Tarot Thoughts
I did some rummaging in some semi-unpacked boxes recently and stumbled upon my celtic dragon tarot deck. I spent some time skimming over them and enjoying the art and tonight I decided to do a reading or two for myself to try and sort through some chaotic thoughts of mine.
I haven't done a lot of readings, especially not for anyone else. When I do one for myself it involves a lot of reading through the book that came with the deck and slow pondering and I definitely wouldn't want to put anyone else through that, though it allows me to do some thinking.
I did a general reading first which unsurprisingly focused on how I was in an oppressive and draining situation, having trouble deciding whether or not to break away. It seemed to imply breaking away would ultimately lead me down better paths as far as my mental and emotional health go, especially with a warm, positive male influence in my life, but that the act of leaving my current situation would be painful and reminiscent of failure. Which, after being so pumped up and excited about this job, to admit to family and friends it turned out nothing like expected, would feel just like that.
I did a second goal-oriented reading to attempt to see if my time and energy is at least being spent in a way that will lead to a fulfilling career or at least toward my career oriented goals (training horses, perhaps specifically thoroughbreds). This one was riddled with conflict, seeming to imply a desire to change from my current path but a reluctance to commit to either leaving OR staying. There were a lot of imbalanced factors and relationships that aren't helping me progress and the potential end result of catastrophe if I stay on this path. Though with all the conflict and confusion I don't know if that means catastrophe if I stay in this frustrating situation with Bruce, or catastrophe if I don't stop fighting with myself and make a decision about leaving Bruce.
Oh, life, why must you be so complicated?
On a side note, I missed all these pretty dragons. Even if all they did for me tonight was reaffirm that I'm in a conflicted state right now, getting to play with them again is at least a little refreshing.
I haven't done a lot of readings, especially not for anyone else. When I do one for myself it involves a lot of reading through the book that came with the deck and slow pondering and I definitely wouldn't want to put anyone else through that, though it allows me to do some thinking.
I did a general reading first which unsurprisingly focused on how I was in an oppressive and draining situation, having trouble deciding whether or not to break away. It seemed to imply breaking away would ultimately lead me down better paths as far as my mental and emotional health go, especially with a warm, positive male influence in my life, but that the act of leaving my current situation would be painful and reminiscent of failure. Which, after being so pumped up and excited about this job, to admit to family and friends it turned out nothing like expected, would feel just like that.
I did a second goal-oriented reading to attempt to see if my time and energy is at least being spent in a way that will lead to a fulfilling career or at least toward my career oriented goals (training horses, perhaps specifically thoroughbreds). This one was riddled with conflict, seeming to imply a desire to change from my current path but a reluctance to commit to either leaving OR staying. There were a lot of imbalanced factors and relationships that aren't helping me progress and the potential end result of catastrophe if I stay on this path. Though with all the conflict and confusion I don't know if that means catastrophe if I stay in this frustrating situation with Bruce, or catastrophe if I don't stop fighting with myself and make a decision about leaving Bruce.
Oh, life, why must you be so complicated?
On a side note, I missed all these pretty dragons. Even if all they did for me tonight was reaffirm that I'm in a conflicted state right now, getting to play with them again is at least a little refreshing.