All New Zealanders, and anyone who's seen any media coverage of a general election, MUST read
Diana Wichtel's hilarious TV Review for this week, optimistically entitled "Getting Results," about the media circus on Election Night. At a friend's 21st until about eleven, I apparently missed the most hysterical lines from John Campbell in particular, who came up with such gems as
"Richard Langston is with us now. He looks like he's been sleeping under a bridge."
(On the TV1 panel's discussion of Clarkson, a running right-wing MP who grabbed his crotch in public- don't even ask)
"We have the crotch grabbers on this side and the non-crotch grabbers on this sid. And I'm sitting in the middle with my legs crossed."
(On the PM's parents leaving her house) "That's her mum and dad. Either that or the stress of the night has aged her considerably."
"I haven't had a clue all the way along. I haven't a clue. Go, democracy."
*wipes tears from eyes* Oh, John, you're bloody marvellous.
The entire article is hilarious, though, including an election to the fabulous
Election Night Drinking Game, which I personally think should have got one of Russell Brown's
Election Media Awards. These were also very funny, with an award for
The Quote You Never Thought You'd Hear going to Don Brash for "I don't want any candidates talking about their testicles, to be quite frank."
The People's Art Award to the
Make Your Own National Billboard website.
Best Personae to
John, Paul, George, Ringo and Yoko of KeepLeftNZ
But what really summarises the whole fiasco, to me, is the Strangest News Event Award:
"The campaign involvement of the Exclusive Brethren, who don't even vote? Bob Clarkson's left testivle? Pontell's ponytail wig? A bomb threat by a man demanding to talk to Helen Clark shutting down Taurange two days out from the vote? Another man's threat to fly a stolen plane into the Sky Tower on election night? The Green's Keith Locke carrying out his promise to run naked through the streets of Epson if Rodney Hide won? Take your pick. it was a very strange campaign."
New Zealand Aotearoa: You only wish your country's election campaign was as cracktastic as ours.