making a decision on what he was going to say. “It hurt to see you miles away when you were with me. I had hoped, foolishly I suppose, that I might be enough.”
“You are enough. More than enough,” Victor hurried to reassure his friend, while he realised with nothing short of horror what he'd done, “I am afraid it was a case of continuing a bad habit. Can I tell you something? Something personal?”
Holmes nodded, and looked to Victor with wide eyes, hopeful that he was about to provide a perfect explanation.
“My first time was with my Greek tutor. No comments on the overtly clichéd aspect of my life, please,” he smiled gently, “and I enjoyed being with him, and I really did think there was a measure of affection between us. Until I found out that it was me and a dozen other select individuals. Most embarrassing dinner of my life. The point is that after that, I realised that sex wasn't as frightening and weighty as I had always been led to believe. Additionally, I truly enjoyed it, with great enthusiasm. And while I'm being completely honest, I was hurt. So for a while, I didn't care about partners. Just about reaching release, and making sure I was courteous enough that if ever it came to it, I would be considered worth having again. It didn't take long for it to spiral downhill from there.”
Victor felt his hand being squeezed and smiled gently at his friend, squeezing back. “Eventually, I came to realise that I could keep a group of people around me simply by opening my legs without complaint. By that time I had stopped enjoying sex for itself, and I got used to going to other places in my mind. You must believe me when I tell you that I never intended to do the same with you. In fact, I believe I was fantasising about you while I had the real thing, which shows very nicely my immense stupidity.”
“I don't think you're stupid.” Holmes replied quietly.
“Thank you. I'm not offering this as an excuse, just an explanation. I don't want you to think yourself undesirable, given how far that is from the reality of the matter. Even taking only your physical attributes into account, there would be an impressive line of people begging for your favour. Musgrave, for example.” Victor finished with a hint of dark humour.
“He is terribly boring. Painfully so, actually. You are in no danger of losing me to him, of all people.”
“That almost sounded as though you're suggesting that I am not losing you over this, either.”
“No, no, you won't lose me over this.” He sounded distant, but Victor melted with relief and sank back into the trunk of the tree.
Holmes hummed, and stared out into the rain. Victor decided he might as well do the same, since the conversation was clearly over. He was just thinking that the dark shape in the distance was probably the house when he ended up with a lapful of very damp Holmes, who proceeded to press against him and drape Victor's coat over both of them. “I decided I'd miss you if you froze to death.”
Victor sighed softly and put his arms around Holmes underneath the coat, causing him to arch his back against the cold. “Sorry.”
“Don't be.” Holmes settled himself closer and rested his head on Victor's shoulder, his breath tickling at the short hairs on the back of his neck. “This feels right.”
“I agree.” Victor reclined further so he could take more of Holmes' weight. “We're going to get stuck together like this, you know.” He picked at Holmes' soaked shirt in one of the places they were plastered together.
Holmes shrugged. “The company would be excellent.” He kissed Victor's neck very softly and wriggled again. “Can I repay your story with one of my own?”
“You can always tell me anything. Always.”
“I hope so.” Holmes shifted and rested his nose against Victor's, and looked straight into his eyes. “You are the first person I've ever thought about while I... you know.” He blushed, and Victor nodded slightly and smiled to show that he knew what Holmes meant.
“I'm honoured,” Victor whispered, “I've thought about you as well, you know.”
There was a soft gasp, and Victor felt the light touch of Holmes' lips to his. Still unsure of how forgiven he was, Victor didn't move a muscle as far as he was able to. “Am I allowed to touch you?”
“Always, please.” Victor breathed into Holmes' mouth.
Holmes splayed a hand over the centre of his friend's chest, feeling and pressing subtly before sliding it down lower to rest on his stomach, thumb toying with his waistband. “Down here?”
Victor whined and shifted, unsure whether he should trust the majority of his mind that was threatening rebellion if he didn't say 'yes', or the part that thought he didn't deserve this, and it would only make it worse.
“Please,” Holmes whispered in his ear, “I want you to think of me.”
Victor whined and then nodded, deciding that he didn't care what he did or did not deserve, and if this was going to be his only chance he was damned well going to take it. “Touch me anywhere you like. I'm already yours.”
