just a draft, but yeah...
Courtney Levesque
Dr. Joyce Cote
Writing 100
18 July 2005
Becoming Who We Are
One very unfortunate, but very real, aspect of life is the inescapable experience of great loss and tragedy. Although everybody must feel this at some point in their lives, not everyone has the same technique of dealing with these feelings of utter frustration and helplessness. Because of a desire to not remember the pain, some people dismiss the issue and distance themselves from every reminder of it. Other people find comfort in being around peers that have experienced the same tragedy because of the understanding of the common thoughts and feelings. But no matter what the situation, it always takes time to be able to talk about what happened, what feelings are floating around, and to ultimately come to peace with the problem.
During discussion in our writing class Caleb shared a story about a car accident that his friend had been the victim of. Caleb was the student late to the first class, and frequently afterwards. He usually wears black cargo pants, a plain t-shirt, and a baseball cap. He seems to feel very strongly on his thoughts and actions, but it appears that he has had hardships in his life that he does not speak of. It’s as if his simple clothing almost contradicts his life. He talked about how he had received a phone call from his friend earlier on in the day but had not had the chance to call her back. As he was driving he came upon an accident only to learn that the car, which was wrapped around the telephone pole, belonged to his friend. Caleb immediately pushed away anyone and anything that reminded him of his friend. Although for many months he felt guilty about not calling her and regretted not being about to say good-bye, after a while Caleb was able to talk about what happened and realized that he could not have done anything to stop the accident from happening. There was no way he could have known it was going to happen.
It is very important for people to realize that they cannot control the losses that they experience in their lives. It is not at all healthy to blame oneself for the loss of a loved one, but it is very common. Many people feel guilty when their lives are struck with sudden tragedy. They cannot handle the thought of their loss and completely shut down. They feel as if their lives will never be normal again. The key to recovering for these people is taking time to realize that they had no control over the situation.
In the spring of 2004, the tiny town of Burrillville was struck with a huge tragedy. The high school lost five students to numerous different causes. Three students were victims of car accidents, one student committed suicide, and one died of a rare blood disease. Somehow the horrifying events only brought the town, especially the high school, closer together as a community. The scent of burning wax and bouquets of flowers filled the air. Swarms of people huddled around the accident sites as if they were bees crowded around a sweet flower. For weeks people placed items of significance to the victims on the ground, and people would just stand there and stare at the candles, flowers, photographs, sports jerseys, crosses, and each other. Most people were crying uncontrollably like a little kid that doesn’t get their way, and other people were using every muscle in their body to fight back the tears. The reality of the flowers was a harsh one. We knew that no matter how many gifts were offered it wouldn’t bring back our friends, but they were still offered. There was still hope that we would all meet again in the afterlife, whatever we believed that to be.
During the summer various memorial services were held for the five victims. There was about a month of crying and questions that were impossible to answer. After so much crying it is not possible to cry anymore, physically or emotionally. There comes a time when one’s eyes are so heavy that they just have to be closed, and the body aches with exhaustion to the point of much needed rest and relaxation. In a time of such great loss it is very hard to let oneself rest, but it is absolutely necessary for the healing process. So, the rest of the summer and all of senior year were about being with friends and living life to the fullest, never knowing if there would be a tomorrow.
Not to say that people didn’t think about the friends they had lost, but nobody really talked much about what had happened. We were all about applying to college, being accepted to college, applying for scholarships, working, going out, campfires, being happy. Many more laughs were heard than tears were shed.
Senior Awards Nights was no different. Everybody was dressed up and excited to see what awards and scholarships they had won. At first everyone was smiling and having a good time, but when the memorial scholarships were being presented one after another, and they just kept coming and coming like a line of rapid fire, there was not a dry eye in the auditorium. Nobody said anything, but we could see the pain in each other’s faces. It was not hard to notice the tightening of the jaw, the squinting of the eyes, the wrinkled brow, and most of all, that pale blank stare. We all knew. We were fully aware that even though we hadn’t publicly acknowledged the tragedy very often, it was still very much alive in all of us. It was always in the back of our minds, just waiting to be let out. After a year had passed we could talk about it, but not without great emotional toll.
After experiencing great loss, the feelings of despair, grief, and extreme hurt do not disappear, but they do become lesser. They do grow smaller and smaller, but there is no telling how long it will take. As the band Green Day expresses in their song “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” it sometimes seems as though these discouraging feelings will always linger.
