(no subject)
what is this feeling...?
this all-consuming, distracting feeling...?
oh yes, that would be lonliness.
pure and utter lonliness.
ok, i might be exaggerating a tad. but seriously just a tad. never did i think i would go somewhere and wish my mother was there. never did i think i would be going back to the people who supposedly "get" me more than anyone, and yet feel completely left alone.
i dont know. maybe it's just a weird personal thing i'm going to have to deal with eventually. maybe it's my own paranoia that's propelling me to think the worst. but it just feels like people either don't want to be around me or judge me or don't think i'm interesting enough to warrant their attention, i suppose. i just feel very unwanted here. back at home, there were people who wanted to see me because it had been a while and because i was important to them.
but here it feels like these people's lives wouldn't change a single bit if i were gone.
i don't like feeling this way. i haven't felt this way for quite some time. i know deep down a lot of it is probably because i've been gone from school for so long and because i got used to being at home, in my own house, with my mother cooking for me and taking care of me, with my sister to play with, and with my friends who knew me better than anyone. i miss it. i miss home. so much.
ooh and we're working on planning our new york trip for over spring break. things are going fairly well.
but i'm sitting by myself for a show.
hmm...think i have a reason for my lonliness to be warranted??
i'm not important enough to be thought of when it came time to buy tickets.
oh well...i'm over it. things don't need to be even MORE dramatic than they are naturally.
but a little thought now and again WOULD be kind of nice...i'm just saying for future reference to anyone who wants to know me. ever.
i dont know.
i think a lot of it is the combination of the darkness and the nighttime and the change in location and the starting school and all...
it just has me in a very bad mood and with a very self-conscious, icky, sort of life-view right now.
someone teach me to be memorable.
before everyone forgets me for good.
this all-consuming, distracting feeling...?
oh yes, that would be lonliness.
pure and utter lonliness.
ok, i might be exaggerating a tad. but seriously just a tad. never did i think i would go somewhere and wish my mother was there. never did i think i would be going back to the people who supposedly "get" me more than anyone, and yet feel completely left alone.
i dont know. maybe it's just a weird personal thing i'm going to have to deal with eventually. maybe it's my own paranoia that's propelling me to think the worst. but it just feels like people either don't want to be around me or judge me or don't think i'm interesting enough to warrant their attention, i suppose. i just feel very unwanted here. back at home, there were people who wanted to see me because it had been a while and because i was important to them.
but here it feels like these people's lives wouldn't change a single bit if i were gone.
i don't like feeling this way. i haven't felt this way for quite some time. i know deep down a lot of it is probably because i've been gone from school for so long and because i got used to being at home, in my own house, with my mother cooking for me and taking care of me, with my sister to play with, and with my friends who knew me better than anyone. i miss it. i miss home. so much.
ooh and we're working on planning our new york trip for over spring break. things are going fairly well.
but i'm sitting by myself for a show.
hmm...think i have a reason for my lonliness to be warranted??
i'm not important enough to be thought of when it came time to buy tickets.
oh well...i'm over it. things don't need to be even MORE dramatic than they are naturally.
but a little thought now and again WOULD be kind of nice...i'm just saying for future reference to anyone who wants to know me. ever.
i dont know.
i think a lot of it is the combination of the darkness and the nighttime and the change in location and the starting school and all...
it just has me in a very bad mood and with a very self-conscious, icky, sort of life-view right now.
someone teach me to be memorable.
before everyone forgets me for good.