Hard Path
There are a lot of easy jobs out there. Jobs that would have me quietly working from 9-5, indoors, making around $37,000 a year. Jobs that I could get. These past few months since leaving Bruce's farm, I've worked at a hotel which, while not a 9-5 job, has lulled me into a sense of complacency at work. Sure the boss can be a handful, and I sure get sick of her telling me what I should and should not eat, and the occasional back-to-back shifts that leave me sleeping at the hotel are annoying, but its better than not having the option of sleeping over.
A year ago I was on the road toward a career in horses. Riding, training, maybe riding races were all possibilities. Then I got burnt out working with Bruce. Forced to work extra hours, unpaid, working while sick, being berated on a constant, daily basis and not paid enough to bear it. Constantly unappreciated and my abilities ignored, when I left that farm, I was not eager to put myself in another 6-7 days a week job with another crotchety farm owner.
Months have gone by and James and I are nearing the end of our current lease. We can't really afford to keep living out here without me getting a better paying job, and he has been patiently suffering a one to one and a half hour commute to work for three months now. I want to move closer to his work, cut down on his commute, and see if we can't save some money in a better rental situation, and so does he. The only downfall to that plan is that every bit closer we move toward Philly, the farther we move away from horses. I have a horse I've been working with over the winter, and his owner wants to step up the training this spring, try to have him ready to race in the fall. He's well connected, the owner, and could hook me up with a job at any of the local race tracks. But if we move away, it would be unpractical.
I want James and I to get to a financially stable and sustainable place. Saving on rent and me looking for one of those $35k+ jobs would go a long way in that. If we moved to the city, I could definitely pick up an Administrative Assistant job and put us in a place to save up for a house and financial independence, while talking wistfully to coworkers about "back when" I felt the wind and mud in my face flying down the countryside on horseback at 40 miles per hour.
Was talking to my horse's owner yesterday, and mentioned moving to Philly, and he sympathized with me that it pretty much sucked, moving from the horses (not to mention, his horse). But then it occurred to him that Philadelphia Park would be close by, and hey, "That's where all the GOLD is, Bonnie." So now he wants to take a road trip with me to Philly Park and introduce me to some people, help me get my foot in the door there. Honestly, I couldn't be more grateful to what he's willing to do to help me succeed. He not only wants to see me working with horses. He wants to see me race.
So now the question, do I trade in my weekends, my paid vacation, my free time, my time with my husband and my own horses, to work a tireless job? Horses eat, shit, and run every day. I would be up at 3 or 4AM every day, out to the track, hopefully riding by 6AM. If I live the life of an exercise rider, I could walk away from work by 11AM or Noon every day, and make a decent living if I got enough mounts. But if I want to be a Jockey, it's exercise horses from 6-11AM, study the racing program, fight for mounts, and if I get any, be in the Jock's room all day except for twice every hour when I'm breaking from a gate at 40 miles per hour, fighting to make an extra buck. I'd be lucky if I only put in a twelve hour day. And there would be no vacation, no breaks, until the winter.
I don't want to look back and be heartsick, missing what could have been, and I know nothing worth doing is ever easy. Part of me wants to dive back into the racing world, to be possibly worn out and broken by the same twelve hundred pound animals I love, while likely being underpaid. Or worse, fail. To not win races, or even be the quality rider I need to be. Part of me wants to work a simple job, live a simple life, and enjoy my time with my husband and my own animals. Howard won't give up on me. He is determined to make me a jockey and is very vocal about it.
I don't want to disappoint Howard; I don't want to disappoint myself. But, what do I do? I won't be able to make jockey weight forever. So I feel like it's something I have to decide soon. Very soon.
A year ago I was on the road toward a career in horses. Riding, training, maybe riding races were all possibilities. Then I got burnt out working with Bruce. Forced to work extra hours, unpaid, working while sick, being berated on a constant, daily basis and not paid enough to bear it. Constantly unappreciated and my abilities ignored, when I left that farm, I was not eager to put myself in another 6-7 days a week job with another crotchety farm owner.
Months have gone by and James and I are nearing the end of our current lease. We can't really afford to keep living out here without me getting a better paying job, and he has been patiently suffering a one to one and a half hour commute to work for three months now. I want to move closer to his work, cut down on his commute, and see if we can't save some money in a better rental situation, and so does he. The only downfall to that plan is that every bit closer we move toward Philly, the farther we move away from horses. I have a horse I've been working with over the winter, and his owner wants to step up the training this spring, try to have him ready to race in the fall. He's well connected, the owner, and could hook me up with a job at any of the local race tracks. But if we move away, it would be unpractical.
I want James and I to get to a financially stable and sustainable place. Saving on rent and me looking for one of those $35k+ jobs would go a long way in that. If we moved to the city, I could definitely pick up an Administrative Assistant job and put us in a place to save up for a house and financial independence, while talking wistfully to coworkers about "back when" I felt the wind and mud in my face flying down the countryside on horseback at 40 miles per hour.
Was talking to my horse's owner yesterday, and mentioned moving to Philly, and he sympathized with me that it pretty much sucked, moving from the horses (not to mention, his horse). But then it occurred to him that Philadelphia Park would be close by, and hey, "That's where all the GOLD is, Bonnie." So now he wants to take a road trip with me to Philly Park and introduce me to some people, help me get my foot in the door there. Honestly, I couldn't be more grateful to what he's willing to do to help me succeed. He not only wants to see me working with horses. He wants to see me race.
So now the question, do I trade in my weekends, my paid vacation, my free time, my time with my husband and my own horses, to work a tireless job? Horses eat, shit, and run every day. I would be up at 3 or 4AM every day, out to the track, hopefully riding by 6AM. If I live the life of an exercise rider, I could walk away from work by 11AM or Noon every day, and make a decent living if I got enough mounts. But if I want to be a Jockey, it's exercise horses from 6-11AM, study the racing program, fight for mounts, and if I get any, be in the Jock's room all day except for twice every hour when I'm breaking from a gate at 40 miles per hour, fighting to make an extra buck. I'd be lucky if I only put in a twelve hour day. And there would be no vacation, no breaks, until the winter.
I don't want to look back and be heartsick, missing what could have been, and I know nothing worth doing is ever easy. Part of me wants to dive back into the racing world, to be possibly worn out and broken by the same twelve hundred pound animals I love, while likely being underpaid. Or worse, fail. To not win races, or even be the quality rider I need to be. Part of me wants to work a simple job, live a simple life, and enjoy my time with my husband and my own animals. Howard won't give up on me. He is determined to make me a jockey and is very vocal about it.
I don't want to disappoint Howard; I don't want to disappoint myself. But, what do I do? I won't be able to make jockey weight forever. So I feel like it's something I have to decide soon. Very soon.