Non-Fiction Rec: Gabor Maté
I seldom read non-fiction but, on my parents' recommendation, have been ferociously skimming two books by physician, Gabor Maté, that I want to rec to the world: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts and When the Body Says No.
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts discusses addiction (very broadly defined) as an ineffectual coping strategy for finding external solace for an inner need. The inner emptiness is generally traceable to childhood stress absorbed from parents' stress, distance, etc. On one level, this is not news: it should come as no surprise that drug abuse is correlated with having been abused as a child, for example.
The phenomenal thing about this book, though, is how it applies, on some level, to nearly all of us. Maté uses himself as an example of an addict. In his case, the addiction is to music and a need for professional success. Sounds fairly harmless, but by his own admission, it's not. Rather, like any addiction, it has caused long-term stress for himself, his family, his colleagues, etc. Workaholism, he notes, though lauded in our society, is an addiction. By Maté's definition, I certainly qualify as an addict. Most of us would. We are nearly all victims of some sort of childhood lack, exacerbated by a society that puts increasing socioeconomic strains on parents while disintegrating the structure of extended family and stable community that has traditionally helped with parenting. We nearly all respond, on some level, by grasping after something we fix on as the comfort that will fill the void.
This book is invaluable on two levels: 1) sociological: it's a searing indictment of the War on Drugs and the absolutely counterproductive and psychologically idiotic way American society, in particular, addresses drug addicts by treating them as willful criminals rather than wounded individuals in need of psychological support to help reprogram their brain chemistry. 2) Personal: I suspect that most anyone could learn something about themselves or family or friends or some positive coping strategy through this thoughtful analysis of the construction of our emotional needs and identities.
When the Body Says No, an earlier book, explores the relationship between stress and illness. Maté brings to bear an impressive amount of research showing correlations between serious illnesses (cancer, ALS, asthma, MS, chronic fatigue, etc., especially illnesses with an autoimmune connection) and overwork, specifically the kind of psychological overwork of people who take on too much responsibility for supporting/comforting/pacifying others. Correlation is not causation, and the "math" of some of these observations may be imprecise. But the thesis rings true to me.
Of course, people who spend a lifetime subordinating their own needs to others' will feel unwell. It begins with emotional hurt and ends with physical illness (or death). The take-home message is that moderation is good: in work, in responsibility, in selflessness. At one point, Maté invokes a psychologist who counsels that given a choice between guilt (for not helping out) or resentment (for being put upon), choose guilt every time. I'm not sure I agree with that, but it's worth consideration. We cannot care for others if we don't care for ourselves. And, yes, we do need space and relaxation. It's not a luxury; it's a physiological need.
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts discusses addiction (very broadly defined) as an ineffectual coping strategy for finding external solace for an inner need. The inner emptiness is generally traceable to childhood stress absorbed from parents' stress, distance, etc. On one level, this is not news: it should come as no surprise that drug abuse is correlated with having been abused as a child, for example.
The phenomenal thing about this book, though, is how it applies, on some level, to nearly all of us. Maté uses himself as an example of an addict. In his case, the addiction is to music and a need for professional success. Sounds fairly harmless, but by his own admission, it's not. Rather, like any addiction, it has caused long-term stress for himself, his family, his colleagues, etc. Workaholism, he notes, though lauded in our society, is an addiction. By Maté's definition, I certainly qualify as an addict. Most of us would. We are nearly all victims of some sort of childhood lack, exacerbated by a society that puts increasing socioeconomic strains on parents while disintegrating the structure of extended family and stable community that has traditionally helped with parenting. We nearly all respond, on some level, by grasping after something we fix on as the comfort that will fill the void.
This book is invaluable on two levels: 1) sociological: it's a searing indictment of the War on Drugs and the absolutely counterproductive and psychologically idiotic way American society, in particular, addresses drug addicts by treating them as willful criminals rather than wounded individuals in need of psychological support to help reprogram their brain chemistry. 2) Personal: I suspect that most anyone could learn something about themselves or family or friends or some positive coping strategy through this thoughtful analysis of the construction of our emotional needs and identities.
When the Body Says No, an earlier book, explores the relationship between stress and illness. Maté brings to bear an impressive amount of research showing correlations between serious illnesses (cancer, ALS, asthma, MS, chronic fatigue, etc., especially illnesses with an autoimmune connection) and overwork, specifically the kind of psychological overwork of people who take on too much responsibility for supporting/comforting/pacifying others. Correlation is not causation, and the "math" of some of these observations may be imprecise. But the thesis rings true to me.
Of course, people who spend a lifetime subordinating their own needs to others' will feel unwell. It begins with emotional hurt and ends with physical illness (or death). The take-home message is that moderation is good: in work, in responsibility, in selflessness. At one point, Maté invokes a psychologist who counsels that given a choice between guilt (for not helping out) or resentment (for being put upon), choose guilt every time. I'm not sure I agree with that, but it's worth consideration. We cannot care for others if we don't care for ourselves. And, yes, we do need space and relaxation. It's not a luxury; it's a physiological need.