There was a pause in which neither man breathed, and then slowly and with infinite care, Holmes slid his hand down to the front of Victor's trousers, where he was already straining at the buttons. Victor drew a shuddering breath and did everything he could not to move, which only caused his whole body to tremble.
“I won't hurt you.” Holmes stroked gently.
“I'm more afraid that I'll hurt you.” Victor shut his eyes tightly and knocked his head against the tree-trunk, which only made Holmes press harder against him.
“Think of me. Please.” Holmes whispered in Victor's ear, his breath making the hairs on his friend's neck stand on end.
With all of the concentration he could gather, Victor slid his hands down to Holmes' hips and pulled him flush against his belly. Holmes thankfully had the presence of mind to move his hand out of the way, and Victor squirmed to feel his friend's - no, his lover's - erection pressed against him through the thin cotton of his still-wet shirt, close enough to feel a little extra warmth. He opened his eyes and focused on looking Holmes straight in the eyes. “I do nothing but think about you.”
Holmes moaned a little brokenly, and shifted his hips forward a little. “Will this work?”
“This will work. Keep going.” Victor kissed along Holmes' neck softly as the other man settled into a rhythm, and began rocking with him once he'd found it.
“Victor?”
“Sherlock, oh God. You feel so good. Warm and gentle and loving. I'm afraid I'm going to be embarrassingly quick this time.” He stuttered between thrusts and kisses.
“This is how I imagined it.” Holmes replied quietly.
“Why didn't you tell me? I would have done anything for you.”
“Everyone else makes demands of you. I love you.” Holmes spoke almost inaudibly, but Victor heard him clearly enough to finish with a low groan at that. Upon realising that Victor had come, Holmes started rutting desperately against him, whining and struggling towards release.
“I love you,” Victor whispered as he kissed the hollow of his throat lazily where Holmes' shirt had either come open or never been closed, he couldn't remember anyway, “more than anything. I love you and I want you and I'll never let you go.”
“Victor, please,” Holmes whined, “please, I need something, anything, I can't...”
In a moment of sheer panic brought on by Holmes' distress, Victor defaulted to something he'd been instructed to do to help a lifetime ago, and bit down hard on the soft part of Holmes' neck. Holmes stilled completely for a moment, and then melted against him as though he were a puppet with cut strings.
They both panted, out of breath for a moment, before Holmes spoke up again. “You bit me.” He accused.
“You enjoyed it, clearly. Sometimes a little pain helps to tip you over the edge. I won't do it again.” Victor answered a little dazedly.
“We'll see.” He settled his head against Victor's chest and closed his eyes. “Wake me when the rain ends.”
“I'll look after you.” Victor kissed the forehead of the man who could certainly be called his lover now with as much love and tenderness as he possessed.
“I know.”
On to An Unwelcome Visitor
Author: ladylovelace
Rating: NC-17
Pairing/Characters: Holmes/Victor Trevor
Disclaimer: I could not have invented this madness if I tried.
Summary: Victor has things to tell Holmes, and an apology to make.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Graphic-ish Sex
Word Count: 2000
Author's Notes: I have no idea why this one took so long, but I do sincerely apologise. beeinmybonnet is still responsible for Victor, which is an honour I do not envy in the least.
Back to Unconditional.
After washing and dressing with a decided lack of enthusiasm, Victor went to search for his friend, fully aware that he'd been told not to, but not willing to give up just yet. Holmes, though, was no-where to be found in the house.
Victor didn't start panicking until the first clap of thunder. He was out the door by the time the rain started coming down in sheets, praying that Holmes hadn't been standing in the middle of an open field when it started.
He found him after searching for half an hour, soaked through and shivering under the canopy of an ancient oak tree. Shedding his coat without a second thought, he wrapped it around his friend as the closest thing he could do to hugging him safely. Holmes glared half-heartedly and shivered violently; something tugged at the back of Victor's mind that said it was better than not shivering, but he couldn't place it.
“Do you remember the last time we got caught in the rain?” He smiled shyly.
Holmes nodded, and sank to the ground by the trunk of the tree, looking up at Victor balefully and almost apologetically. It might have been that he was simply sorry for himself, but Victor was happy to take the implied invitation, and sat down next to him.
