(no subject)
so i havent written in here in SUCH a long time...it's weird really. i feel like i don't even know what's going on with anyone anymore...oh well. that's been my life lately. i've been so busy with alpha phi stuff and friends and trying to have a good time that i've kind of just got caught up in the mix, ya know??
but i reason i run to LJ again is of course because i'm overreacting to a very simple situation again. it's of course because i'm being what a lot of people would dismiss as "emo". it's of course because things havent gone right...
just when i thought things were looking up and everything was going right, there was that one thing that got me down. Just when i thought i had a glimmer of hope that what i wanted to happen actually would, reality hit me. HARD.
so there's this boy. of course it happens because of a boy. and he used to date a sister of mine. and i always thought he was pretty cute but never really knew him. but i had been seeing him a lot recently and we had talked a little and he seemed like a guy i definitely wanted to know better. as a friend. as more. whatever...he was nice, right?
so a couple weeks ago my friend wanted to party and she's good friends with him so we went over to his place and seriously had one of the best nights i've had in a verrrrry long while. i got a little drunk but nothing too bad and we all just hung out. it was amazing. and the whole time, he and i were sitting next to eachother. and we got closer. and closer. and we talked. and i really felt like it was a good moment.
and then everyone decided to leave but i stayed. yeah. don't need to go into details.
and then the next week we talked a lot and i ended up going over to his place the next weekend. nothing really happened but it was nice to spend some time with him.
and then this week we've talked but haven't been able to hang out. and it sucks. and i thought he really did like me. and i KNOW i REALLY like him. but it just seems like he's avoiding me. or he doesn't like me at all. or something. i dont know.
i hate how much influence lust can have over someone's emotions. i really let it get the best of me most of the time...like, i'm really down if i dont have someone...i mean, it's not always bad. im equally happy when i have someone. when i'm with him, life is so nice. i like having someone there. someone to show affection to me. someone who thinks i'm attractive. someone who will put effort into actually wanting to be around me. someone who cares about me. someone who wantst ot know what i have to say. someone who will listen. someone who will talk when i want to listen.
i just thought for once i was gonna like someone and they were gonna like me back.
i guess i was wrong.
i have seriously been so down all week because of this. it's bad. i have barely moved today. and then we walk into albertsons and guess who's in there? he hugs me, says hi. and that's it. and i dont wanna get freaky, i really dont. but ive been thinking about him a lot and just want to know if there's any possible human chance on earth that he could ever feel the same way about me.
and tonight just...i dont know...exploded. for some reason, i feel lower than i have in a really long time. it's not ok. ive been doing so well and then this comes along and completely throws my world off balance. i honestly feel like nothing's going right. nothing. i haven't cried this hard in ages.
oh well...old habits come back easily i suppose.
and of course after i come back from being in the bathroom crying, what does belinda have on??
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
but i reason i run to LJ again is of course because i'm overreacting to a very simple situation again. it's of course because i'm being what a lot of people would dismiss as "emo". it's of course because things havent gone right...
just when i thought things were looking up and everything was going right, there was that one thing that got me down. Just when i thought i had a glimmer of hope that what i wanted to happen actually would, reality hit me. HARD.
so there's this boy. of course it happens because of a boy. and he used to date a sister of mine. and i always thought he was pretty cute but never really knew him. but i had been seeing him a lot recently and we had talked a little and he seemed like a guy i definitely wanted to know better. as a friend. as more. whatever...he was nice, right?
so a couple weeks ago my friend wanted to party and she's good friends with him so we went over to his place and seriously had one of the best nights i've had in a verrrrry long while. i got a little drunk but nothing too bad and we all just hung out. it was amazing. and the whole time, he and i were sitting next to eachother. and we got closer. and closer. and we talked. and i really felt like it was a good moment.
and then everyone decided to leave but i stayed. yeah. don't need to go into details.
and then the next week we talked a lot and i ended up going over to his place the next weekend. nothing really happened but it was nice to spend some time with him.
and then this week we've talked but haven't been able to hang out. and it sucks. and i thought he really did like me. and i KNOW i REALLY like him. but it just seems like he's avoiding me. or he doesn't like me at all. or something. i dont know.
i hate how much influence lust can have over someone's emotions. i really let it get the best of me most of the time...like, i'm really down if i dont have someone...i mean, it's not always bad. im equally happy when i have someone. when i'm with him, life is so nice. i like having someone there. someone to show affection to me. someone who thinks i'm attractive. someone who will put effort into actually wanting to be around me. someone who cares about me. someone who wantst ot know what i have to say. someone who will listen. someone who will talk when i want to listen.
i just thought for once i was gonna like someone and they were gonna like me back.
i guess i was wrong.
i have seriously been so down all week because of this. it's bad. i have barely moved today. and then we walk into albertsons and guess who's in there? he hugs me, says hi. and that's it. and i dont wanna get freaky, i really dont. but ive been thinking about him a lot and just want to know if there's any possible human chance on earth that he could ever feel the same way about me.
and tonight just...i dont know...exploded. for some reason, i feel lower than i have in a really long time. it's not ok. ive been doing so well and then this comes along and completely throws my world off balance. i honestly feel like nothing's going right. nothing. i haven't cried this hard in ages.
oh well...old habits come back easily i suppose.
and of course after i come back from being in the bathroom crying, what does belinda have on??
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall