(no subject)
so im sitting here... about 2& a half months before my next birthday, reading the goals i set for myself on my last birthday. I'm not sure if I have accomplished any of them, in fact i feel like ive lost sight of them.
In the past year and a half i have lost a lot of amazing people. Starting with my sister of course, and ending with the "crew". They, for quite some time, were the backbone that held me together. In losing michael, and these people i called my best friends for quite some time, i have been forced to stand on my own two feet. This has been difficult, and yet very rewarding. But I dont think im quite there yet. These things take time, and yet i feel like im running out of it, like time is closing in on me...i sit back and think to myself 'wow, almost 21' and then i think to myself... 'wow when did i go from 18 to almost 21, because i sure as hell didn't know it would go this fast'. Things have become very different in such a short period of time, i feel like im forever losing people, gaining people, and hanging on to people. I know that this is the way life goes, but sometimes these losses are much harder than others. I know they say that certain people come and go in your life for a reason, but what i want to know is why they have to go before their time is through? & more importantly, if they leave your life for a reason, why is it so hard to get them to leave your head and your heart? This is something i will forever be asking myself... I have so much to figure out, and still so much to learn, & though ive learned a hell of a lot in the past year... I have so far to go...& that is a scary thing.
i dont know if im ready for time to run out.
In the past year and a half i have lost a lot of amazing people. Starting with my sister of course, and ending with the "crew". They, for quite some time, were the backbone that held me together. In losing michael, and these people i called my best friends for quite some time, i have been forced to stand on my own two feet. This has been difficult, and yet very rewarding. But I dont think im quite there yet. These things take time, and yet i feel like im running out of it, like time is closing in on me...i sit back and think to myself 'wow, almost 21' and then i think to myself... 'wow when did i go from 18 to almost 21, because i sure as hell didn't know it would go this fast'. Things have become very different in such a short period of time, i feel like im forever losing people, gaining people, and hanging on to people. I know that this is the way life goes, but sometimes these losses are much harder than others. I know they say that certain people come and go in your life for a reason, but what i want to know is why they have to go before their time is through? & more importantly, if they leave your life for a reason, why is it so hard to get them to leave your head and your heart? This is something i will forever be asking myself... I have so much to figure out, and still so much to learn, & though ive learned a hell of a lot in the past year... I have so far to go...& that is a scary thing.
i dont know if im ready for time to run out.