“It seemed much simpler then.” Holmes spoke up after a long pause, and it took Victor a second to remember what he might be replying to.
“If it makes you feel better, it was the most complicated thing I'd ever done.”
The snort of laughter was unexpected. “Oh yes, Victor Trevor, man of worldly experience, found it difficult to bestow the world's most chaste kiss on his new friend.” Holmes looked away again.
“Yes,” Victor continued past the inexplicable hostility, “because it was the first time I wasn't sure I would be well received. And the first time I'd wanted to kiss someone just to touch them. I was already in love with you then.”
“I do not doubt that you love me, Victor. But it is the love of a friend, a brother, even. And I understand that now, I just wish you'd told me.”
“I've never had a brother, but I sincerely hope yours doesn't want to do to you what we were just doing.”
Holmes wrinkled his nose, and Victor only just stopped himself from giggling at how adorable it was. “I am very fond my brother, but I am not in any way attracted to him. I should think you wouldn't be either.”
“I suspect it would be a step in the wrong direction to betray you with your own brother, yes.” Victor nodded seriously.
“That's not what I meant, but it is a good point.” Holmes turned to smile at Victor, and then a second later looked completely lost, “why can't it always be like this?”
“It can, if you just tell me what went wrong. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.”
A faint blush appeared over Holmes' cheeks, and he opened his mouth a few times before apparently making a decision on what he was going to say. “It hurt to see you miles away when you were with me. I had hoped, foolishly I suppose, that I might be enough.”
“You are enough. More than enough,” Victor hurried to reassure his friend, while he realised with nothing short of horror what he'd done, “I am afraid it was a case of continuing a bad habit. Can I tell you something? Something personal?”
Holmes nodded, and looked to Victor with wide eyes, hopeful that he was about to provide a perfect explanation.
“My first time was with my Greek tutor. No comments on the overtly clichéd aspect of my life, please,” he smiled gently, “and I enjoyed being with him, and I really did think there was a measure of affection between us. Until I found out that it was me and a dozen other select individuals. Most embarrassing dinner of my life. The point is that after that, I realised that sex wasn't as frightening and weighty as I had always been led to believe. Additionally, I truly enjoyed it, with great enthusiasm. And while I'm being completely honest, I was hurt. So for a while, I didn't care about partners. Just about reaching release, and making sure I was courteous enough that if ever it came to it, I would be considered worth having again. It didn't take long for it to spiral downhill from there.”
Victor felt his hand being squeezed and smiled gently at his friend, squeezing back. “Eventually, I came to realise that I could keep a group of people around me simply by opening my legs without complaint. By that time I had stopped enjoying sex for itself, and I got used to going to other places in my mind. You must believe me when I tell you that I never intended to do the same with you. In fact, I believe I was fantasising about you while I had the real thing, which shows very nicely my immense stupidity.”
“I don't think you're stupid.” Holmes replied quietly.
“Thank you. I'm not offering this as an excuse, just an explanation. I don't want you to think yourself undesirable, given how far that is from the reality of the matter. Even taking only your physical attributes into account, there would be an impressive line of people begging for your favour. Musgrave, for example.” Victor finished with a hint of dark humour.
“He is terribly boring. Painfully so, actually. You are in no danger of losing me to him, of all people.”
“That almost sounded as though you're suggesting that I am not losing you over this, either.”
“No, no, you won't lose me over this.” He sounded distant, but Victor melted with relief and sank back into the trunk of the tree.
Holmes hummed, and stared out into the rain. Victor decided he might as well do the same, since the conversation was clearly over. He was just thinking that the dark shape in the distance was probably the house when he ended up with a lapful of very damp Holmes, who proceeded to press against him and drape Victor's coat over both of them. “I decided I'd miss you if you froze to death.”
Victor sighed softly and put his arms around Holmes underneath the coat, causing him to arch his back against the cold. “Sorry.”
“Don't be.” Holmes settled himself closer and rested his head on Victor's shoulder, his breath tickling at the short hairs on the back of his neck. “This feels right.”
“I agree.” Victor reclined further so he could take more of Holmes' weight. “We're going to get stuck together like this, you know.” He picked at Holmes' soaked shirt in one of the places they were plastered together.
