golly!
It's five AM and I'm up watching cartoons because I had the most disturbing dream I have ever had in my entire life. It was so terrible that I'm even ashamed to say what happened in it. It even made me cry! I don't think I've ever had a dream that's made me feel so bad. Although I know it's just a dream, I can't seem to shake it off and go back to sleep. I'm watching cartoons, funny ones, in hopes of getting sleepy again. This whole thing is a little silly because it IS JUST a dream but..I don't know. It was just so bad. Anyway, since I'm up and actually have things on my mind..here goes - my mother is being something else this whole month! I love the woman to death but I feel like there is no way to please her. If it's not one thing she's upset at me about, its another. Mike is always telling me that I shouldn't let it bother me if I know I'm doing nothing wrong and I know it's true, its just easier said than done I suppose. I mean I feel like she's the only person who hasn't seen the positive change in me. I would love for her to say something good about me. Like maybe that she's proud of me. That she has seen the change in me. But, nope! I just don't understand what she wants from me and it's really the only thing that gets me feeling a little blue these days. I mean, 2009 has really been something. Well, to me at least. I had a great job, I'm back in school and doing well, I stopped doing drugs (even smoking!), I don't hang out with negative influences half as much anymore. I've just changed in so many ways, its crazy! But it's good and I have never been happier! And I really feel that mike plays a big role in all of this. I finally found someone who I truly care for enough to make me want to be a better person. If this isn't true love, then I don't know what is :) I can finally say I love someone and mean it with every cell in my body. I have never been so sure of my feelings for someone. He's a wonderful person. I really wouldn't have it any other way! Hmmm, what started out as a negative entry making me a little upset ended in a very positive note! I'm at ease & I think i can go back to sleep now. Maybe all I needed to do was some venting. I'm updating from my phone too. I have never done this before :P oh man! Anyway, goodnight. No more bad dreams, PLEASE! Goodbye live journal, hello family guy..and hopefully sleep!