(no subject)
I can't believe my life is changing with the speed of the light.. Two weeks ago I was miserably fucking Pedazhur on my little Harlem bed.. Today I'm sitting here at Starbucks in LA, waiting for Ryan (Ryan!) to finish work and pick me up. And i thought this guy was a total no-no.. I remember even sending him a message that I love him, after which Hakan broke my computer and kicked me out of the house three years ago. And here he is, this guy, like a brand-new one.. Offered me to move in with him and actually pays for me in a bar.. What do you cal this? magic honey works or am i just day-dreaming?New York reality hit me so hard that I couldn't even stay there for a week and secretly flew back to LA. Girls are upset at me because i left them and my new apartment in NY. Boys are upset about Ryan's name and face all over my Facebook.. First time in my life I actually don't mind everybody seeing the guy that I'm seeing and actually quite enjoy posting pictures with him. Is this another love of my life or just a short affair to take Pedya out of my system? I don't see Ryan as a perfect blessing anymore, I see his fat belly and hair on his armpits every morning when i wake up. He is no God, just like Maks, Pedya or any other guy in my life. Every guy I used to worship does not seem that worthy and even becomes annoying after the right period of time. The only thing I need to learn from my experiences is to love myself and enjoy the things I actually enjoy doing. So far I'm enjoying nice May weather of LA, beautiful lots of free time that i can enjoy and great sex. I canceled Vegas and Oscar, not sure if that was the right thing to do but anyways..