Holmes shrugged. “The company would be excellent.” He kissed Victor's neck very softly and wriggled again. “Can I repay your story with one of my own?”
“You can always tell me anything. Always.”
“I hope so.” Holmes shifted and rested his nose against Victor's, and looked straight into his eyes. “You are the first person I've ever thought about while I... you know.” He blushed, and Victor nodded slightly and smiled to show that he knew what Holmes meant.
“I'm honoured,” Victor whispered, “I've thought about you as well, you know.”
There was a soft gasp, and Victor felt the light touch of Holmes' lips to his. Still unsure of how forgiven he was, Victor didn't move a muscle as far as he was able to. “Am I allowed to touch you?”
“Always, please.” Victor breathed into Holmes' mouth.
Holmes splayed a hand over the centre of his friend's chest, feeling and pressing subtly before sliding it down lower to rest on his stomach, thumb toying with his waistband. “Down here?”
Victor whined and shifted, unsure whether he should trust the majority of his mind that was threatening rebellion if he didn't say 'yes', or the part that thought he didn't deserve this, and it would only make it worse.
“Please,” Holmes whispered in his ear, “I want you to think of me.”
Victor whined and then nodded, deciding that he didn't care what he did or did not deserve, and if this was going to be his only chance he was damned well going to take it. “Touch me anywhere you like. I'm already yours.”
There was a pause in which neither man breathed, and then slowly and with infinite care, Holmes slid his hand down to the front of Victor's trousers, where he was already straining at the buttons. Victor drew a shuddering breath and did everything he could not to move, which only caused his whole body to tremble.
“I won't hurt you.” Holmes stroked gently.
“I'm more afraid that I'll hurt you.” Victor shut his eyes tightly and knocked his head against the tree-trunk, which only made Holmes press harder against him.
“Think of me. Please.” Holmes whispered in Victor's ear, his breath making the hairs on his friend's neck stand on end.
With all of the concentration he could gather, Victor slid his hands down to Holmes' hips and pulled him flush against his belly. Holmes thankfully had the presence of mind to move his hand out of the way, and Victor squirmed to feel his friend's - no, his lover's - erection pressed against him through the thin cotton of his still-wet shirt, close enough to feel a little extra warmth. He opened his eyes and focused on looking Holmes straight in the eyes. “I do nothing but think about you.”
Holmes moaned a little brokenly, and shifted his hips forward a little. “Will this work?”
“This will work. Keep going.” Victor kissed along Holmes' neck softly as the other man settled into a rhythm, and began rocking with him once he'd found it.
“Victor?”
“Sherlock, oh God. You feel so good. Warm and gentle and loving. I'm afraid I'm going to be embarrassingly quick this time.” He stuttered between thrusts and kisses.
“This is how I imagined it.” Holmes replied quietly.
“Why didn't you tell me? I would have done anything for you.”
“Everyone else makes demands of you. I love you.” Holmes spoke almost inaudibly, but Victor heard him clearly enough to finish with a low groan at that. Upon realising that Victor had come, Holmes started rutting desperately against him, whining and struggling towards release.
“I love you,” Victor whispered as he kissed the hollow of his throat lazily where Holmes' shirt had either come open or never been closed, he couldn't remember anyway, “more than anything. I love you and I want you and I'll never let you go.”
“Victor, please,” Holmes whined, “please, I need something, anything, I can't...”
In a moment of sheer panic brought on by Holmes' distress, Victor defaulted to something he'd been instructed to do to help a lifetime ago, and bit down hard on the soft part of Holmes' neck. Holmes stilled completely for a moment, and then melted against him as though he were a puppet with cut strings.
They both panted, out of breath for a moment, before Holmes spoke up again. “You bit me.” He accused.
“You enjoyed it, clearly. Sometimes a little pain helps to tip you over the edge. I won't do it again.” Victor answered a little dazedly.
“We'll see.” He settled his head against Victor's chest and closed his eyes. “Wake me when the rain ends.”
“I'll look after you.” Victor kissed the forehead of the man who could certainly be called his lover now with as much love and tenderness as he possessed.
“I know.”
On to An Unwelcome Visitor