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in pain again
Becoming who we are
(American Idiot)
Dr. Joyce Cote
Writing 100
18 July 2005
Becoming Who We Are
One very unfortunate, but very real, aspect of life is the inescapable experience of great loss and tragedy. Although everybody must feel this at some point in their lives, not everyone has the same technique of dealing with these feelings of utter frustration and helplessness. Because of a desire to not remember the pain, some people dismiss the issue and distance themselves from every reminder of it. Other people find comfort in being around peers that have experienced the same tragedy because of the understanding of the common thoughts and feelings. But no matter what the situation, it always takes time to be able to talk about what happened, what feelings are floating around, and to ultimately come to peace with the problem.
During discussion in our writing class Caleb shared a story about a car accident that his friend had been the victim of. Caleb was the student late to the first class, and frequently afterwards. He usually wears black cargo pants, a plain t-shirt, and a baseball cap. He seems to feel very strongly on his thoughts and actions, but it appears that he has had hardships in his life that he does not speak of. It’s as if his simple clothing almost contradicts his life. He talked about how he had received a phone call from his friend earlier on in the day but had not had the chance to call her back. As he was driving he came upon an accident only to learn that the car, which was wrapped around the telephone pole, belonged to his friend. Caleb immediately pushed away anyone and anything that reminded him of his friend. Although for many months he felt guilty about not calling her and regretted not being about to say good-bye, after a while Caleb was able to talk about what happened and realized that he could not have done anything to stop the accident from happening. There was no way he could have known it was going to happen.
It is very important for people to realize that they cannot control the losses that they experience in their lives. It is not at all healthy to blame oneself for the loss of a loved one, but it is very common. Many people feel guilty when their lives are struck with sudden tragedy. They cannot handle the thought of their loss and completely shut down. They feel as if their lives will never be normal again. The key to recovering for these people is taking time to realize that they had no control over the situation.
In the spring of 2004, the tiny town of Burrillville was struck with a huge tragedy. The high school lost five students to numerous different causes. Three students were victims of car accidents, one student committed suicide, and one died of a rare blood disease. Somehow the horrifying events only brought the town, especially the high school, closer together as a community. The scent of burning wax and bouquets of flowers filled the air. Swarms of people huddled around the accident sites as if they were bees crowded around a sweet flower. For weeks people placed items of significance to the victims on the ground, and people would just stand there and stare at the candles, flowers, photographs, sports jerseys, crosses, and each other. Most people were crying uncontrollably like a little kid that doesn’t get their way, and other people were using every muscle in their body to fight back the tears. The reality of the flowers was a harsh one. We knew that no matter how many gifts were offered it wouldn’t bring back our friends, but they were still offered. There was still hope that we would all meet again in the afterlife, whatever we believed that to be.
During the summer various memorial services were held for the five victims. There was about a month of crying and questions that were impossible to answer. After so much crying it is not possible to cry anymore, physically or emotionally. There comes a time when one’s eyes are so heavy that they just have to be closed, and the body aches with exhaustion to the point of much needed rest and relaxation. In a time of such great loss it is very hard to let oneself rest, but it is absolutely necessary for the healing process. So, the rest of the summer and all of senior year were about being with friends and living life to the fullest, never knowing if there would be a tomorrow.
Not to say that people didn’t think about the friends they had lost, but nobody really talked much about what had happened. We were all about applying to college, being accepted to college, applying for scholarships, working, going out, campfires, being happy. Many more laughs were heard than tears were shed.
Senior Awards Nights was no different. Everybody was dressed up and excited to see what awards and scholarships they had won. At first everyone was smiling and having a good time, but when the memorial scholarships were being presented one after another, and they just kept coming and coming like a line of rapid fire, there was not a dry eye in the auditorium. Nobody said anything, but we could see the pain in each other’s faces. It was not hard to notice the tightening of the jaw, the squinting of the eyes, the wrinkled brow, and most of all, that pale blank stare. We all knew. We were fully aware that even though we hadn’t publicly acknowledged the tragedy very often, it was still very much alive in all of us. It was always in the back of our minds, just waiting to be let out. After a year had passed we could talk about it, but not without great emotional toll.
After experiencing great loss, the feelings of despair, grief, and extreme hurt do not disappear, but they do become lesser. They do grow smaller and smaller, but there is no telling how long it will take. As the band Green Day expresses in their song “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” it sometimes seems as though these discouraging feelings will always linger.
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in pain again
Becoming who we are
(American Idiot)