Same as it ever was.... Same as it ever was...
For me this rapid change thing has become very automatic. I've lived in a room about this same size with five different people now. Some of them I feel like I honestly know, and some I feel like I am a stranger to. But moving from house to dorm, dorm to house, to dorm, to house to japan to my car to dorm to house to apartment to dorm to apartment... it almost seems NATURAL.
What I can't believe is that after this summer, I could possibly be living primarily at ONE residence for more than a year. Most likely I'll live on Jeanette for THREE years. I haven't been able to keep still for more than 2 months since I was fourteen....
My teenage years have been permiated with meeting and "getting to know" and getting to not know so many people that ACTUALLY getting close to a person seems weird, and fake sometimes.
Other than Sam, who doesn't really count any more, I don't stay in close contact with anyone for more than year. My entire circle of friends has made an annual one eighty ever since I shipped off to Baylor. 8th grade was all Elena and Brittany Utley, 9th was Clay and freshman hall, 10th was pretty much the class a year younger than me and a lot of alone time, 11th was Jennia and her crew & Sam, 12th was Sam and then Megan, Mary, Mellissa and Naveen, The Summer was the entire country of Japan and Robert, and now at Loyola, my friends now change almost by the month, by the casual boyfriend, by the bar or concert....
In between the semesters of school and the summers I've had best friends in the form of fellow art, shakespeare, or drama campers and the occasional tupeloian.... the HillaryHaleyHenry groups.... the punk kids I looked up to in my sophmore year...
The only constant in my life is my family. The only people I know I can always call are my family members- but there is still so much that they haven't even seen because of me being at Baylor, or another country, or college or any number of places. For obvious reasons, even my family has been hard for me to access at times as well...
I don't even know what I'm trying to say at this point.
Maybe that despite all this- I love having my life this way. I love the way I feel self-reliant and that no one can really let me down. I am the only person I probably make sense to and probably ever will... but that's ok. The more and more stuff that I go through and absorb and learn the harder and harder it is for me to get close to any single person- but this almost works as a defense mechanism in my favor. When I can get close to someone I never have to doubt it- If anyone stays in my life for more than a year or I can come back to someone I knew years ago and it feels right, I know I can trust that person, but then again, I don't have to- Because pretty soon I'll just have to pack up and move again... dorm to house to apartment to country to car...
What I can't believe is that after this summer, I could possibly be living primarily at ONE residence for more than a year. Most likely I'll live on Jeanette for THREE years. I haven't been able to keep still for more than 2 months since I was fourteen....
My teenage years have been permiated with meeting and "getting to know" and getting to not know so many people that ACTUALLY getting close to a person seems weird, and fake sometimes.
Other than Sam, who doesn't really count any more, I don't stay in close contact with anyone for more than year. My entire circle of friends has made an annual one eighty ever since I shipped off to Baylor. 8th grade was all Elena and Brittany Utley, 9th was Clay and freshman hall, 10th was pretty much the class a year younger than me and a lot of alone time, 11th was Jennia and her crew & Sam, 12th was Sam and then Megan, Mary, Mellissa and Naveen, The Summer was the entire country of Japan and Robert, and now at Loyola, my friends now change almost by the month, by the casual boyfriend, by the bar or concert....
In between the semesters of school and the summers I've had best friends in the form of fellow art, shakespeare, or drama campers and the occasional tupeloian.... the HillaryHaleyHenry groups.... the punk kids I looked up to in my sophmore year...
The only constant in my life is my family. The only people I know I can always call are my family members- but there is still so much that they haven't even seen because of me being at Baylor, or another country, or college or any number of places. For obvious reasons, even my family has been hard for me to access at times as well...
I don't even know what I'm trying to say at this point.
Maybe that despite all this- I love having my life this way. I love the way I feel self-reliant and that no one can really let me down. I am the only person I probably make sense to and probably ever will... but that's ok. The more and more stuff that I go through and absorb and learn the harder and harder it is for me to get close to any single person- but this almost works as a defense mechanism in my favor. When I can get close to someone I never have to doubt it- If anyone stays in my life for more than a year or I can come back to someone I knew years ago and it feels right, I know I can trust that person, but then again, I don't have to- Because pretty soon I'll just have to pack up and move again... dorm to house to apartment to country to car...