(no subject)
I've been so lost recently, trying to grasp onto something that I was convinced fit my mold. I've been seeking out comfort where I thought it was hidden only now to realize that the type of solace I was hunting for was an artifical one, a desperate resort. A need to be held again. Thus, I was at fault. I lost sight of my objective, which is to have a balance with someone, a mutual connection which does not consist of my hiding under someone's umbrella. Sure, it's nice to dream, it's nice to be naive, it's nice to be sheltered, but real caring is a separate universe all together. Caring is a mere response when it's asked for, caring does not require white lies or euphemisms, it requires any type of sincere response. The lackthereof has really made me question who is who in my life. Relationships disintegrate easily, a fact that I've always been very aware of, but when a lasting friendship blossoms after such a collapse, one knows that it was real. I am not exculpating myself from the recessive role I played in the relationship. Instead, in an attempt to compensate for wrongfully causing feelings of anger and insufficiency, I tried to salvage the friendship with total honesty. It was to no avail whatsoever and I emerge with no regrets but rather with a heightened knowledge. A strong reminder not to put faith into something that, due to convaluted emotions and thoughts, I thought contained substance.
Know thyself.
Know thyself.